Page 7 | What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

RapunzelHadExtensions · 10/09/2025 09:36

OMG OP it's you!!
I'm sorry but what an absolute QUEEN 👑

He got absolutely rinsed on SM from what I remember, quite right too.

Lovely to hear you're now doing so much better and had a bloody good party.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 10/09/2025 09:34

1st day back at work after the honeymoon.
He was in the RAF, & used to stay with me Fri p.m. to Mon a.m. + 1 night in the week. His journey was 40 minutes if he used his bike, a bit longer if by car.

That Monday, he kissed me goodbye & said "See you Wednesday".
"Aren't you staying here full time now?"
"No, it's a long journey to work."

My journey was 80 minutes.

The scene was set, the alcoholism was unknown to me, & DV came later.

giddyingup · 10/09/2025 09:33

Fecking hell some of these ‘straws’ are more like giant logs of oak!

TheGetAlongGang · 10/09/2025 09:30

I was in a really bad relationship

I was 19,pregnant and vulnerable

He controlled every single move I made,every penny I spent and wouldn't allow me to do anything

The red flags had been there at the time but they where my normal as I grew up in a narcissistic household

I gave birth to dd and fell pregnant with ds-he did nothing to help,just took my money,locked me in the house and left us there while screaming In my face about how many men I'd had round

I was starting to want more and my freedom/money back and he knew it-the last straw was when we where watching some TV programme and a sex scene came on

I just thought 'I'm never having sex with him again'

He started acting funny and I couldn't put my finger on why

He walked out one day and it turned out he'd been 'seeing a 14 year old' (raping a 14 year old) and had got her pregnant

He took great amusement in flicking me a pound coin ('that's all the money you'll get out of me bitch') and off he went before dragging me through the courts for access

He spent his 4 hours every other week dragging a 2 and a half year old and an 18 month old to places where he could deal drugs (and the courts allowed it)

He lost interest and stopped showing up but I'm the slag who shags anything that moves and his object almost 29 years on

Oh,and he was right,he never paid a penny more for his kids than that pound

The csa rang him and he told them he was 'never paying a penny to that bitch' and they seemed to just give up and never bothered him again

The 14 year old had the baby and nothing happened-he did end up in prison for dealing drugs

All my fault apparently

andthat · 10/09/2025 09:29

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

You don’t sound pathetic at all @SpidersAreShitheads

He was an absolute bastard to you.

im sorry for your dads diagnosis and hope he is coping ok. And im delighted that you got out of what was an abusive relationship.

Rosesanddaffs · 10/09/2025 09:26

When he punched me and clicked his fingers gesturing that I should get lost and he could find someone else just like that.

Funnily enough he’s still single and this was over a decade ago xx

Itsanewlife · 10/09/2025 09:22

After twenty years of with holding sex and intimacy (think less than a dozen times in 20 years, endless couples counseling etc), he suggested an 'open marriage' because girls were throwing themselves at him, and he thought he would like to explore... It's the best thing he ever did for me though because I am now with a lovely man and happy as can be!

Thundertoast · 10/09/2025 09:21

CeciliaDuckiePond · 10/09/2025 07:01

My previous LTR ended slowly and, in fairness, not especially painfully - my ex and I had grown apart after about 10 years. He was, probably still is , fundamentally a decent bloke and the mechanics of the parting - selling house etc. were amicable.

There was one moment that crystallised that the relationship was over, however. We were out for a family meal with my parents and sister - my dad's birthday -and I was eating something a bit messy - can't even remember what it was - and got some sauce in my hair. My sister said to me, really disdainfully "You've got food in your hair" and ex just looked at me, matching her sneering tone with his expression. My parents ate on, paying no attention, and in that moment I felt humiliated, really small and alone.

I realised that in a happy relationship, my 'other half' would have said or done something to lighten the mood, made a joke such as 'Trust Cecilia to do that!' or 'Can't take you anywhere, can we?" or even leaned over with a napkin to wipe the food off. It was sitting there with ex and sister's matching expressions of disdain over absolutely nothing that made me realise I was on my own.

This really resonated with me, sod the lot of them. I hope you've found happiness and peace in your life since ❤

YetanotherNC25 · 10/09/2025 09:18

I ignored about 27 red flags that month for the sake of ‘keeping the peace’. Including being ghosted on our 7 year anniversary.
He’s an awful communicator and assumes the negative whenever I would ask anything. It was so draining to have to tiptoe around a grown man so he wouldn’t get upset, yet still I stayed!
Last straw was when he was due to pick me up to go to a family celebration. He didn’t turn up and ghosted me for days. I finally left. He never gave a shiny shit about me and the penny finally dropped.
Have felt immeasurably better ever since. I pity the next woman who is taken in by his crap. And feel a bit sorry for him now. It was his loss not mine.
What was interesting was the amount of people telling me afterwards that they had no clue what the hell I was doing with him! With a fair amount of very specific reasons for thinking he was a total dickhead. Not one said that whilst we were together.

DashboardConfession · 10/09/2025 09:16

Mine was that, after a night of chatting to a really lovely lad at uni (we had a mutual friend) I went "home" for the weekend and my boyfriend of 3 years opened his door in dirty boxers and a manky old dressing gown. I'd travelled 100 miles and he couldn't even be arsed to get dressed.

I got through the weekend, dumped him, went back to uni and got together with the lovely lad. That was 21 years ago and we have been married for 15 years.

He was generally a jackass & we'd already broken up once when he developed feelings for an online female friend. I should have blocked him then!

HaveIDoneEnough · 10/09/2025 09:16

My DB died tragically and his first thing to say while I was consoling my mother:

So what do you want to do about the kids today.

I needed to be with my family and he made it difficult as he didn't want to be minding his kids while I stayed with them.

Then two months later while I was sobbing over DB, what's wrong with you, there's always something wrong with you. Those words were the end.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 10/09/2025 09:14

He spent all the money we had set aside to fix our car on drugs and alcohol, and then stole the money our 7 year old had saved up to buy a Barbie camper van. He’d done so much shit over the years and I always ended up forgiving him, but that, in lockdown, meant that I was getting the bus to work on covid wards (NHS) and taking our kids to school in the middle of a pandemic in London, when people were dying…and stole from his own child. He still can’t understand why I left him!

Pigeon66 · 10/09/2025 09:13

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

It's not pathetic, you were conditioned to accept his behaviour. You did amazingly to get out - he is the pathetic one.

GarlicPint · 10/09/2025 09:11

I spent too much time reading detective fiction 😂😂😂😂

You awful, awful woman, @sesquipedalian!

SeptemberNCing · 10/09/2025 09:09

LavaLaamp · 09/09/2025 23:41

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday.

I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape!

I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him.

Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now.

what about you?

Oh gosh I think I’ve seen the clip of your bridesmaids telling everyone and you partying after. I was actually thinking of that clip before you said it had gone viral.

So glad you’ve gone on to find true happiness!

sesquipedalian · 10/09/2025 09:05

@GarlicPint
“this was when you still had to demonstrate unreasonable behaviour….I promptly signed his ridiculous litany of complaints about me”

This really resonated with me. Ex- DH said he wasn’t letting me divorce him and he would divorce me - I didn’t care because I just wanted out. So I am divorced for my unreasonable behaviour on the grounds that I spent too much time reading detective fiction, and too much time on the phone to my family. I remember the letter that came with the decree nisi, which said that this was behaviour no normal person could reasonably put up with, and thinking it was both funny, and unimaginative on his part - we’d been married for over fifteen years!

meatyryvita · 10/09/2025 09:02

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

You absolutely do NOT sound pathetic! you sound incredibly strong and you stood up for an innocent animal - that was your boundary - he crossed it and you left. You are incredible @SpidersAreShitheads xx

reversegear · 10/09/2025 08:59

Mine went to the pub 3 days after I’d had surgery and got so drunk if I’d needed him he couldn’t have helped. I realised he had been desperate to go out and drink as I’d been a massive inconvenience by getting sick and needing surgery. He couldn’t even stay home for 4-5 days without drinking?

when he was called out he said “you said you were fine, so it was ok” 😳

ClawsandEffect · 10/09/2025 08:57

3 of 'em (WTF is wrong with me???).

1 - many, many things. Abusive, alcoholic, controlling. But the thing that did it for me was his reading my diary to try to check up on me (I wasn't doing anything!) when we were supposedly in the middle of marriage counselling.

2 - He and violent, alcoholic ex had just been away on holiday, came back for xmas and new year and spent NYE with his friend whose relationship had just broken down. Friend went to bed, ex stayed up with me, ignoring me, didn't speak to me at all and slept downstairs on the sofa. He dropped me off on his way home and that was it. I never saw him again. He left it a month before getting in touch, as if nothing had happened but I just said, 'It's over.' At which point he became the victim and told everyone we knew that I'd dumped HIM by text.

3 - I spent 5 years waiting for him (not a violent alcoholic abuser this time!) to be ready for a commitment (not necessarily marriage, just living together, normal stuff). At which point he said 'I'll always live with my kids and that isn't changing' (kids were 35 & 38). I didn't end it that night, but I started looking for an overseas job then. And was gone six months later.

SameOldMe · 10/09/2025 08:57

My young daughter threw a shoe in my face in anger, and my nose was dripping in blood. He told me i deserved it for being a terrible mother. Up to this point i didn't realise how much the children were impacted by his behaviour. I knew i had to get out for their sake.

lilylooleelala · 10/09/2025 08:56

I think it was the realisation that I didn’t like him as a person. Obviously arguments and disagreements, betrayals and everything else was the reason but in the silence of all of that, I really really did not like him as a person. After that understanding it was easy to get a divorce and end everything.

blackheartsgirl · 10/09/2025 08:54

I had to put up with horrible behaviour and abuse for 13 years prior to this but I injured my hand in work one day which needed urgent surgery so the day before I was due to go in and I had my arm in a sling bandaged up i was trying to serve Chinese takeaway to my brother and his gf where ex just looked on and refused to help because he was tired from work. My brothers gf who I’d never met before came to my rescue and helped me out.

2 days after the op my ex again refused to help me do anything and I was pulling washing out of the machine, washing up one handed, on my feet hoovering whilst he just sat on his X box sighing and tutting because I had to take my time cooking one handed. And the ultimate sting?? I asked him for his help to button up my coat and he turned round, roughly grabbed the front of my jacket and said ffs your a pain in the arse, I’ve got better things to do.

i did leave him but it took another five months of planning to get him out. The day I kicked him out the kids and I celebrated by having a take out and a little mini party.

them i met and married a lovely man.

Cantabulous · 10/09/2025 08:48

He shouted at me for wearing my shoes into the house. That was the final straw after a 30 year relationship. In the grand scheme of things it was a tiny thing but it just finally pushed me over the edge. I told him then and there I was divorcing him and I never looked back or regretted that decision for a second.

CakeFace1234 · 10/09/2025 08:46

OP, I have seen your post and wanted to message before I read the whole post. I saw your viral post. You looked absolutely beautiful and all I could think of was - What a Loser for letting this incredible, beautiful and brave girl go. It was lovely how your wedding party ensured you still had a fabulous day that really was all about you! Wishing you, and all in this thread, the absolute best.

justasking111 · 10/09/2025 08:46

OverlyFragrant · 10/09/2025 00:01

I'm doing great. I've done more growing and living in the 4 years without him than the 14 years with him
He on the other hand has become this weird podcaster who talks about "high value women" and how dating is so hard for high value men like him 🤢🤮
He also visits Thailand and Brazil quite frequently for sex tourism so you know what, I'm good thanks.

Show quote history

Friends ex who was blowing hot and cold with her until it all fizzled out because he was such a manipulative bastard decided to stand as an MP. Well he did an article in the nationals saying how hard it was to date there were no women who wanted to settle down . Internet dating wasn't any good Etc ad nauseum. We couldn't believe the cheek of him.