Page 4 | Is this a conflict of interest?

timetablechaos · 2025-09-10T09:03:37+00:00

Looking for some advice or perspective on something that’s been really bothering me, as it’s had a huge emotional impact on my DC. My child (14) has spent the last 6 years heavily involved in a high-level extracurricular activity (think 12+ hours a week). They’ve worked really hard and been fully committed. At the end of last school year, they had the opportunity to apply for a place to continue with the activity. Historically, all children who have done this activity for several years have been offered continuing places.This year, 6 applied and 5 were awarded places. The only one not accepted was my child. There have been no behaviour issues, no cause for concern or issues raised throughout their time in this organisation - this is not the point of my AIBU but I'm adding for context. This decision came completely out of the blue with no feedback and was really upsetting. Understandably, DC is devastated. Now this is my AIBU- My child had paid-for private lessons in the main skill of this activity with a teacher who also works at the organisation that awards the places. I'll call him Mr X. He taught DC for 3 years and was always happy with my child's performance. At first, things were fine, but Mr X had a habit of being very unreliable (frequent cancellations, no-shows without warning, etc). After a lot of patience, we ended the lessons earlier this year and found a different teacher. I’ve now learned that Mr X was involved in the selection process for awarding continuing places this year. I think it's important to also mention that he currently teaches 4 out of the 5 children who were awarded continuing places in the program in separate private paid-for lessons (outside of the activity) as he used to do with my child. I was not aware he was involved in this year's decision and only found out when I asked for feedback on why my child didn’t receive a place. I was told it was a 'group decision by key staff' including Mr X. I can’t help but feel this is a conflict of interest as Mr X had a previous teaching relationship with my child (which he possibly now perceives in a negative light), and he currently teaches the majority of the children who were successful in a private capacity. It is not unreasonable to assume that consciously or unconsciously he might favour his own pupils for these really sought-after places and that he should have recused himself. Teaching this skill is his main income. Am I wrong to think this raises questions about the fairness and independence of the whole process?

weirdoboelady · 10/09/2025 13:18

This does remind me of the way orchestras go about filling places in their sections. The section principal normally has a very influential say in who gets the job, and section principals are also frequently professors at conservatoires. They are known to favour their own students....

mcmooberry · 10/09/2025 13:18

Yep, from what you say, you sacking him and using a different coach/teacher is what has in all likelihood lead to this.

I wouldn't be able to let this go. I would write/email the regulatory body explaining your son's commitment and achievements alongside his good behaviour and state that you expect transparency as to why he wasn't selected to continue. If there isn't a shortage of places to continue it's clearly sour grapes here. Would also be clear about the conflict of interest and what you suspect to be the reason for him being left out. Kids feel helpless to deal with this kind of thing, definitely speak up and loudly.

Original poster

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 13:17

LoveItaly · 10/09/2025 13:00

It may be a conflict of interest, but would that have bothered you if your child had been one of the five selected?

Firstly, this is completely irrelevant to my question. Secondly, I dislike nepotism in all its forms and would have been very disappointed to hear that any child had potentially been treated like this.

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AngelicKaty · 10/09/2025 13:16

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:54

Apologies for waffley and vague replies. I completely hear those of you who are saying this is a life lesson. You are right in the big scheme of things. I just want to get some answers in the hope that it helps my child heal after a nasty shock. The fact there could have been a conflict of interest/ bias doesn’t sit well with me which is why I wanted to know, based on the info I’ve put out here, if you think that has occurred.

Sorry OP, but it seems that you already believe there's been a conflict of interest and want the MN collective to support you in this view, but based on the info' you've put out here, we simply don't know. And, more importantly, nor do you regardless of your suspicions (which are also, inevitably, going to be biased). @Hankunamatata 's advice to gather more information is spot on. You say that 5 places were awarded this year and that out of the 6 who applied this teacher coached 4 of the successful applicants - so what about the 1 he didn't coach? Why were they successful, but not your DC? Also, you need to look at the history of the process. How many places were, for example, awarded in the last 5 years and how many of these places went to students coached by this teacher as opposed those who weren't?
I'm really sorry your DC didn't secure a place OP and I totally understand their huge disappointment when it's something they've worked so hard for, but as @Hankunamatata has advised, you need to find out a lot more about how the selection process has been run (this year and historically) before accusing someone of a conflict of interest when the broader evidence may not support that view.

Nearly50omg · 10/09/2025 13:11

The fact you stopped lessons with this man and then your child was the only one not chosen out of all the ones he is still teaching…you don’t need to be a brain surgeon to put 2 and 2 together!!! Go to the top straight away and point this out and make it clear why you stopped the lessons was due to his behavior and this clearly is the backlash your son has now and you want it sorted!!

MyrtleLion · 10/09/2025 13:01

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 12:58

Yes they are a charity and a very publicly scrutinised one at that.

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Can you asknfor a Subject Data Access Request for your child to see the notes of all the meetings and emails and text messages etc?

LoveItaly · 10/09/2025 13:00

It may be a conflict of interest, but would that have bothered you if your child had been one of the five selected?

MrsJeanLuc · 10/09/2025 12:59

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:27

Thank you. It has been extremely painful for my DC, and I want to make sure I get to the bottom of this. I think if you teach pupils in a private capacity, and take money for doing so, you should not then be making decisions that could advance your own pupils interests at the expense of others. I completely appreciate your points though and thank you for the perspective.

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I agree with you op.

Either the selection process should take input from ALL the children's teachers or NONE of them.

What you describe (assuming you have got it right, of course) sounds like a conflict of interest and potential for fraud (essentially selling the places).

Is there any appeal process? Can you query it with the organisation? Can your child apply again at a future date?

Original poster

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 12:58

godmum56 · 10/09/2025 12:52

As I see it it depends on how the activity is organised and governed....for instance are they a charity? are they publicly funded? are they a national body? Are they affiliated or federated with a national body? The less "official" the governing body, the less chance you have of getting anywhere with your issue. Do they publish their policies and processes anywhere? If its a really niche activity then it may well be run by a small group of people who will do what they wish

Yes they are a charity and a very publicly scrutinised one at that.

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Original poster

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 12:57

XelaM · 10/09/2025 12:55

Unfortunately OP I have experience of my kid doing a sport that is completely non-transparent and cliquey at the highest level, so I truly sympathise, but I think it was the wrong move to sack Mr X and unfortunately your child is now paying for it. It's unfair, but I doubt they will accept it. 😕

Yep- I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

OP posts:

XelaM · 10/09/2025 12:55

Unfortunately OP I have experience of my kid doing a sport that is completely non-transparent and cliquey at the highest level, so I truly sympathise, but I think it was the wrong move to sack Mr X and unfortunately your child is now paying for it. It's unfair, but I doubt they will accept it. 😕

godmum56 · 10/09/2025 12:52

As I see it it depends on how the activity is organised and governed....for instance are they a charity? are they publicly funded? are they a national body? Are they affiliated or federated with a national body? The less "official" the governing body, the less chance you have of getting anywhere with your issue. Do they publish their policies and processes anywhere? If its a really niche activity then it may well be run by a small group of people who will do what they wish

Original poster

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 12:48

Gizlotsmum · 10/09/2025 12:37

Do you know for sure the tutoring relationships weren’t known about? He might have declared them. There should have been some criteria they were assessed against.

I don’t see why he would be in the process if these were known about and given due consideration as he teaches or has taught all but 1 child privately outside of the organisation.

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Original poster

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 12:46

Hiptothisjive · 10/09/2025 12:34

But OP you hit the mail on the head. Getting into a category 1 academy (your example of Man U) means that it is a ‘group’ decision of coaches, assistant coaches, head of academy, head of coaching, physios, sports psychologists and head of recruitment. These people are at the top of what they do and even if their own children have a trial they aren’t given a contract if they aren’t good enough. It’s as simple as that as it comes down to ability and potential.

So, you may be right, there may be a conflict of interest on one person, but the group has said no. And the basis of their decision has to be on ability and potential - otherwise how can it be judged?

I get your kid is devastated but you may need to seriously consider they might just not have been good enough. I know that sounds awful but it is a consideration. To continue your analogy - football is brutal. I have seen really good kids perform really well without any indication there was an issue and they were cut. The parents were convinced this was wrong - but you aren’t the expert.

Then work it through. What are you hoping to gain for this? The group will stand by their group decision - why would they sell themselves out. If there is a governing body there are rules and regulations that would have to be adhered to. All the group would have to say is based of their criteria and opinion your kid wasn’t good enough - because that’s what it is - an opinion.

You could also argue that Mr X knows exactly what it takes to succeed and now your child doesnt benefit from that. That just smart to be in with someone who knows - same with an 11+ tutor for example. They know the test and what is expected but they don’t take the test themselves.

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I appreciate your post and completely am not here to say that my kid is the best in the world etc which is why I said in my OP that that is largely irrelevant. I’m asking if this particular situation involving this teacher is a conflict of interest. I think that even if my child was objectively the weakest performer that they should still be subject to an open and transparent process free from conflict of interests and bias. It’s the process that I’m questioning.

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InterestedDad37 · 10/09/2025 12:40

Absolutely a conflict of interest

Itdoesntmatteranyway · 10/09/2025 12:40

is it that there were only 5 places, or could more children have been put on the team (or whatever it is) if they wanted?

Gizlotsmum · 10/09/2025 12:37

Do you know for sure the tutoring relationships weren’t known about? He might have declared them. There should have been some criteria they were assessed against.

Hiptothisjive · 10/09/2025 12:34

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:48

Thank you. It was a completely opaque process. No published criteria, no process, no chance for children to represent themselves or understand what they were being assessed on and no feedback. Just a final decision. The activity itself is not niche but the setting in which it’s done is, so children spend hours more training and honing their craft than is normal for this activity. Think a place in Man U junior squad (v rare and sought after) vs local footy club on a Saturday morning (more inclusive).

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But OP you hit the mail on the head. Getting into a category 1 academy (your example of Man U) means that it is a ‘group’ decision of coaches, assistant coaches, head of academy, head of coaching, physios, sports psychologists and head of recruitment. These people are at the top of what they do and even if their own children have a trial they aren’t given a contract if they aren’t good enough. It’s as simple as that as it comes down to ability and potential.

So, you may be right, there may be a conflict of interest on one person, but the group has said no. And the basis of their decision has to be on ability and potential - otherwise how can it be judged?

I get your kid is devastated but you may need to seriously consider they might just not have been good enough. I know that sounds awful but it is a consideration. To continue your analogy - football is brutal. I have seen really good kids perform really well without any indication there was an issue and they were cut. The parents were convinced this was wrong - but you aren’t the expert.

Then work it through. What are you hoping to gain for this? The group will stand by their group decision - why would they sell themselves out. If there is a governing body there are rules and regulations that would have to be adhered to. All the group would have to say is based of their criteria and opinion your kid wasn’t good enough - because that’s what it is - an opinion.

You could also argue that Mr X knows exactly what it takes to succeed and now your child doesnt benefit from that. That just smart to be in with someone who knows - same with an 11+ tutor for example. They know the test and what is expected but they don’t take the test themselves.

monkeysox · 10/09/2025 12:33

Would OP have had a problem with the process if their DC was still having lessons from this person?

Octavia64 · 10/09/2025 12:33

Hmm,

I can see why your child is upset.

my children were involved in music at quite a high level. Quite frequently there were not enough Akkadian flute specialists (made up example) in the area so the judges at music competitions etc were often local teachers of the Akkadian flute.

however the music competitions were set up so that detailed judges comments were passed on in writing to the competitors, and so while there was clearly potential for conflict of interest in practice the process was seen to be reasonably fair.

as a (maths) teacher myself I’ve been involved in the process for selecting teams for interschool competitions and in general teachers don’t favour those who they teach (although obviously there are exceptions).

in your shoes I would ask about the process.

SaladAndChipsForTea · 10/09/2025 12:32

monkeysox · 10/09/2025 12:14

I was considering the process in that were the others simply better.

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I understand, but the point isn't about whether DC should have got a place, it's about whether the process is open and transparent and gives confidence in that the right decision has been made based on a set of sound principles.

It benefits everyone.

If the process had been clear on how a conflict of interest would be identified and managed, OPs son could have been confident that he simply didn't make the cut because he wasn't good enough, not wondering whether Mr X took an opportunity to reject him out of spite because his mum stopped paying for lessons.

In my workplace, Mr X would have declared his relationship with the child and excused himself from the conversation so as not to unduly influence the decision.

Or it could have been mitigated by having a clear process, such as each student must attend X% sessions and score X goals (something which can be objectively assessed as a pass and fail).

OP and her DC have no idea what, if any conflict and mitigation was carried out.

BadgernTheGarden · 10/09/2025 12:32

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:41

My concern here is that my child has lost out potentially because we had to end our teaching relationship with this individual. I feel that the end of the teaching relationship should have been declared by him, along with fact he teaches several other students, and that the organisation was unwise to allow him a part in selection knowing his outside financial connections and relationships.

You could approach it from the opposite direction and tell them Mr T doesn't know how good your DD is any more because he doesn't teach her any more (as he does the other candidates) and they should discuss her with her teacher Y for an informed opinion.

Dangermoos · 10/09/2025 12:25

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 12:23

Thank you. I’ve felt so sad at what’s happened to my DC and slightly crazy about whether I’ve got a point to raise.

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Go for it. Just make sure you think about how you're going to outline your concerns, without being accused of sour grapes. Good luck x

Original poster

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 12:23

Dangermoos · 10/09/2025 12:22

I think your suspicions would be right. None of this would sit right with me. Nobody, who is gaining money from progressing the children, should be involved in the selection process; It stinks. I hesitated at calling it a conflict of interest but that's exactly what it is. More so if it were their own child involved in the process.

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Thank you. I’ve felt so sad at what’s happened to my DC and slightly crazy about whether I’ve got a point to raise.

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Dangermoos · 10/09/2025 12:22

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 12:19

I think that is possibly a part of it, yes. That presents one conflict of interest. Also, Mr X still teaches several successful candidates which to my mind is a direct conflict of interest too, as even if he doesn’t mean to he is likely to favour his own students. Even if he doesn’t favour his own students the process is still compromised as there is a perception of bias.

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I think your suspicions would be right. None of this would sit right with me. Nobody, who is gaining money from progressing the children, should be involved in the selection process; It stinks. I hesitated at calling it a conflict of interest but that's exactly what it is. More so if it were their own child involved in the process.