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AIBU?

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Is this a conflict of interest?

142 replies

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 10:03

Looking for some advice or perspective on something that’s been really bothering me, as it’s had a huge emotional impact on my DC.
My child (14) has spent the last 6 years heavily involved in a high-level extracurricular activity (think 12+ hours a week). They’ve worked really hard and been fully committed. At the end of last school year, they had the opportunity to apply for a place to continue with the activity. Historically, all children who have done this activity for several years have been offered continuing places.This year, 6 applied and 5 were awarded places. The only one not accepted was my child. There have been no behaviour issues, no cause for concern or issues raised throughout their time in this organisation - this is not the point of my AIBU but I'm adding for context. This decision came completely out of the blue with no feedback and was really upsetting. Understandably, DC is devastated.

Now this is my AIBU- My child had paid-for private lessons in the main skill of this activity with a teacher who also works at the organisation that awards the places. I'll call him Mr X. He taught DC for 3 years and was always happy with my child's performance. At first, things were fine, but Mr X had a habit of being very unreliable (frequent cancellations, no-shows without warning, etc). After a lot of patience, we ended the lessons earlier this year and found a different teacher.

I’ve now learned that Mr X was involved in the selection process for awarding continuing places this year. I think it's important to also mention that he currently teaches 4 out of the 5 children who were awarded continuing places in the program in separate private paid-for lessons (outside of the activity) as he used to do with my child. I was not aware he was involved in this year's decision and only found out when I asked for feedback on why my child didn’t receive a place. I was told it was a 'group decision by key staff' including Mr X. I can’t help but feel this is a conflict of interest as Mr X had a previous teaching relationship with my child (which he possibly now perceives in a negative light), and he currently teaches the majority of the children who were successful in a private capacity. It is not unreasonable to assume that consciously or unconsciously he might favour his own pupils for these really sought-after places and that he should have recused himself. Teaching this skill is his main income. Am I wrong to think this raises questions about the fairness and independence of the whole process?

OP posts:
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tripleginandtonic · 11/09/2025 22:23

monkeysox · 10/09/2025 12:33

Would OP have had a problem with the process if their DC was still having lessons from this person?

This. Seems like sour grapes from OP.

LindaMo2 · 11/09/2025 22:07

how would you feel if you contest this and on appeal it is decided your child had been unfairly discriminated against and is subsequently awarded a place. How would you reconcile another child being removed from the course to accommodate your child?

NewsdeskJC · 11/09/2025 19:45

Did he also judge the previous years when your dc was also his student?

independentfriend · 11/09/2025 19:12

The other issue aside from the conflict of interest point which at least needs an explanation is that it seems to be thought ok to not select 14 year olds for some higher level opportunity without providing them with an alternative option. They're still children, some sport is competitive, yes, but where's the thinking about child welfare? For some teenagers they might want to carry on higher level training with a view to trying to be selected in a subsequent year, others might value it as recreation/ a social thing, others again might want to move into coaching the youngest / beginners in the activity. The organisation should be asked about alternative pathways for those not selected.

And like school reports / employers raising performance issues the not being selected should never be a surprise. If somebody is turning up, with the right stuff, behaving appropriately and everything seems to be going ok but it isn't for reasons that are unclear unless you're a specialist in the activity they need to be 'brave' and explain what the issue is / how to work on it so there isn't a nasty surprise.

GiveDogBone · 11/09/2025 18:11

It is a conflict, but that doesn’t mean he can’t play a role in selection, given his knowledge and involvement in the subject. What you would expect is that the rest of the selection panel is made aware of the conflict.

SL2924 · 10/09/2025 19:44

100% a conflict of interest as other posters have elegantly articulated. I think you have to challenge it, OP. It’s your job to advocate for your child. Won’t you always wonder what would have happened if you don’t take it further? Won’t your child always wonder? I’d put money on this guy denying your child a place cos he’s pissed at losing the business.

thestudio · 10/09/2025 18:18

BeltaLodaLife · 10/09/2025 14:48

Her kid was out forward for, and passed, the highest qualifications out of all of them.

This tutor is responsible for entering his “tutees” for those qualifications but hasn’t entered anyone else in the higher ones… it really doesn’t sound like her kid has the lowest ability.

Ah I missed that sorry.

poetryandwine · 10/09/2025 18:16

ScaryM0nster · 10/09/2025 17:16

They wouldn’t have been declared to you or your child. Theyre declared to the supervisor and the rest of the panel.

From what you’ve described it seems unlikely that it’s not known.

Not sure I agree. The outcome is so blatant - especially if all six DC could have been put forward, which the OP is not completely sure about - that I do not feel confident that either aspect of the CoI was declared.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 10/09/2025 18:03

ScaryM0nster · 10/09/2025 17:16

They wouldn’t have been declared to you or your child. Theyre declared to the supervisor and the rest of the panel.

From what you’ve described it seems unlikely that it’s not known.

@ScaryM0nster there is generally a conflicts of interest policy that is available to view and they may also make the register in regard to this point available.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 10/09/2025 18:02

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 16:28

Thank you. I am very much hoping this is the case. The umbrella organisation is all about fairness, justice and transparency.

@timetablechaos I hope you have made an enquiry and expressed the concern that there is a conflict in the selection process (there 100% is how you have described it).

It unfortunate but we need to advocate for our children and point out when processes have glaringly obvious faults - it doesn't mean that you child may be selected its about making sure this process does not continue as it is not fair.

ScaryM0nster · 10/09/2025 17:16

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 16:59

Yes I realise if declared and managed it can be appropriate and conflicts of interest managed. Please see my reply to another poster up thread. I do not think that conflicts have been declared, so I think I will be asking further questions. It’s my understanding that in a fair and transparent process that shouldn’t be a problem.

They wouldn’t have been declared to you or your child. Theyre declared to the supervisor and the rest of the panel.

From what you’ve described it seems unlikely that it’s not known.

poetryandwine · 10/09/2025 17:12

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 16:59

Yes I realise if declared and managed it can be appropriate and conflicts of interest managed. Please see my reply to another poster up thread. I do not think that conflicts have been declared, so I think I will be asking further questions. It’s my understanding that in a fair and transparent process that shouldn’t be a problem.

This principle must be applied with common sense. If someone with CoIs declares them honestly, both positive and negative, their opinions can be useful. It is especially great if they like the work of someone they conflict with. Sadly this is not typical.

But they shouldn’t vote on those people except in rare circumstances. If this results in different numbers of votes cast for different candidates, use percentage outcomes.

The circs described by OP are very stark.

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 16:59

ScaryM0nster · 10/09/2025 16:55

One key bit to keep in mind (and that you seem to be totally missing) is that there are conflicts of interest in all of life, and they’re very, very rarely managed by removing individuals from any exposure to them.

They’re managed by those who are potentially conflicted being open about it. So, in this case, Mr X is an expert in the field. Mr X is involved in the classes. That makes Mr X an entirely appropriate person to be on the selection panel. As long as the rest of the panel know about his and others conflicting interests then all would be above board.

Yes I realise if declared and managed it can be appropriate and conflicts of interest managed. Please see my reply to another poster up thread. I do not think that conflicts have been declared, so I think I will be asking further questions. It’s my understanding that in a fair and transparent process that shouldn’t be a problem.

OP posts:
ScaryM0nster · 10/09/2025 16:55

One key bit to keep in mind (and that you seem to be totally missing) is that there are conflicts of interest in all of life, and they’re very, very rarely managed by removing individuals from any exposure to them.

They’re managed by those who are potentially conflicted being open about it. So, in this case, Mr X is an expert in the field. Mr X is involved in the classes. That makes Mr X an entirely appropriate person to be on the selection panel. As long as the rest of the panel know about his and others conflicting interests then all would be above board.

Doobeedoobeedoobee · 10/09/2025 16:51

I would be asking general questions about the selection criteria, rather than heading in with this necessarily. But seems like it could be a conflict of interest for sure

poetryandwine · 10/09/2025 16:34

Hi, OP -

I feel badly for your DC.

I think you are both entitled to feedback about the process but I am not sure you will get anything very helpful.

It was at minimum the appearance of a CoI for this man to have been on the selection committee. In academia or at least my swathe, he would have been expected to recuse himself from decisions concerning his four ongoing pupils and the one who terminated him. So he should not have been on the selection committee.

Realistically, it does matter whether it was possible to offer six places. Even accepting your DC’s qualifications, we don’t know the selection criteria. They should have been publicised in advance. Although it is right that you request feedback about the process, I am afraid the answers you get may be constructed in a somewhat self protective manner.

It might be best to make a somewhat bland request before mentioning the specific problems you have with the one committee member. I am of two minds about this. I don’t think you will get an admission of impropriety, regrettably, but we can hope that if this man did not declare his CoIs he will not be invited to do this work again.

Aoap78 · 10/09/2025 16:33

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 15:28

Thank you. I think it should always be fine to ask about processes especially if they are opaque and possibly subject to conflicts of interests. I feel I'd be letting my child down if I just said nothing. I will obviously think about phrasing this in the most constructive way possible.

I do agree in principle but it is a bit hard to tell (for me) the actual situation when you mention both a national transparent fair org, but also no local transparency.

Do you know what the selection process is like elsewhere nationally ? In any sports there is some type of baseline criteria at least. That might be a decent bet as to evaluating your local process in comparison

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 16:28

thing47 · 10/09/2025 16:03

There's a governing body\organisation and the activity is connected closely to a charity so @timetablechaos doesn't have to prove anything, all she has to do is ask the question and that will set the dogs running. I know lots of us have had bad experiences with this sort of thing, but honestly charities absolutely will investigate anything t hat even looks like it might be slightly.dodgy - they simply cant afford not to these days.

Thank you. I am very much hoping this is the case. The umbrella organisation is all about fairness, justice and transparency.

OP posts:
timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 16:26

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 10/09/2025 15:55

What did the selection process entail? Was there a physical tryout? Just paperwork?

I know you say it's outing, but I wish we knew more, so advice could be more specific.

From what you have said though, I would follow through because something just feels "off" about it.

No nothing. It was all behind closed doors. No transparent process, no criteria given, no chance for try outs or for the young people to represent themselves. I believe that this itself goes against what this org stands for in and of itself and is grounds for questions. We were not told who would be making the decision. I emailed afterwards so at least got that much. Got a real shock when I saw Mr X come up.

OP posts:
Saz12 · 10/09/2025 16:22

IMO, clear selection criteria at higher levels are v difficult to sort out. EG, attendance and punctuality is easy to track, but effort is more subjective. Improvement and results can be measured, but attitude and potential isn't as clear. So there will always be the potential for favouritism "he's more coachable" type comments.

It does sound unfair this time round. If there's no viable alternative team /coaching to move to, then you've nothing to loose by questioning further, and if necessary following the complaints procedure.

timetablechaos · 10/09/2025 16:21

Hoppinggreen · 10/09/2025 15:56

It must be really upsetting for your child and I get why you are annoyed BUT if Mr X still taught your child and they had been successful would that have been a conflict of interest?

It absolutely would. This is the first year Mr X has been involved.

OP posts:
whattheysay · 10/09/2025 16:06

monkeysox · 10/09/2025 12:33

Would OP have had a problem with the process if their DC was still having lessons from this person?

No because she wouldn’t have been aware of any issues with the process and who was on the panel.

thing47 · 10/09/2025 16:03

There's a governing body\organisation and the activity is connected closely to a charity so @timetablechaos doesn't have to prove anything, all she has to do is ask the question and that will set the dogs running. I know lots of us have had bad experiences with this sort of thing, but honestly charities absolutely will investigate anything t hat even looks like it might be slightly.dodgy - they simply cant afford not to these days.

Rumors1 · 10/09/2025 15:59

Hoppinggreen · 10/09/2025 15:56

It must be really upsetting for your child and I get why you are annoyed BUT if Mr X still taught your child and they had been successful would that have been a conflict of interest?

I dont understand all these comments. Does it matter really? Its only fricking normal that you would have an issue with a process that appears to be biased if it adversely affects your child. If your child wasn't adversely affected you probably wont think twice about it.
Its a hypothetical scenario you are posing as this man wasnt involved in the selection process before.

DolphinOnASkateboard · 10/09/2025 15:57

Sounds very much like the sport one of my DCs is involved with, where one professional coach is responsible for picking the kids who the regional governing body will invest extra time and money in - and he just happens to always create training groups that are c90% comprised of young athletes currently paying to be coached by him, even bending selection criteria to suit them.

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