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Original poster

To ask DH to keep our BTL

632 replies

Nosdoc · 10/09/2025 13:50

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

OP posts:
samplesalequeen · 10/09/2025 14:50

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:41

And is that enjoyable and how much time do you spend with your children and do you ever feel disconnected from them as though they do not listen to you?

I'm a working parent. Just not full-time. I couldn't be the parent I would want to be as I don't have the bandwidth.

Do you?

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OP you need to get a job. What are you doing during the day when your kids are at school where you can’t manage to run a rental property?

if I were your husband I’d be doing the same.

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:50

Digdongdoo · 10/09/2025 14:44

Since when is it goady to suggest working if you want money? She's got hours a day spare, she can do something with them.

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She is working. She could work on this property during those hours yes. I suggested that.

Dragonflydancer · 10/09/2025 14:50

Get a job

SleeplessInWherever · 10/09/2025 14:50

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:47

But school finishes at 3:30 and begins at 9am so you can only ever work 10-2. What's the point?

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Those hours don’t make sense.

I employ people who work in schools 9-3 because their children are dropped off 8:30-3:30.

And money, is the point. If your sole source of income is what a man gives you, the work you can do during school hours (if you’re desperate to not use wraparound care), enables you to get your own income for “spends,” which is less risky and more independent.

PurpleThistle7 · 10/09/2025 14:50

I think there is nowhere near enough information here to give advice. And what is here doesn't make much sense. You are a partnership and should make these decisions together - all money in, all money out. You cannot expect to just spend the money on 'his' property forever while he burns himself to the ground to pay a mortgage. How do you split the money now? What is the plan for after? When will you start working again? You must have had 10+ years off work if you have multiple children all in primary school so what's the plan now?

AmyDuPlantier · 10/09/2025 14:49

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:25

She raises the kids, does drop offs and pick ups, probably meetings with teachers, keeps the house clean, laundry, makes meals. These are all full-time jobs in and of themselves.

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No they’re not. Working mothers do all that and work.

Digdongdoo · 10/09/2025 14:49

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:47

But school finishes at 3:30 and begins at 9am so you can only ever work 10-2. What's the point?

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You said you work part time. So what's the point for you?

Irritatediron · 10/09/2025 14:48

Sorry you need a job. Children are in school you dont actually do anything to help maintain this property you just spend the money! It isn't yours as you said your husband owned it prior to marriage.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/09/2025 14:48

Hayley1256 · 10/09/2025 14:45

So what is your DH proposing you do for your spending money?

I think he is hoping OP gets a job.
He is dropping hints. 👀

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:47

SleeplessInWherever · 10/09/2025 14:44

Parenting school age children isn’t a full time job. They’re at school 30hrs a week, how can it possibly be full time.

There’s no such thing as a full time parent. The kids aren’t available to be parented full time.

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But school finishes at 3:30 and begins at 9am so you can only ever work 10-2. What's the point?

Complet · 10/09/2025 14:45

Is there a medical reason you can’t manage the BTL? Your children are at primary school so you have a lot of free time. Your husband manages a full time job and the management of the BTL, so I’m struggling to see how this can be too much work if he’s doing it whilst holding down a job.

Why don’t you try and get a part time job for some spending money? I assume he is paying into a pension for you. It seems only fair for him to be able to retire early and spend more time with the family.

Hayley1256 · 10/09/2025 14:45

So what is your DH proposing you do for your spending money?

Digdongdoo · 10/09/2025 14:44

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:43

I'm bot being goady. She is in a position to be a full-time and present parent and contributes to the household in many other ways.

Posts saying she should 'get a job' are goady.

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Since when is it goady to suggest working if you want money? She's got hours a day spare, she can do something with them.

Harrysmummy246 · 10/09/2025 14:44

So you're upset that your spending money is being cut off to start paying off the mortgage? It's not financial freedom, it's dependence and being unwilling to change your cushy set up to actually gain true financial freedom by working.
Many mums of primary age children work. Wraparound care exists. Side hustle type businesses exist. Night shifts exist.

SleeplessInWherever · 10/09/2025 14:44

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:42

I have had many full-time jobs and wouldn't find being a full-time parent compatible.

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Parenting school age children isn’t a full time job. They’re at school 30hrs a week, how can it possibly be full time.

There’s no such thing as a full time parent. The kids aren’t available to be parented full time.

hungryduck · 10/09/2025 14:44

So you think you're entitled to not work and have £1000s in play money every month, but your DH has to work full time, manage the property and you have a problem with him wanting to retire early??? How selfish! Put your foot down if you want OP, but I'd be divorcing you pretty swiftly if I was him.

laptophelp · 10/09/2025 14:43

If he is working full time and having to manage BTLs whilst you are at home whilst the kids are at school it seems reasonable to me that he would think that is unfair. Seems sensible to sell and reduce the mortgage before rules on rentals get more stringent.

InMyShowgirlEra · 10/09/2025 14:43

Grammarnut · 10/09/2025 14:38

If it's an HMO then you need an agent. Tenants can be a right pain and are better dealt with at arm's length.

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She says there is an estate agent. But I would argue that if you think you're so far above your tenants that you shouldn't even have to talk to them you have no business being a landlord.

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:43

SallySuperTrooper · 10/09/2025 14:27

Really? 37 hrs a week? How do the rest of us cope working and doing the same?🤨

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I think you use childcare and are exhausted and stressed.

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:43

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 10/09/2025 14:27

Strangely enough, most of us manage not to live in a hotel, raise our kids, feed them and take care of drop offs/pick ups and work 🙄.

But you know this and are just being goady

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I'm bot being goady. She is in a position to be a full-time and present parent and contributes to the household in many other ways.

Posts saying she should 'get a job' are goady.

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/09/2025 14:42

It sounds like he is defo going to sell. Your kids are all in school so if you want income, get a job..?

PigletSanders · 10/09/2025 14:42

Nosdoc · 10/09/2025 14:29

I don’t understand why this matters, it’s not babies that need their mother.… it shouldn’t but they are all in primary school.

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You don’t want to work again do you?

Bruisername · 10/09/2025 14:42

So you do one job (sahm) and you DH does his full time role plus fully managing the BTL - which you admit is time consuming and he’s probably had enough

Can you see how that isn’t fair? If your kids are at school you have ample time to take the BTL off his shoulders and justify keeping it

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:42

Mrsttcno1 · 10/09/2025 14:29

And yet working parents do all of those things, on top of their actual full time jobs!😂

If you think keeping a house clean and cooking meals is a full time job you may want to try you know.. an actual full time job. Or maybe don’t, you’d get a bloody awful shock

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I have had many full-time jobs and wouldn't find being a full-time parent compatible.

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:41

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/09/2025 14:30

Working parents do all of those things, with a tighter schedule. 😆

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And is that enjoyable and how much time do you spend with your children and do you ever feel disconnected from them as though they do not listen to you?

I'm a working parent. Just not full-time. I couldn't be the parent I would want to be as I don't have the bandwidth.

Do you?