To ask DH to keep our BTL

And elsewhere the fees don’t include after school

The op already said that a health issue stops her from cleaning to the standard she likes. She obviously does do some cleaning but requires help.

Mothers have worked for hundreds of years, but especially post ww2. Why did I go back to work a year post partum? I want a career and be a mum. We also needed the money. Many women choose useless men to have children with and then complain that the men don’t do equal housework and childcare.

Why do you have a cleaner if you’re unemployed and your children are at school? You don’t even need one if you have a part time job (many including me don’t have a cleaner but work full time). You’ve had a very easy life so time to get a full time job and contribute financially.

Assuming I am a man is not the wise of you.

Good day

Apparent, is your pompous hyperbole and doom prophesies.
Women have given birth during Industrial revolution, famine,war,epidemic…I think we can cope with employment too @Wetoldyousaurus

Thank you for this thread OP and I’m sorry about some of the harsh criticism you got. In a perfect world the work of mothering and all that it entails in terms of community building, proper nutrition and ensuring children are well rested and get plenty of movement, not mention that elderly family members are considered similarly, all of that would be valued and rewarded financially as well as socially just as much as any other ‘work’. But it’s very apparent it’s not at all and never will be. Call it the ultimate failure of feminism. I have no idea what your actual situation is but the responses to your thread are interesting independently of it. I would say - independent income will give you a little more power in your relationship and a disproportionate amount of respect from society. Better to clean someone else’s toilet for money than to just clean your own. Better to care for someone else’s child for money and in turn pay someone else to care for yours. It’s capitalist culture at its most absurd. But it is how it is and better to play the game than to end up destitute and held in contempt by people who can’t see the injustice of it. Ultimately a change of some kind will be forced on the system because women just won’t or can’t have children in these cultural and economic conditions. That is very apparent.

The phrase I objected to was actually kept woman. I hadn’t wanted to repeat it because I find it objectionable.

In my experience, with men like you around women are safer when they remain wide awake.

There are kids at the nursery full time whose family have a full time nanny AND the mother doesn't work!

These people truly exist.

The father usually has a massive income and they find it convenient to have a nanny for the younger ones, for nursery drop off, for the evenings, for the weekends and holidays.

The wife is continually pregnant and nursing babies.

They have cleaners too of course.

High earning families with a housewife and the children attend upmarket nursery too? How’s that work
So if the children are at nursery,how is the housewife saying she’s too busy with childcare and tasks to be employed. If the children attend nursery what’s the mum doing?

I’m surprised anyone would see it as aspirational?? Poor Betty was just stuck in a marriage she couldn’t really get out of with a man who cheated on her at every turn.

Even Joan was constantly subject to disgusting remarks by men. The show did a great job at portraying what women had to put up with.

Peggy is my girl, probably one of my favourite characters of all time.

same difference,

A husband is her wife's man, a wife is her husband's woman, a daughter is her parents' child blah blah.

Woke BS is killing us

She really doesn’t.

If the flats in your name how will he force you to sell it?
Have you asked how he will finance your income after the sale?

They are SAHMs yet your daughter minds the kids in her nursery. So they are not with their mother.

I know families like this and yes, as you pointed out they usually have significant help. I know a couple who have a full time nanny, a cleaner & a gardener.

They are the exception not the rule, and the mother is usually a lady who lunches not a put upon SAHM.

There's no rug to be pulled. It's a very selfish women who would insist their high earning DH work overtime so they don't have to lift a finger all day. It's 2025, women can work and men can share the housework. Thankfully OP is more reasonable than you and they have reached a mutually agreeable compromise.

she has a cleaner kids are in school and they prob have a nanny how does she contribute other then using the credit card to fund a lavish lifestyle and cant work Incase she breaks a nail

There is a lot of projection on this thread. And a lot of assumptions.

I can't believe you think that a couple agrees to a particular set up where he earns a huge salary and she doesn't and they decide she will stay at home and run the household, making it possible for him to concentrate on his career...and that because he is the wage earner this gives him carte blanche to pull the financial rug any time he likes.

They are both benefiting from one parent at home.

It's like something out of a time machine!

I know a lot of high earners "at the top of their game" etc (I am one myself) and they are all married to other high earners. I don't know any SAHMs getting the pipe and slippers ready or whatever.

OP has not mentioned that DH doesn't lift a finger. Considering that DH does even the admin that's in OPs name and provides OPs income, because it's too much for OP, it doesn't sound like DH is a man who just sits on his backside.

I don't know what sort of circles you move in but this is a very old fashioned set up that staggeringly few can afford.
And even if a family has been run like this, they are allowed to change things. Men financing a life of leisure isn't a contractual thing, they are allowed to make lifestyle changes.

OP hasn't mentioned any of that. So you don't know. And perhaps selling this BTL will help balance the load further.

I know plenty of families who operate like this. Yes, top of their game. My daughter works in an upmarket nursery and it is full of families like this too. Not saying every top of their game dad is like this but plenty are. And loads of them live in huge houses where they want a stay at home wife to manage everything. I don't understand why some people think these families don't exist.

She will be contributing in other ways besides financial. I bet he doesn't lift a finger with the children, the meals, the day to day household chores, the running around picking up dry cleaning etc. He is benefiting from this. He agreed to it. He shouldn't arbitrarily change the rules 100% in his favour just because he can