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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this a conflict of interest?

142 replies

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:03

Looking for some advice or perspective on something that’s been really bothering me, as it’s had a huge emotional impact on my DC.
My child (14) has spent the last 6 years heavily involved in a high-level extracurricular activity (think 12+ hours a week). They’ve worked really hard and been fully committed. At the end of last school year, they had the opportunity to apply for a place to continue with the activity. Historically, all children who have done this activity for several years have been offered continuing places.This year, 6 applied and 5 were awarded places. The only one not accepted was my child. There have been no behaviour issues, no cause for concern or issues raised throughout their time in this organisation - this is not the point of my AIBU but I'm adding for context. This decision came completely out of the blue with no feedback and was really upsetting. Understandably, DC is devastated.

Now this is my AIBU- My child had paid-for private lessons in the main skill of this activity with a teacher who also works at the organisation that awards the places. I'll call him Mr X. He taught DC for 3 years and was always happy with my child's performance. At first, things were fine, but Mr X had a habit of being very unreliable (frequent cancellations, no-shows without warning, etc). After a lot of patience, we ended the lessons earlier this year and found a different teacher.

I’ve now learned that Mr X was involved in the selection process for awarding continuing places this year. I think it's important to also mention that he currently teaches 4 out of the 5 children who were awarded continuing places in the program in separate private paid-for lessons (outside of the activity) as he used to do with my child. I was not aware he was involved in this year's decision and only found out when I asked for feedback on why my child didn’t receive a place. I was told it was a 'group decision by key staff' including Mr X. I can’t help but feel this is a conflict of interest as Mr X had a previous teaching relationship with my child (which he possibly now perceives in a negative light), and he currently teaches the majority of the children who were successful in a private capacity. It is not unreasonable to assume that consciously or unconsciously he might favour his own pupils for these really sought-after places and that he should have recused himself. Teaching this skill is his main income. Am I wrong to think this raises questions about the fairness and independence of the whole process?

OP posts:
Rumors1 · 10/09/2025 15:56

OP I think you said that more than 5 could have been selected. Do you have any stats from previous years about the numbers who applied and who were accepted/rejected?
Can you ask why your DC wasnt offered a place ie not good enough for that level (which could be fought on objective grounds if they actually have acheived more than the other kids) or was it due to a limited number of spots?

I do think there could be a conflict of interest but I do believe there is definitely a perception of bias, proving actual bias would be more difficult.

It would be easier to give advice if we knew more about why only 6 kids went for it (are there more kids who could have applied) and why they limited it to 5.

Hoppinggreen · 10/09/2025 15:56

It must be really upsetting for your child and I get why you are annoyed BUT if Mr X still taught your child and they had been successful would that have been a conflict of interest?

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 10/09/2025 15:55

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 15:28

Thank you. I think it should always be fine to ask about processes especially if they are opaque and possibly subject to conflicts of interests. I feel I'd be letting my child down if I just said nothing. I will obviously think about phrasing this in the most constructive way possible.

Show quote history

What did the selection process entail? Was there a physical tryout? Just paperwork?

I know you say it's outing, but I wish we knew more, so advice could be more specific.

From what you have said though, I would follow through because something just feels "off" about it.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 10/09/2025 15:51

Hols23 · 10/09/2025 13:23

I think you're right to feel aggrieved, and to take this further.

Also I think some posters might have missed this very relevant context from your OP:

"Historically, all children who have done this activity for several years have been offered continuing places."

That's because actually reading and comprehending the OP's posts is too much work for some posters.

She has also mentioned where her child is rated in this specialty. It would be like LeBron James not getting drafted into the NBA because he switched schools and the selection committee had members from his old school on it. It would make no sense.

ThreenagerCentral · 10/09/2025 15:38

This is a massive conflict of interest and should never be allowed.

PurpleThistle7 · 10/09/2025 15:37

I think it's icky but also slightly inevitable in these sorts of worlds. My daughter is a dancer and has auditioned a few times without success. Sometimes it's her actual teacher in the audition, sometimes it's someone else's teacher. one time she didn't get a place in a programme and it turned out that the majority of students who did are all at the same dance school - they knew what to expect and prepared specifically for it. So while it often is who you know or some other opaque measure, it's sometimes just being in the right circle means that you are preparing and developing in the way that group is most looking for (does that make sense?)

For my daughter however, I wouldn't be able to claim she was disadvantaged in any of these situations - I have no idea what I'm looking at when seeing a bunch of similar girls dancing the same thing. I think my daughter is wonderful and perfect, but she probably isn't. She's much better than some but at a certain level it all looks the same to me - which is why there's always a panel of people and voting and some sort of structure. I have no idea what the structure is and never know what specific thing she did or didn't do well (you never get feedback or anything).

I think since there's no reason to worry about burning bridges you might as well ask some questions even just to get it right in your head. I'm guessing they will either keep telling you that it's all confidential or that any conflict of interest is ameliorated by some mysterious voting system but I can't see any reason not to proceed. I think you need to do this in writing however to keep things really clear.

Bigcat25 · 10/09/2025 15:29

DiscoBob · 10/09/2025 11:03

I don't really see how you can prove that he discriminated against your kid because you basically sacked him. Though I can see why you might have your suspicions. But you'll need proof.

It sounds like he's a key part of this activity and always has been. I guess raise it with the higher powers in the organisation but I don't think they'll get rid of him on your say so.

Edited

Not neccessarily. The org can examine their policy and the firing and may find it problrmatic. I would persue this, and likely get a lawyer.

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 15:28

Aoap78 · 10/09/2025 15:23

Given your description (niche but still well known ?) I would also think carefully about the benefits (and mostly lack of) to your child if you did complain and it ended up public (it does not take much these days, even if in local communities only), or if you do you should prepare better than asking on a forum (it’s fine to ask obviously, but it shouldn’t be your only means). I only have experience with dance.

Thank you. I think it should always be fine to ask about processes especially if they are opaque and possibly subject to conflicts of interests. I feel I'd be letting my child down if I just said nothing. I will obviously think about phrasing this in the most constructive way possible.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 10/09/2025 15:27

It's a complete conflict of interest, should have been declared and he should not have been on the selection panel unless it's an activity where it's possible to have an anonymous application.

I would put a written appeal into the higher authority.

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 15:25

Nedeyk · 10/09/2025 15:18

It most likely is a conflict of interest however, if Mr X had still be doing private lessons for your child and your child had been successful, would you still be asking if it's a conflict of interest?

This has been covered a few times up thread.

OP posts:
Aoap78 · 10/09/2025 15:23

Given your description (niche but still well known ?) I would also think carefully about the benefits (and mostly lack of) to your child if you did complain and it ended up public (it does not take much these days, even if in local communities only), or if you do you should prepare better than asking on a forum (it’s fine to ask obviously, but it shouldn’t be your only means). I only have experience with dance.

Horses7 · 10/09/2025 15:19

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:41

My concern here is that my child has lost out potentially because we had to end our teaching relationship with this individual. I feel that the end of the teaching relationship should have been declared by him, along with fact he teaches several other students, and that the organisation was unwise to allow him a part in selection knowing his outside financial connections and relationships.

This sounds highly likely - YANBU.

Nedeyk · 10/09/2025 15:18

It most likely is a conflict of interest however, if Mr X had still be doing private lessons for your child and your child had been successful, would you still be asking if it's a conflict of interest?

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 15:17

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 10/09/2025 15:13

Is there an appeal process?

No, not as such. The organisation does have a complaints policy as all charities seem to do these days.

OP posts:
Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 15:16

Trallers · 10/09/2025 15:06

I think pursuing more information is a must as it certainly looks iffy from your description. Would you consider drafting an email here (obviously with outing info omitted)?

Also, what would Mr X's perception of you and your child be, do you think? Was there a history of unpleasantness before you severed the relationship or was everything ok?

No unpleasantness, but it was frustrating when he frequently cancelled lessons as we were on route (45 min trip) or just didn't show up. We were aware of his involvement in the organisation so left it on reasonable terms - 'Thank you for all your work with X. They have decided to try lessons with another tutor next term. Best, wishes X'. Given within the correct notice period.

OP posts:
FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 10/09/2025 15:13

Is there an appeal process?

Trallers · 10/09/2025 15:06

I think pursuing more information is a must as it certainly looks iffy from your description. Would you consider drafting an email here (obviously with outing info omitted)?

Also, what would Mr X's perception of you and your child be, do you think? Was there a history of unpleasantness before you severed the relationship or was everything ok?

Sunshineandoranges · 10/09/2025 15:06

it is good that you are challenging. Almost certainly the tutor will use it to his advantage that his students got places.

thing47 · 10/09/2025 14:49

So it's something like Chance to Shine? If so, yes they will not only want everything to be above board, but they will need it to be seen as being above board. Anything, anything, which could have negative repercussions for the charity backing the activity will be a major concern for them.

BeltaLodaLife · 10/09/2025 14:48

thestudio · 10/09/2025 14:14

That's really tough OP and it does sound like something iffy is going on.

However, just to play devil's advocate (without being a dick that says 'your child wasn't good enough, get over it'🙄)

It's also possible to look at it from the other direction: yes, the teacher is money-grabbing and corrupt - but that corruption occurred at the point that he was taking your money for private lessons when he knew that your DC was never going to be good enough for the elite level.

Her kid was out forward for, and passed, the highest qualifications out of all of them.

This tutor is responsible for entering his “tutees” for those qualifications but hasn’t entered anyone else in the higher ones… it really doesn’t sound like her kid has the lowest ability.

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 14:44

viques · 10/09/2025 14:31

You talk about “the organisation”, I assume that since the mysterious activity is so niche (and appears to be fairly local since one person manages to coach four out of the five children who attend) that other members of the awarding “organisation” are fully aware of who coaches who and so already know and approve of Mr X ‘s involvement and coaching responsibilities.

So I am not quite sure how you see this going forward. Is there a national body which oversees the “organisation” to whom you would appeal? Where does additional funding come from, is it funded by a charity, who would be beholden to the charity commission, or a recognised independent body, or a body funded by government subsidy?

Show quote history

Sorry, it’s a crap term but I can’t say what it is without it being incredibly outing. The ‘organisation’ is branch of a large, extremely well-known charity / body that prides itself on fair values.

OP posts:
Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 14:42

XWKD · 10/09/2025 14:35

I'm thinking chess or ballet. Am I getting warm? Opera? 😀

Regardless of which applicants were successful, there is a conflict of interest.

That’s my thinking exactly. It doesn’t matter if the ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ decision was made as if there is a conflict of interest the process itself is potentially skewed making a fair decision much harder to reach.

OP posts:
Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 14:40

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 10/09/2025 14:38

I don’t know about high level sport but I know about performing arts, and at elite level for young people it does tend to be a small world with nepotism, networking etc. Is there a way you can appeal?

It is more this way than sport. The nepotism is off the charts.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 10/09/2025 14:40

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 14:38

Yes there could have been as far as I understand it.

Show quote history

Then they definitely need to explain his exclusion, especially as you claim he is better qualified than the other candidates for places.
This is bonkers!

Original poster
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 14:39

mumofbun · 10/09/2025 14:32

Sometimes it isn't possible to form a selection panel and avoid all conflicts of interest due to scheduling and other procedural things (such as how many people need to be on a panel). What is important is that potential conflicts of interest are declared and taken into account and also that unconscious biases are also considered. Only Mr X will know if there has been a bias in his decision making and influence on the panel however in your situation i would be keen to know

  1. how the panel is selected
  2. if the conflicts were declared
  3. what procedures will be put in place in future if 1&2 are not satisfactory

An example from my own experience - i was interviewed for a managerial position as an internal candidate. Therefore most of the selection panel knew me already and did not know some of the other candidates. This is worked around by always having an external member on the panel. However an added complexity was my PhD supervisor was one of the panel members and so he had a personal relationship with me. He had to declare this to everyone else on the panel and i think if a decision on me came down to some sort of tie his votes wouldn't count. I don't think that other people interviewed would be informed of all this as its personal to me though the procedures are probably public.

Yes, this is my understanding too. Conflicts have to be declared and then managed. I don’t think this has happened so will be asking about it.

OP posts: