To ask DH to keep our BTL

Please be careful OP. He used your name and identity to dodge tax. Now that he no longer has that use for you, he is removing your access to the income that tax dodge generated. I think you should tell him that you will make a plan to go back to some type of work that generates at least as much as what the property generated for you. And that only after this is in place you will sign the property over. He can’t force you to sign it over and if he doesn’t want to carry on the maintenance during this time, defer it for a bit.

The fact that he doesn’t seem to agree with you being a SAHM anymore is a problem for you. You have to ask him straight up about this and make him aware of how his life and care responsibilities will have to change if you go back to work. Make sure he is prepared to take this on board. Always, always make sure you have a seperate bank account where you receive some money that he isn’t able to access without your express consent. Men like this have no understanding of the daily costs and needs of women and children and he will pick apart every purchase if you let him.

My father used my mother’s identity frequently for tax advantage and left her with nothing in the end. I know it’s hard but you have to start taking some action to protect yourself and your child.

No. You’re just Listing tasks as if onerous or stretching tasks you over time
Most people work and manage everything you’ve listed
Bills, Direct Debit etc - pay online , few tap on an app
Laundry pop in machine
Chores don’t mean you can’t work.

The rental income so dh house /money or joint if you call the pot pays for your child to go to private school

so how will the fees now be paid

still by your dh ?

Some people have no choice. Just like OP wouldn’t if she was a single parent. And I predict that’s in her future if she doesn’t buck her ideas up.

And that’s entirely up to them , not something I would like to do .

You've got a pretty good ride, OP. Maybe he's aick of paying all the bills. I'd be sitting up straight and paying attention right about now.

I don’t understand why, given all the dc are at least in primary, you can’t, as many people do, organise wraparound care and get a job. If you have multiple properties, you could probably/possibly afford this? And why can’t you sort out tenants/estate agent/repairs? I do, despite working full time. You just use an agent who sorts pretty much everything and they take a fee, but don’t even have to speak to you. You could give them a financial limit of eg £400 before they need authorisation from you. I actually sacked the agent when I discovered they’d left a family with a brand new baby without hot water/heating for 3 days.

I would look at starting to take over some of the work of the rental properties. Take some pressure off him and build some independence for you.

As a dyslexic, I was looking forward to a thread about a BLT sandwich, I am bitterly disappointed

Well yes, it is a joint concern.
There needs to be a discussion about how finances are to be managed now. It seems like there are other rental properties in the portfolio so perhaps it makes sense to divert some of the income to OP.
I'm sure it won't take long for the DH to realise that if OP is to work then he will need to pick up some of the slack in terms of childcare and housekeeping. There are very few jobs which are short hours, term time only and pay anything like enough to make it worthwhile losing the flexibility that a SAHM brings to a higher income partner.

Nice work if you can get it.

So you could do it, surely? Don’t let him holding this over you be the reason you choose to bow to pressure.

Your husband owned the property before you were married, he manages it and sorts out all the maintenance and hassle that goes along with it.
You stay at home with your primary school aged children and don’t want him to sell it because otherwise you won’t have spending money and your DH will be aware what you are spending the joint account money on as that will be the only money you have access to?!
Im not surprised he wants to sell it, and really, as he does all the work for it and owned it prior to the marriage you can’t really expect to have too much of a say.
If a woman on here was saying that she had an HMO that she managed and owned prior to the marriage that she wanted to sell but her DH didn’t want her to sell it because he doesn’t want to work and also doesn’t want her to be able to comment on his spending, she would be advised to leave or he’d be called a cock lodger….
I found your attitude totally bizarre, I don’t ’have to’ work we could manage without me doing so, but because I don’t want anyone thinking they can dictate how I spend money I make sure I EARN MY OWN…. I too have children, I pick them up from school, do homework etc they aren’t traumatised by the fact their Mother works, they know that if you want money for stuff you have to earn it and save and that it’s my wages that enables them to have all the extra things that they do.

No OP. YOU don't pay for your child. Your husband pays through the BTL. you're not earning anything, so you re paying for nothing.

It doesn’t seem like OP was particularly bothered about having made some huge career sacrifice, she’s bothered her unaccounted fun money is coming an end.
She also has a cleaner, so really her tasks are very minimal and easily done by working parents too. Hell, she could work PT and it would still give her plenty of time for cooking and homework.

Like you said it’s great if everyone is on board with it, but the husband doesn’t seem to be anymore and the logical solution is for her to find her own income.

It would be essential for us to know what he considered as frivolous and whether that’s unreasonable or not.

Hahahahaha, she’s not going to tell you that ! Op has successfully avoided any question that she doesn’t want to answer so far.
Seems DH has had enough of being taken for a mug and has finally put his foot down !

Jeez. You know other people do all that AND work don’t you?

Wise words, MumOryLane

No
you pay additional fee for after school and breakfast club, not included in fees

It would be a poor decision on many levels to remove a child from the same school as their siblings in order to retire earlier. But is that something your DH would be likely to complain about you spending money front the joint account on? He surely knows that the BTL money covers that?

If he doesn’t want your own child to go to the same school as your joint children and is prepared to refuse to pay for it, he is being very unreasonable. But it also means you need to be thinking about how to split up from him. It’s damaging to bring a child up in an atmosphere like that with obvious favourtism towards siblings. You can’t stay if he thinks of your own child like that. (Also a big pointer towards the need to start earning your own money again).

Most Private schools offer wraparound care as part of the fees so it's very likely she could have 8-5:30.

We’ve just exchanged contracts on selling our BTL. I’m really pleased. Of course if I’d been just sitting back doing nothing while the income rolled in I wouldn’t be so relieved.

I’m with your husband.

No. You don’t pay, you spend the money from the BTL to finance your lifestyle and your child school fees. No wonder feel aggrieved. You Take (a lot) and don’t contribute practically or financially

But it's not for him to worry about OP's independence surely? it's for her to sort this out?

At present he invests time and effort in this BTL and gets nothing out of it.

OP you've had a great deal, but does seem to be coming to an end.

Your DH wants to sell the BTL to reduce the mortgage term on your resudence, so he can retire early.

You seem to want him to continue to work full time and manage the BTL property, so that you can have a comfortable lifestlye without having to work.

I'd be really pissed off if I was him.