Page 3 | What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

LavaLaamp · 2025-09-09T22:41:16+00:00

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday. I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape! I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him. Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now. what about you?

tothelefttotheleft · 10/09/2025 22:42

@TreeDudette

Did it disadvantage you financially and with child contact that he'd been staying home and not working?

tothelefttotheleft · 10/09/2025 21:55

ILoveWhales · 10/09/2025 09:54

I couldn't take seriously anyone who saw such a shit film three or four times and the sing along version. Absolutely cringeworthy.
Equally, I wouldn't have been cruel to your face about it.

As for mine, I caught two of them cheating. So that was that really.

Edited

No you'd just be cruel online.

The only person who is cringeworthy is you.

WestwardHo1 · 10/09/2025 20:34

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 10/09/2025 20:01

Same ex that I left when told me I had to go to his that night or never go back when my Mum was dying of cancer. He used to get at me via my food.

I cooked for him and made a bread and butter pudding. I know it's traditionally made from old bread but I bought bread, cream, duck eggs, vanilla pods, big grain sugar for topping and those huge yellow sultanas that you can buy in delis. It was work of art, it rose like a souffle and smelled divine.

He wouldn't eat it because 'it's the food of the poor'.

Both of us are from a council house background and neither of us had much money but it was apparently beneath him to eat this pudding that had cost me a lot of money to make.

I ate mine and I could tell it was driving him mad not having any and that I had gone ahead and eaten it. I was hurt by what he had said though.

It's death by a thousand cuts. If I cooked for him he moaned. If I didn't he moaned.

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I know it's not the point of the post but I so want some of that pudding 😋

Hollowvoice · 10/09/2025 20:03

I actually don't know what "the moment" was.
There were lots of things wrong and then he had an affair but I'd decided to try and forgive him.
But a few weeks later I was out, bought my friend a drink and handed it to her saying "I think my marriage is over"

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 10/09/2025 20:01

TreeDudette · 10/09/2025 15:14

Mine was small and boring sounding compared to these. I made dinner and put it on the table in front of him and he huffed. That huff was the last straw. I waited until DD had eaten and left the table and then I told him I was fed up of being miserable and asked him to leave. He packed a bag, took the big car and the caravan and left that evening. He came back a week later to ask what was happening next and I said I wanted a divorce.

He never cheated, never hit me, didn't gaslight me. But oh my lord above he was a misery. Everything was doom and gloom, everyone was out to get him, the world was against him, every meal was awful, every activity uncomfortable or dull. He had sucked the joy out of my life by degrees until I was so unhappy it felt unbearable. He hadn't worked in years - and if he'd been happy with that I'd not have minded but it made him miserable but work made him more miserable. He wanted a puppy and then that made him miserable. Our daughter made him miserable. I had tried getting him to go to the GP but the pills, whilst they made him more bearable, made him eat so he got fat and killed his libido (not a problem for me) so he stopped taking them.

We split 7 years ago now and he hasn't changed a bit, he is still like a walking Eeyore. I had to help him find a rental flat last summer after he needed to move and got so overwhlemed with it all he quit his job. He is now pretty much 100% out of his daughters life all by his own hand. He just makes no effort and she can no longer be bothered to carry the load. He would probably blame me or my new partner or the universe as he does for every other thing in his life but the truth is that he is just the anti-joy and no one can put up with that for long. I feel incredibly sorry for him and utterly grateful that he is no longer my problem.

Same ex that I left when told me I had to go to his that night or never go back when my Mum was dying of cancer. He used to get at me via my food.

I cooked for him and made a bread and butter pudding. I know it's traditionally made from old bread but I bought bread, cream, duck eggs, vanilla pods, big grain sugar for topping and those huge yellow sultanas that you can buy in delis. It was work of art, it rose like a souffle and smelled divine.

He wouldn't eat it because 'it's the food of the poor'.

Both of us are from a council house background and neither of us had much money but it was apparently beneath him to eat this pudding that had cost me a lot of money to make.

I ate mine and I could tell it was driving him mad not having any and that I had gone ahead and eaten it. I was hurt by what he had said though.

It's death by a thousand cuts. If I cooked for him he moaned. If I didn't he moaned.

Pliudev · 10/09/2025 18:27

He was up a ladder painting the living room ceiling when, over his shoulder, he said, 'Oh, your grandma's in intensive care'.

Errolwasahero · 10/09/2025 18:08

My exh was emotionally and physically abusive. I only ‘saw’ it when he turned the ea on to our eldest dd. Like scales lifting.

next ‘d’p; when I came into a bit of money and he was increasing pressure on me to use it for his ‘business venture’ (latest pos stupid idea).

Dailyncwympo · 10/09/2025 17:50

He was pleased about the Hamas attack on the music festival.

WestwardHo1 · 10/09/2025 17:47

With exH, here was no straw. It was a million tiny things over a few years that my head tricked me into thinking were "normal".

But looking back, when I realised we no longer laughed together. Then I started realising the other things had also died. It was bloody sad.

I've had another relationship end recently, which I've found way more painful, because we still had fun, still laughed, still enjoyed one another's company. I thought we could work on the things that weren't working, but he didn't. So here I am 😥

CeciliaDuckiePond · 10/09/2025 17:43

Thundertoast · 10/09/2025 09:21

This really resonated with me, sod the lot of them. I hope you've found happiness and peace in your life since ❤

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Yes, I have, thank you for your kind words. I've now been married 20+ years to a man who'd never do that kind of thing. My sister and I are also much closer than we were back then.

Timeforatincture · 10/09/2025 16:17

GarlicPint · 10/09/2025 09:11

I spent too much time reading detective fiction 😂😂😂😂

You awful, awful woman, @sesquipedalian!

So do I! I don't know how my husband tolerates it!

Fernticket · 10/09/2025 16:14

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 10/09/2025 13:11

Yours is worse than mine. Her Mum was a good mum. I was like a big sister really. I never had concerns in that respect. Her dad, my ex, was not a great dad although he thought he was. He was very inconsistent with them and moody whereas I am a very steady and samey person. He abdicated responsibility for her entirely onto me when he had contact but I didn't care. I didn't want children of my own as we have some very odd genes in our family. I treasured every moment with this little girl though as she was funny and spunky and fearless and interested in everything. If I could have had kids like her I would have had a massive brood of my own. I left when she was at home with her Mum. I felt ripped in two as I drove away but felt stupid feeling the way I did as it's not recognised as 'a thing'.

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There was a thread on here last week from someone who wanted to leave her partner, but felt that she couldn't as he had a DD from a previous relationship whose Mum had left her with him. He was a rubbish Dad. The OP was the only responsible adult in this child's life. The OP really loves the child and it's the only thing keeping her there.
So it definitely is a thing.

TreeDudette · 10/09/2025 15:14

Mine was small and boring sounding compared to these. I made dinner and put it on the table in front of him and he huffed. That huff was the last straw. I waited until DD had eaten and left the table and then I told him I was fed up of being miserable and asked him to leave. He packed a bag, took the big car and the caravan and left that evening. He came back a week later to ask what was happening next and I said I wanted a divorce.

He never cheated, never hit me, didn't gaslight me. But oh my lord above he was a misery. Everything was doom and gloom, everyone was out to get him, the world was against him, every meal was awful, every activity uncomfortable or dull. He had sucked the joy out of my life by degrees until I was so unhappy it felt unbearable. He hadn't worked in years - and if he'd been happy with that I'd not have minded but it made him miserable but work made him more miserable. He wanted a puppy and then that made him miserable. Our daughter made him miserable. I had tried getting him to go to the GP but the pills, whilst they made him more bearable, made him eat so he got fat and killed his libido (not a problem for me) so he stopped taking them.

We split 7 years ago now and he hasn't changed a bit, he is still like a walking Eeyore. I had to help him find a rental flat last summer after he needed to move and got so overwhlemed with it all he quit his job. He is now pretty much 100% out of his daughters life all by his own hand. He just makes no effort and she can no longer be bothered to carry the load. He would probably blame me or my new partner or the universe as he does for every other thing in his life but the truth is that he is just the anti-joy and no one can put up with that for long. I feel incredibly sorry for him and utterly grateful that he is no longer my problem.

Fizzybubbles24 · 10/09/2025 15:08

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

No you dont sound pathetic at all x

ShoeeMcfee · 10/09/2025 14:53

I recognise those feelings of shame and embarrassment that some people are describing. You keep willing them to be better, to act like a grown up, but they never do because they're not capable.

Adelle79360 · 10/09/2025 14:36

Like many of you, there were many years of awful things and red flags galore, but I felt so ashamed of everything he did I couldn’t bring myself to end the relationship because it would mean I’d have to tell people what I’d put up with for so long.

One day we agreed to take the kids out to a local park. We’d had a bit of a disagreement over something I can’t even remember now, nothing major. I sat on the stairs (silly place!) putting my daughter’s shoes on and he needed to get past to get upstairs. Instead of letting me just move to the side, he put a leg either side of me and then pushed down, on my head, and a muscle in my neck made a cracking sound. I was in agony, the kids had seen it, and in that moment I realised I really fucking hated him and he clearly hated me too as you don’t treat anyone you love or even like in that way. Looking back I know I should have called the police and had him arrested, but I didn’t because I knew the only person that would be embarrassed would be me and children, he didn’t give a shit.

250mlmax · 10/09/2025 14:34

My final straw moment was very undramatic compared to some of the stories here.

Luckily no kids or financial ties, but we lived together. After seven years of low level emotional abuse, controlling behaviour and general dickishness, we were on holiday and I was watching him walk by the pool. It was as if I was seeing him through other people's eyes for the first time. How had I never noticed that he was slightly knock-kneed? How had I never noticed that his chin and jawline was weak? How had I never noticed that he tried to puff out his chest when he walked because he was trying to look 'hard'?

I got the instant ick and I had the sudden realisation that if I was to meet him for the first time now, in a bar or at a party or something, I wouldn't give him the time of day. And more than that - I didn't even like him as a person. He was negative and cruel and jealous of other people's success. He had no sense of humour to speak of and was just a fucking drain to be around.

In that moment any love or attraction I had for him drained out of my body and it was like my world had snapped into this new reality where he was no longer someone I had to tread on eggshells around and be desperate to please him, he was actually just a pathetic twat with a smaller than average sized penis.

I ended it as soon as we were back in the UK.

thatsthatsaidthemayor · 10/09/2025 14:29

He rolled his eyes.

GhostInTheWashingMachine · 10/09/2025 14:28

Ex 1: Was financially and emotionally controlling. Cheated constantly.

After I had DC2 he made me stay in the hospital an extra day because he had an important game to play (and he'd made sure I had no way of making friends who might have helped).

He resented it when I went back to work after DC2 as it meant I would come into contact with other people. When I hosted a leaving party for a colleague he sat in the same room all night but didn't speak to any of the guests.

When I finally felt I could leave, he said if I wanted us to stay together I had to leave my job and have another baby. It was so literally "I want you barefoot and pregnant" that I just laughed.

Ex 2: Told me no one else would put up with me, I was a heavy burden to carry & I couldn't cope without him.

Cheated constantly. When I found out about one OW he told me the details about her and others with glee. When I asked if he would promise not to do it again he said no, that would be too boring.

When we bought a house together (we had previously been living in mine, where he paid nothing except occasionally buying a takeaway), he had to decide everything about the house & threatened to leave if he didn't get his way.

The last time, I said, "Ok, go ahead," & he was shocked, packed his stuff & started huffily moving out waiting for me to beg him to stay. I didn't.

Chucklecheeks01 · 10/09/2025 14:11

When asking Dh if he knew where my laptop was and his reply was "i lent it to Glenda (not her name) from work". He never lent anyone anything, he was too tight.

He had given the other woman my laptop. He had been gas lighting me for weeks. I knew there and then; sat on his mothers sofa, whilst he squirmed at the other end of the room, he was cheating and I was leaving.

Bitter sweet, 20 plus years down the drain but 10 years me and the kids are happy

MilleniumMouse · 10/09/2025 14:06

TheGetAlongGang · 10/09/2025 13:17

I've had something similar

Once id told him to fuck off and he'd thrown his pound coin at me,he ran back to mummies house

Unfortunately if you looked out of her bathroom window,you could see straight into my bedroom window

And he took full advantage of this

He always seemed to know where I was,what I was doing and who I was spending time with

It turned out he was stalking me,going through my bins and keeping tabs on me-the fbi should have hired him

I remember him breaking in (more than once),waking the whole house up and screaming at me that id been shagging another man and where was he?

The police where worse than useless,unless he hurt me there was nothing they could do,not even have a word with him

I spent more than 2 years,shit scared that he would kill me and nobody cared

I ended up moving to get shot of him (I did a swap) and he found where I was living (he didn't care about the kids,he wanted control)

Fast forward a few years and I'm walking through town when he appeared in front of me,screaming id spent his money on my hair,clothes,nails and make up (laughable as he never paid a penny)

I moved 136 miles away and hes badgered my friends for my address as 'I've got a right to know where she is!')

Thankfully they've all told him to fuck off but it's scary how he thinks he still controls me 29 years on

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That is really terrifying. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's an awful experience, not feeling safe in your own house.

Skybluepinky · 10/09/2025 13:45

When him breathing in the same room as me got on my nerves I knew it was time to leave, I didn’t and haven’t looked back even though he then did a stalking campaign.

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 10/09/2025 13:32

Cantabulous · 10/09/2025 08:48

He shouted at me for wearing my shoes into the house. That was the final straw after a 30 year relationship. In the grand scheme of things it was a tiny thing but it just finally pushed me over the edge. I told him then and there I was divorcing him and I never looked back or regretted that decision for a second.

The pisser is for all of us that had a 'final straw' scenario, that these men will be telling other people that they were divorced as a result of a innocuous thing when nothing could be farther from the truth. It's the background appalling shite that they have repeated time and again but at the time we were in a position where we had to let it slide for a variety of reasons.

I guess eventually their next partners go through the same thing and leave for the same reasons.

My ex that was a monstrous perv got married shortly after I left him. Within two years he was single again so I'm hoping she discovered his true nature and left for the same reason I did as at least I would have had a bit of validation.

TheGetAlongGang · 10/09/2025 13:17

MilleniumMouse · 10/09/2025 09:51

He had been displaying controlling behaviour for a while, but then it escalated to full-on stalking.

He would know which of my colleagues were in the office with me that day (would drive past my work to see which cars were parked outside).

He would know what I had eaten when he was out the house (I thought he was rummaging through the bin for wrappers, but he would also know if I had made a slice of toast or whatever - no idea how!).

He would go through my bag and read any receipts I had in there, and use the information to unsettle me months down the line - "Well, I know you went into x store and bought a pair of size 14 jeans". When I asked how he knew this, he would say things like "I get told things all the time".

The final straw came when I got back from a business trip, and he started accusing me of having an affair. He said "And who was the owner of that blue audi you were parked up next to? Is he the guy you're sleeping with?". The only way he could have possibly known that was if he had followed me all the way to the hotel I was staying at, 5 hours away. I had deliberately told him the wrong hotel too, so he must have had a tracker put on my car.

My blood ran cold and I ended the relationship that same week.