To ask DH to keep our BTL

I mean, I assume the OP is probably more attractive than he is, given everything else seems imbalanced in their relationship. What triggered his change in mind is probably a tale as old as time, he’s probably bored of the relationship and feels like he needs to protect his assets.

You need to get a job

This has to be a joke? Have you ever had a job OP?

to be honest you do sound quite lazy. Don’t get me wrong, loads of women are equally lazy & live off their husbands comfortably and don’t work - but your husband wants to stop your set up. That’s your problem. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does, if he isn’t willing to continue this arrangement.

he isn’t being unreasonable. it is inherently lazy for you to not get your own job, but instead to be reliant on rental income on his property, that he continues to manage as the landlord. It’s hard to see what you’re actually contributing to that property aside from a legal loophole that gives him some financial benefit by putting your name on the deed. He seems quite savvy so this isn’t a battle I foresee you winning. If he divorced you, would you be able to maintain your lifestyle alone or would you continue to be reliant on him?

your children are old enough to not require a SAHM. Again, many women are bankrolled by their husbands but your husband isn’t happy with your arrangement, so you don’t have a leg to stand on.

build your own financial independence.

I believe the children in the private school are the OP's children. Not the children of her husband. The income from HIS house (that he owned before marriage), that HE does all the work for, pays for the cleaning (that OP can't or won't do, pays for HER children to go to private school, and some treats for HIS children. Personally, I am not entirely sure what the husband actually gets from this relationship.

This way of managing finances clearly doesn't work for him anymore, particularly if he has accused you of "being superfluous" in the past.

I think you need to sit down and discuss the solution to how finances will work if he sells the HMO. It does need to be a "both of you" decision but from the information you have given on this thread, it does sound like you have it pretty easy at the moment (school aged kids and a cleaner and the whole income from the HMO) whilst he works full time so I can see why, if his overall plan is to retire early , he wants to make changes

Sounds like he does though since he is doing at all

Is there a word for the female equivalent of a cock-lodger ?

Have you ever worked in a way that meant you could support yourself? Or have you always been dependent on a man?

Do you have any qualifications or experience of work?

It's not clear at all what the income from the BTL is used for.
You said a cleaner (is that for the BTL or your own home?)
School fees (how will they be paid if the BTL is sold?)
And the rest if your 'pocket money' for odds and sods.

Presumably you are declaring this as income and do a SA or an accountant does it all for you.

How much would you have to earn if you had a job to replace this rental income?

@Reasontoreason

• "But she doesn’t work?" I know, she's told us that - that doesn't mean she can't.
• "And may not be able to." Pure conjecture on your part - OP hasn't told us she's so disabled that she can't work (although given this thread is one big drip-feed, maybe that's to come).
• "Just because her husband is selling the house doesn’t mean he wants her to get a job?" I haven't said it does.
• "Maybe she doesn’t want one?" That much is patently clear.
• "As long as they don’t claim benefits that’s for them to sort out." Of course it is, but instead of discussing it with her DH to agree a mutually satisfactory resolution, she's started a thread on MN.

If you're not going to find paid employment, then you need to agree on what is a sensible budget for household costs and school fees and your spending money given the household income.

And figure out what would be the best way to sasaveor invest the rest. DH might be better paying into a pension from his salary (tax-free).

But you need an honest conversation about your joint finances and plans. You cant expect DH to bankroll you indefinitely.

Being a SAHM to children who are at school is in no way a job

In that case I have sympathy with your position
So if you want money you have to find a job

I don't think I am above my tenants, of course, and was brought up in private rented accommodation myself - and I would never treat my tenants the way some landlords treated my parents. However, having a go-between keeps relationships friendly - if I need to see the tenants I do and we have friendly relationships, even exchange cakes etc. on occasion.

@Nosdoc get a job, and show him it won't work. He'll have to pay for childcare won't he

Agree, these are not full time jobs. Many of us manage to fit in several days work a week and do everything you list and more.

Edited to say I meant everything the PP listed.

Maybe if you learned to manage it properly it would be a job and worthwhile keeping

Perhaps in hindsight, saving a good proportion, rather than spending (lower your standards for cleaning, etc.) would have been a good idea. It does sound like you've got used to a level of spending that's unsustainable, given your DH's wish to retire early.

So do many mothers who work. I do all this , work full time , have pain condition and attend college in the evenings 🙄 how can you be a SAHM when your children are out of the house 7 hours a day

So your husband bought the property, manages and funds the maintenance, and manages the tenancies, licences etc? If so then I'd say it's completely up to him if he wants to sell. I am a landlord (small one bed property) and I feel that is stressful at times never mind an HMO. If you were managing everything to do with the property then fair enough but it's not fair to expect him to work full time in a regular job and manage an HMO while you don't work? You say you can't but your children are in school?

Yes thankyou. I missed the sneaky drip feed. Shoot me.

She literally said 'his children'

OP what’s your AIBU here? You are baulking at having no source of income of your own. You need to get one.

You’ve been relying on someone giving you money (albeit you have been providing childcare for some years during that). But if you want financial freedom you need to generate finances somehow, not rely on someone else. This is especially true if, as it sounds, you have children that are not the responsibility of the person who has been covering your spending.

Unless you made a big sacrifice to allow him to do whatever it is he is currently able to do, your DH doesn’t sound particularly unreasonable to want to lower his retirement age rather than keep you (and another man’s children?) in spending money.

Did you used to have a similar source of income before you married him or had children with him? Can you get that back?

Well, I don't blame him for wanting to sell as it is a lot of work (I have done it for a small HMO).

But she doesn’t work ? And may not be able to . Just because her husband is selling the house doesn’t mean he wants her to get a job ? maybe she doesn’t want one ? As long as they don’t claim benefits that’s for them to sort out .