To ask DH to keep our BTL

Ah OK. I didn't connect the dots... my bad!
Of course with a part-time job you definitely need to up the hours of your multiple cleaners 🙄

I assume once she has a job

Are you taking the piss?
You realise you need to do more, so you'll increase the cleaners' hours?

(Edit: needed to pluralise the cleaners, as op did - so there's more than one!)

Glad I’m not the only one who saw that lifestyle as a cautionary tale and not something to aspire to!

Hence the " "

Wife implies equal partnership, which this is not.

@Nosdoc good luck! I’m sure you’ll do brilliantly and you’ll all be better off for it.

Thank god it’s not a glossy Mad Men fantasy because no one in their right mind would wish for Bett Draper’s miserable life.

After your update I think you need to be working on equal downtime. It sounds like your DH does a lot outside of work in terms of managing properties, so things like that need to be factored in, as do commuting.

We are hoping to retire early and as such bought a doer upper and DH is much better at I am than some of the jobs. I don’t expect him to do equal housework and I wfh a lot where he doesn’t so I do more in the house than he does but we work as a team and divide and conquer

Thank you for the update @Nosdoc It’s not easy to come back and update a post when you have received quite a lot of criticism (in your case some of it deserved, some of it a bit harsh).

And it’s great that you have taken on board the consensus that the best solution all round is to find part-time work.

When you have been a SAHM for many years it can seem really daunting, scary and damn right impossible to think of how to get back into work. I was in this position a few years ago - I’d been a SAHM for nearly a decade. I’ve managed to find work during school hours, 20 hours per week. It’s not much more than minimum wage, but it’s flexible hours, easy work, social and I get the job satisfaction of earning my own money again.

Make sure that DH understands and agrees that you going back to work means that he will have to take some share of the sick days with kids, school runs, taking a day off to cover inset days etc. Obviously proportionate to the days/hours you both work. He can’t expect you to work part-time and still do all the running of the household and childcare.

And I hope you can find a job that you actually really enjoy and improves the quality of your life. Good luck.

Work it out for yourself.

Always worth checking whether the OP has updated before posting...

Yes you need to work. Considering you are sending children that aren’t your husbands to private school using the money from his rental home that he owned before he met you you’ve had a very good ride.

Time to start contributing more to the family. Your children are all at school and as they’re private they do longer school days meaning you have even more flexibility when it comes to looking for a job.

So he has to carry working full time in what sounds like a fairly stressful job as well as managing and maintaining a building which needs constant work......work which you refuse to do as you've decided your incapable.

You on the other hand don't put anything into the pot, float around raising babies and spending the money from the building which he's earning as well as his own wage to support you and your dc.

Come on OP. Get some self respect and either get off your arse and get a job or take over maintaining the property which is currently sustaining you.

Let’s not bully or be unfair to the OP.

Im not of the view that she owed us an update, not to mind picking it apart.

The Op has asked for advice, taken it onboard & acted on it. Human nature often tempts us to be defensive or double down. It is to her credit that she hasn’t IMO.

Increase the cleaner rather than do it when you're not working and kids are at school? 😆

Yep!

So drops the kids the school and a bit of light dusting .. maybe. My question remains - what work?

Likely, you still won't work, he'll pay for everything including an external agency to manage the hmo so you don't have to and still get the money?

It would be nice if you’d share an update on what this is, given the huge amount of advice and suggestions you’ve received on this thread.

I don’t agree. Workplaces have evolved hugely. My older colleagues have a giggle about times when they’d see men in pubs or staying late at work to avoid bedtime. You don’t see that on scale anymore.

Things are not perfect - a lot of women still take a hit for maternity leave etc.

But they are far from what they were.

A lot of women don’t have the same interest in a career after children. I think that’s understandable but I don’t respect women who hold their partners to ransom by refusing to work, build up household chores to be something that would be insurmountable if they worked despite the fact that so many manage just fine.

@Nosdoc sounds like the arrangement is only convenient to you. He probably should sell and then you'd have the mortgage paid off quicker. He sounds sensible tbf. If you know your spendings are frivolous then they are.

Life is meant for living” goes both ways. Sure, the partner who goes out to work carries the financial load, but the stay at home parent is carrying a different load that doesn’t show up on a payslip.
It’s not some glossy “Mad Men” fantasy, it’s just a practical division of roles that makes family life run smoother. A SAHM also saves the working parent from all that extra time and workload at home, which means he can focus on hobbies out side of work and then actually have time to relax when he gets in. As long as both people in the marriage agree and it works for them . Everyone life’s are not the same and have different set ups . Doesn’t mean one is right and one is wrong

What is the difference please? do tell us