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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this a conflict of interest?

142 replies

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:03

Looking for some advice or perspective on something that’s been really bothering me, as it’s had a huge emotional impact on my DC.
My child (14) has spent the last 6 years heavily involved in a high-level extracurricular activity (think 12+ hours a week). They’ve worked really hard and been fully committed. At the end of last school year, they had the opportunity to apply for a place to continue with the activity. Historically, all children who have done this activity for several years have been offered continuing places.This year, 6 applied and 5 were awarded places. The only one not accepted was my child. There have been no behaviour issues, no cause for concern or issues raised throughout their time in this organisation - this is not the point of my AIBU but I'm adding for context. This decision came completely out of the blue with no feedback and was really upsetting. Understandably, DC is devastated.

Now this is my AIBU- My child had paid-for private lessons in the main skill of this activity with a teacher who also works at the organisation that awards the places. I'll call him Mr X. He taught DC for 3 years and was always happy with my child's performance. At first, things were fine, but Mr X had a habit of being very unreliable (frequent cancellations, no-shows without warning, etc). After a lot of patience, we ended the lessons earlier this year and found a different teacher.

I’ve now learned that Mr X was involved in the selection process for awarding continuing places this year. I think it's important to also mention that he currently teaches 4 out of the 5 children who were awarded continuing places in the program in separate private paid-for lessons (outside of the activity) as he used to do with my child. I was not aware he was involved in this year's decision and only found out when I asked for feedback on why my child didn’t receive a place. I was told it was a 'group decision by key staff' including Mr X. I can’t help but feel this is a conflict of interest as Mr X had a previous teaching relationship with my child (which he possibly now perceives in a negative light), and he currently teaches the majority of the children who were successful in a private capacity. It is not unreasonable to assume that consciously or unconsciously he might favour his own pupils for these really sought-after places and that he should have recused himself. Teaching this skill is his main income. Am I wrong to think this raises questions about the fairness and independence of the whole process?

OP posts:
ScaryM0nster · 10/09/2025 10:54

Is there any requirement for fair and equal access and selection based on specified criteria?

If it’s a private organisation, then there may well not be and selection for spaces can be on pretty much any criteria that the organisation likes (including private pupils of staff having priority) if that’s what they chose to select on. You just can’t discriminate on a protected characteristic.

Most conflict of interest scenarios are managed by being open about it. So Mr X would make the rest of the panel aware that some of the candidates are his private students, and the rest of the panel would keep that in mind when making considerations to avoid things like taking his lower level of awareness of the ones who aren’t his students as a negative view.

Hankunamatata · 10/09/2025 10:53

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:48

Thank you. It was a completely opaque process. No published criteria, no process, no chance for children to represent themselves or understand what they were being assessed on and no feedback. Just a final decision. The activity itself is not niche but the setting in which it’s done is, so children spend hours more training and honing their craft than is normal for this activity. Think a place in Man U junior squad (v rare and sought after) vs local footy club on a Saturday morning (more inclusive).

Show quote history

Ok so Iv had similar (but knew the critteria had been not applied as they chose to try and hide it). First approach the club and ask them the questions outlined above and ask for a specific time frame for response. Firm but polite

If there an over organisation approach them and ask of there are guidelines for selection, students progressing, standards etc

Make it clear this isn't about your child progressing, its about a clear criteria to work towards and be judged against for an open and transparent process

ArmyOfNorks · 10/09/2025 10:53

I think there should be a lot more transparency around the selection process. Where there may be conflicts they should be well managed and declared, even with individual’s indentifying details removed.
Life isn’t fair; a fact which has painfully bitten me on the arse more times than I can count. Is there a more prestigious place to apply to?

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:48

Hankunamatata · 10/09/2025 10:42

If its so niche then would there be enough adults to judge candidates?
Who was the rest of the panel?
What specific criteria was used to judge them and how did the score them.
Id want to know the process applied and how the criteria was applied IF fairly

I would start with this. Not wade in and accused people of favouritism

Edited

Thank you. It was a completely opaque process. No published criteria, no process, no chance for children to represent themselves or understand what they were being assessed on and no feedback. Just a final decision. The activity itself is not niche but the setting in which it’s done is, so children spend hours more training and honing their craft than is normal for this activity. Think a place in Man U junior squad (v rare and sought after) vs local footy club on a Saturday morning (more inclusive).

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 10/09/2025 10:42

If its so niche then would there be enough adults to judge candidates?
Who was the rest of the panel?
What specific criteria was used to judge them and how did the score them.
Id want to know the process applied and how the criteria was applied IF fairly

I would start with this. Not wade in and accused people of favouritism

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:41

My concern here is that my child has lost out potentially because we had to end our teaching relationship with this individual. I feel that the end of the teaching relationship should have been declared by him, along with fact he teaches several other students, and that the organisation was unwise to allow him a part in selection knowing his outside financial connections and relationships.

OP posts:
Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:35

Mum2twoandacockapoo · 10/09/2025 10:32

This sounds like he’s using his place within the activity to gain clients and earn money. Surely that isn’t right ? Monetising on his position . He wouldn’t get so much work if he didn’t have this role would he so he’s abusing his power and your child has been penalised coz he’s not getting paid by you so can’t have a place.

That’s completely correct. All of his private students come from this activity.

OP posts:
Mum2twoandacockapoo · 10/09/2025 10:32

This sounds like he’s using his place within the activity to gain clients and earn money. Surely that isn’t right ? Monetising on his position . He wouldn’t get so much work if he didn’t have this role would he so he’s abusing his power and your child has been penalised coz he’s not getting paid by you so can’t have a place.

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:31

It’s so difficult as it’s a niche activity and very outing. The answer is no they cannot do it anywhere else in the same way, which is why it has been devastating. There are lower level opportunities on offer, but not at the level they are currently at.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 10/09/2025 10:28

It's really hard to advise without knowing some details. What's the activity? What's the special skill? Why do they have to apply to continue? Why are there only 5 places? Can she do it somewhere else?

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:27

wildfellhall · 10/09/2025 10:20

I think it does look like there is a connection - however it would be impossible to cleanse all activities to create perfect neutrality in adults working with young people in any capacity.

I think one child was going to lose out here and this time it was yours. I know how painful that must be; but in any competitive activity there is always going to be room for subjectivity and perceived or actual unfairness.

I understand what you’re describing feels unfair but I don’t know on what grounds it could be appealed and I do think these can be good life lessons for our dc. Life is absolutely not fair. We all have to learn that which makes a possible positive out of a disappointment.

The other thing to remember is none of us is objective about our own children - there is room for our sometimes being a bit wrong about our dc and not knowing it til later.

Is there anyone you might appropriately go to to ask for positive feedback about the decision with a view for your child being able to learn from the experience?

Thank you. It has been extremely painful for my DC, and I want to make sure I get to the bottom of this. I think if you teach pupils in a private capacity, and take money for doing so, you should not then be making decisions that could advance your own pupils interests at the expense of others. I completely appreciate your points though and thank you for the perspective.

OP posts:
Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:22

Rightandwrong · 10/09/2025 10:14

It sounds like a conflict of interest to me OP.
I have no idea what the activity is but is there any regulatory body for the activity that you can take your concerns to?

Yes there is which is why I’m getting views on if this is a conflict of interest.

OP posts:
wildfellhall · 10/09/2025 10:20

I think it does look like there is a connection - however it would be impossible to cleanse all activities to create perfect neutrality in adults working with young people in any capacity.

I think one child was going to lose out here and this time it was yours. I know how painful that must be; but in any competitive activity there is always going to be room for subjectivity and perceived or actual unfairness.

I understand what you’re describing feels unfair but I don’t know on what grounds it could be appealed and I do think these can be good life lessons for our dc. Life is absolutely not fair. We all have to learn that which makes a possible positive out of a disappointment.

The other thing to remember is none of us is objective about our own children - there is room for our sometimes being a bit wrong about our dc and not knowing it til later.

Is there anyone you might appropriately go to to ask for positive feedback about the decision with a view for your child being able to learn from the experience?

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:20

My thinking is that he takes private money and has private relationships with students and families outside of this process that could impact, or give the appearance of impacting, his decision as to who gets a place.

OP posts:
Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:17

Thank you. There are not always 5 places awarded.

OP posts:
Rightandwrong · 10/09/2025 10:14

It sounds like a conflict of interest to me OP.
I have no idea what the activity is but is there any regulatory body for the activity that you can take your concerns to?

KarmenPQZ · 10/09/2025 10:13

are there always only 5 places awarded. Or could as many have been awarded as wanted if they deemed suitable?

and how many other people are involved in the decision making?

i don’t think it would be fair for Mr X not to have input into the process given he’s involved