What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

The state of our relationship made me cry uncontrollably in public on a ‘romantic’ holiday in Greece. We both knew there was no going back.

Didn't you brother have boundaries and know it would hurt you? Do you still speak to him?

Amazing stories on here including the OPs! .

After 7 years with my ex with a lot of guilt tripping, stonewalling, tying myself up like a pretzel to be who he wanted me to be, I finally realised the idea of staying with him felt like a slow death. One of the last straws was when I left him alone at my friends wedding to dance with some female friends and he didn't speak to me for a month. When he finally did he told me I'd abandoned him around a bunch of people he didn't know. Those people were my best friends and he'd been with me for 7 years... he'd just never ever made any effort. That night I left him in the hotel room and danced til 5am, knowing id have the silent treatment for weeks ahead but I suddenly didn't care. We patched up after that wedding but I became quite unwell with stomach issues from the stress. One day I was sitting in the sun and it occurred to me I could just break up with him and I swear it was like a bag had been taken off my head and I could suddenly see the world around me again. I never looked back once he was gone. Met my husband a few months later and pregnant not long after. I always joke it was when broodiness hit that I subconsciously realised my ex wasn't good father material and that's when things fell apart 😄 the truth is probably more than he was moderately emotionally abusive and I was blindly loyal.

I had been married for 20 years and had 3 dc together. I had been unhappy for a long time as he was a champion sulker, controlling, emotionally abusive, occasionally physically aggressive towards objects when he was in a mood, self-centered with his time and money. I know, what a catch. Things started coming to a head while I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, who threatened to be born at 33 weeks (she managed to hold on until 37 weeks) and I spent a couple of days on bedrest in hospital while I got steroid injections etc. When I came home, I realised that he couldn't give less of a shit about my wellbeing or that of the baby, expecting me to do everything around the house and for our 2 existing kids, and making pointed comments when I sat down to take a break. The final straw was not a big deal compared to the rest of his narcissistic behaviour, but was the final straw nonetheless. It came when dd was a newborn and we were in a coffee shop. DS1 was 2 and a half and was starting to get up from the table and run around. Exdh started having a massive go at me, saying "YOU need to get YOUR child under control" without lifting a finger to help. I felt so humiliated because I could see the people at the next table exchanging pitying looks throughout his rant. I finally realized that he knew he was humiliating me, he just didn't care. That was when I started making serious plans to leave. 5 years out, and have not regretted it for a single second. My house is a place of calm and I have my autonomy back.

Sounds like he had anxiety

Did he not show up to the wedding because he was gay?

"he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later."

Could we get more on this, please?

Some sad stories on here, but also with a silver lining because you’ve gotten away from those POSs - single life is better than abuse - which comes in many forms .
Feel sad to think of women / or men / stuck in sad abusive relationships.sad for the kids too.

What a twat! How did he react to being dumped?

And you’re absolutely on the money, so many men use women’s labour to present a family man image to the world.

Was he agoraphobic? Needed therapy

Anyone referring to themselves as high value and seeking high value sound ridiculous!

So many things so many, but mainly he never ever gives me a hug it's awful, and he goads me in to a row and then films me, it's been going on for years and I can't do it anymore, we are currently separating and he is being so awful about it

So sorry to hear that . His silence on that matter told you volumes about his limitations as a human being . Perfect strangers hearts on here going out to you. Your mum has your back in heaven as she did on earth .

I googled "high profile marine biologist uk" and it came back with David Attenborough...is it him?

I'm very much over it now and I've moved on and I have a really good life now, but at the time I ended up having a mental breakdown and had to move in with my parents for over a year as I was unsafe to be alone. Now its just one of those "funny" trauma stories that always gets a 😧 reaction

With your brother?!
Some people have no morals.

There had been issues for a while. We didn't even eat together and he never wanted to do anything together as a family. It got to the point where I used to dread his days off or hearing the key in the door. I just didn't want to be in his presence anymore because it just brought me down. Then I found out he had been cheating on me with my brother

Hmm. I realised my marriage was over when I begged him to support me to not be in work when our middle child was 1. We were both SE contractors and the plan from him was that I'd be at home with DS until he was in school, because our schedules were both erratic.
I went back to work, doing night shifts. I would get home, and he would hand me DS on the way out the door, I'd stay awake all day, and it ravaged my mental health.
I begged him to allow me to stop, because he refused to pay for childcare, or a cleaner, so I was awake for literal days at a time.
He refused. He spent all of his money on "wants" or his own, but I spent my money on bills and the holiday that he wanted.
I found out I was pregnant and said, actually I'm not doing this anymore. No. I'll work in the day, but you need to help with childcare. He refused. He refused any conversation at all about the pregnancy or anything else.

We had the holiday he wanted, I spent 12 hours on 2 separate flights, teenage DD resting on me, toddler DS on me the whole 2 flights, backache from the pregnancy, whilst he sat on his phone, taking photos and posting about how proud he was of his family.
People I knew actually messaged me to see if I was OK, because whilst he was calling that bi's favourite photo of me, he couldn't see how desperately sad I looked. Really that was when I realised he didn't really see me as a person, just the one who would do all the grunt work for him to then say "Ah! My beautiful family! LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH!!"

I bought an ironing board

And he was furious. He sulked for days. All because I had bought this ironing board alone, chosen it alone, brought it back from the supermarket alone. He wasn't happy that I had done all of this all by myself, without any input or help from him.

For context, I was in my 40s and we didn't live together, and his mother did all his ironing for him (I know, I know) he would never have used said ironing board

It was then that I realised just how controlling he had become and that was the end of that

When he bought expensive Christmas gifts for everyone in his family but forgot to get anything (even a token present) for me.

Mine isn't particularly exciting but I was married to a guy who was like my best friend in that when we hung out together we had a great time but he never ever wanted to do anything. I couldn't ever say, "it's x's party on this date" because he would just make up some daft excuse not to come. We once went touring in my parents motorhome and he literally didnt leave the motorhome, I would go and explore and he would sit in playing games on his phone. Eventually I just started doing things without him, going on the holidays that he never wanted to go on, going to parties and days out without him, but I would get really lonely. It would also be embarrassing to always have to give some stupid excuse as to why he wasnt there.The final holiday I went on I actually changed my plans from going travelling around Europe in my parents motorhome to travelling round Scotland, where we live, so that he could at least come meet me on his days off work. I had been travelling round for 4 weeks and hadn't seen him in that time, the day he was due to meet me, 40 minutes from where we live, he made an excuse not to come. That was when I knew we were done. He wasn't a bad guy but we were just very different people who wanted very different things out of life.

I knew it was over with my exh when he raped me as 6 year old ds slept in the next room 6 feet away. I left him within a week.

He cancelled a day out I was looking forward to yet again and I just knew I couldn't do it any more. He then met and got engaged to someone abroad he met online really quickly and that did throw me and made me wobble but luckily he went though with it and was married within 6 months. I think we are both happier as a result although it took me a while to get over him. I'm now with lovely DH who always wants to spend quality time together.

I think I’ve seen your story online op.
Three things - firstly what a fuckwit your ex was, secondly what good and loving friends and family you had and thirdly - you looked bloody gorgeous! And all the better for not having said fuckwit hanging round your neck!

My ex lied to me. We were living abroad, he had to do a visa run. No big deal - but then stood me up the day before, and only admitted as he was heading out the door the next morning that he was off to the border!

This was the final straw. He had a habit of lying and hiding things he didnt like to deal with. I realised he was never going to change, and I deserved better.

Sadly haven't met anyone else yet, but hoping that changes soon.

My ex lied to me. We were living abroad, he had to do a visa run. No big deal - but then stood me up the day before, and only admitted as he was heading out the door the next morning that he was off to the border!

This was the final straw. He had a habit of lying and hiding things he didnt like to deal with. I realised he was never going to change, and I deserved better.

Sadly haven't met anyone else yet, but hoping that changes soon.