To ask DH to keep our BTL

In the spirit of tightening up so he can retire early, could you spend less… superfluously?

Being a SAHM is a valid choice. (I'm a SAHM too)

Refusing to let your DH retire early because you want unearned income as play money, is not.

Some of you are being unnecessarily mean to the OP. Just because you have not chosen to be a SAHM doesn’t mean that it’s not a valid choice that she and her husband both agreed to at some point.

He is a high earner and I assume he couldn’t do this if the OP had not taken all the family leave and given up her career to facilitate his. So it’s not just HIS income / flat / pension, it’s a joint asset, legally as well as morally.

Some of you need to be a little kinder and more understanding of other mothers whose lives are not exactly the same as your own.

What do you mean “won’t let”?

If her husband “won’t let” her work, it’s time to find a new one.

So from your DH’s perspective - he currently manages the BTL property (as you can’t manage it) AND works full time as he has full financial responsibility for all household income.

You take most of the income from the BTL and are able to not work as your husband covers everything.

your children go to school in the day.

I should think your husband feels a huge amount of responsibility surrounding the mortgage and feels that reducing it would reduce some of that burden. Plus managing the property (which you’ve said you are unable to do) must take a lot of time on top of full time work.

I actually don’t think he is in the wrong.

If you sell the property will he give you the same money as the rent as an allowance
Personally I couldn’t be dependent financially on my DH or anyone else but if you are happy with that set up then that’s up to you
What you can’t be is be without any money to spend

Perhaps your DH doesn’t fancy doing all the maintenance and organisation of the property and coordination of the respective tenants anymore on top of working a full time position?

To be fair it could actually be that her husband won't let her go out to work, it's not unheard of. OP hasn't really opened up about what his thoughts are on all this.

So basically he does all the work and you get the money??

Fuck me. What do you actually do?

How is he going to sell it if it’s owned mainly by you?

Sounds like he’s bored of being the only one to provide financially and the SAHM is no longer something he agrees to.

Because you are utterly reliant on your husband financially - he's even given you an asset, and has to manage it for you as you are unable to. Don't you see how incredibly vulnerable that makes you?

I got your point until you said you wouldn’t manage the property. You can’t have it all ways ie him doing everything and you just skimming off the profit. If you want to keep it learn to manage it.

"I use the BTL income for all my spending."

What does he expect you to live off without this income?

Sorry but it was his house and he does all the work/admin for it. You just get the profit from it. I think it is unreasonable for you to try and stop him from selling it. He is wanting to use the money from it to help your future financial situation ans reduce the mortgage and your annoyed your free “pocket money” is going. As long as he is willing to fund you being a SAHM then I don’t know what you have to complain about. If you want more spending money then get a part time job around the children.

Well I work a three hour commute away half the week and I also still manage…so let’s not pretend that being a SAHM parent is a full time job and working alongside it is an impossibility. It’s so patronising.

I am just amazed at how much spending does she do if the kids are at school and she doesnt work (no commute costs)

hair, nails, gym, spa?

unless there is a curveball and the husband doesnt pay for food or kids clubs and so on...

even so. get a job

When do you work then?

DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments.

If he's reducing the term, you will either have to increase the monthly payments, or pay off a chunk of the mortgage. There is sometimes a limit on how much this can be in a year.

I don't really understand when people say they're a 'SAHM' but the kids are out at school all day. If you want an income - get a job.

I just think you have to come to an agreement on something big like that, otherwise the relationship feels unbalanced and there's resentment.

Are you both on the same page about you being a SAHM?

Have you had a discussion about receiving money from his income if you current source of income goes?

Do you trust that he'll stick to agreed conditions of selling the house e.g. you receive x amount per month from him?

If it was me I'd be okay with selling the house if I trusted he would provide a reasonable income for me and not lord it over me.

✨ Evenings and weekends ✨

Is he a full time landlord?

You said you have another property too unless I've misread.

I am a working parent but not everyone has a job that fits around school. I do this stuff while my child's at school mostly.