Page 10 | What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

Conniebygaslight · 10/09/2025 06:26

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

You don’t sound pathetic OP, you sound abused.

PenelopeChipShop · 10/09/2025 06:13

What amazing stories, I’m glad you’re all out of these awful relationships!

It wasn’t so dramatic for me but what jumps out is being at a wedding with our toddler son (I was also newly pregnant) and crying when I listened to the couple saying their vows because it hit me that even though we hadn’t been married long ourselves, we weren’t happy. I hid my tears but really noticed my ex-DH’s behaviour at the wedding and he just wasn’t interested in me. No talking, dancing, no looking after our son, anyone observing probably wouldn’t even have realised we were together.

Not long after that we were walking home from somewhere and I realised he was walking miles ahead of me - I felt so irrelevant to him. We actually stayed together until my daughter was born but it turned out he was cheating and he left when she was a baby.

cantthinkofanythingelse · 10/09/2025 06:09

We were both self employed but his work dried up suddenly. Rather than look for anything else, he let me take another full time job working nights, it ruined my health. He didn’t do anything much during the day either, maybe washed the car or mowed the lawn but left all the housework, cooking and childcare to either me or my DM who stepped up to help. This went on for about 2 years, although we are still married, we lead separate lives as I’ve never really forgiven him

sesquipedalian · 10/09/2025 06:07

I put up with far too much for far too long, including DV, but the actual final straw was the day I’d gone out early and left him in charge of the kids, and when I came home at 1.15pm he was still in bed. I remember thinking in that moment that he didn’t give a fig for any of us - things were difficult between him and me and I’d tried to stick it out for the kids’ sake, but if he wasn’t even bothered about them, enough. The divorce was awful - luckily I met someone else and we saw each other through our divorces before going our separate ways. I then met the man who I’ve been with for over 20 years - he is a dear and lovely DH , gentle and utterly reliable so pretty much the opposite of ex-DH. I think I’m very lucky.

MoonEmu · 10/09/2025 05:58

Wow you are all so much better off. Men are awful, just awful.

Muffinmam · 10/09/2025 05:54

SmallestGnome · 10/09/2025 01:14

I'm very much over it now and I've moved on and I have a really good life now, but at the time I ended up having a mental breakdown and had to move in with my parents for over a year as I was unsafe to be alone. Now its just one of those "funny" trauma stories that always gets a 😧 reaction

Show quote history

Do you still have a relationship with your brother??

mejustmenothingtobe · 10/09/2025 05:51

When he launched himself across the room and pinned my15-year-old son to the sofa and threatened him. There is no coming back from that one.

Muffinmam · 10/09/2025 05:49

Pixiedust1234 · 09/09/2025 23:56

He told me it was an 8yr old's fault for looking at a flashers dick as she should have averted her eyes instead. It was her fault she was upset as she could have ignored the situation but she chose not to.

We have two DD together 😮

What was/is wrong with him?!?

Muffinmam · 10/09/2025 05:48

Harrriet · 09/09/2025 23:49

My mum died and he didn't say anything.

wtf!!!

I’m so sorry that happened you 😔

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 10/09/2025 05:47

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

No, you don’t sound pathetic at all. I left my ex when he threatened to kill my cats. He’d been threatening and physically hurting me for years, but when he threatened the cats? It literally opened my eyes and I noped out of there within 3 days. It literally made me see I’d done nothing wrong and this was on him.

stayathomer · 10/09/2025 05:43

Don’t know if it’s over yet but it was a simple look, like he was disappointed because I couldn’t figure something out. He knows my mind better than anyone and would have laughed before (with me) and explained. It had happened a number of times before that but this was the saddest one.

Zanatdy · 10/09/2025 05:40

I saw your story online too. Glad life has worked out well for you. What great friends you have.

Wallywobbles · 10/09/2025 05:37

I went to see a lawyer when he said he wanted to have our 2 & 3 yo DD put into care during a fight. We were divorced pretty soon afterwards.
It took a good decade but he lost parental responsibility.

Lilactimes · 10/09/2025 05:33

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

You sound incredible - you left in the end and that’s hard to do. Well done. Really hope you’re ok now @SpidersAreShitheads

charlieandjenna · 10/09/2025 05:30

He got angry with me because I wanted my daughter to come to the funeral directors to arrange my mums funeral with me instead of him. He packed his belongings and moved back to his mum’s four days after my mum died. There was no way back from that. The one time everything wasn’t revolving around him!!

Mapletree1985 · 10/09/2025 05:26

The moment I knew was when I was pregnant with our second child and caught a virus which I passed on to our toddler. We were both running a fever and vomiting. He'd arranged to go play squash with a friend. I begged him not to go, to stay and look after us, but he said, "It's only an hour." Of course it wasn't only an hour, and of course he wasn't playing squash with a friend, but it was years later that I finally twigged I'd married a serial cheater. What I realised in the moment was that he didn't care enough about me or the kids to ever put us first.

Unfortunately, because of the kids, I stayed with him for another ten years. What a waste of time.

abracadabra1980 · 10/09/2025 05:03

After many violent verbal emotional outbursts, he called me a cunt, and said he 'was going to knife me'. Severe mental health problems on this occasion, were not possible to ignore or forgive. I ended it that day. You can't fix everything, or sometimes anything, and I'm one million times happier on my own.

Muffinmam · 10/09/2025 04:33

He booked a tour around Europe without me. He only told me when he was preparing to leave. I asked him why he never asked me to come and he said “[my real name] you don't have any money” and looked at me with pathetic sympathy. I had been paying for all our dates because he said he didn’t make much money (which was a complete lie he made almost double my salary).

I had a good job, I had savings and I could have got a very large payout from my job (he waited until the voluntary redundancy period expired). I lost out on over $40k (which was a lot at the time).

I quit my job anyway and found a new job. He went overseas and set his Facebook so I couldn’t see anything be did. I found a recent friend he added on Facebook and through her profile I found pictures of them cuddled up together wearing togas. He had deliberately restricted my access to Facebook. I asked him if he cheated on me and he said “I haven’t cheated yet…” and went on to blame me for not having sex (one time when I was on my period).

I assumed we were broken up. I was in a dressing room to buy a new outfit for a date with a new guy and he phoned me like the last conversation never happened and mentioned the time his flight landed. He wanted me to pick him up from the airport!! He lived not far from the airport - a taxi was so cheap - but this stingy POS wanted me to drive out to the airport, park, wait for him to clear customs, pick him up and pay for parking and drive him home. I lived further away than him and a lot further away from the international airport.

I just hung up the phone.

After the breakup I had so much extra money because I wasn’t paying for him every time we went out.

I regret all of the time I wasted on loser men.

Also, I remember watching a video of your story online. That guy really did you dirty. I’m glad you moved on and are happy now.

Jazliv · 10/09/2025 03:57

LavaLaamp · 09/09/2025 23:41

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday.

I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape!

I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him.

Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now.

what about you?

I have seen the video about the groom not turning up and you carrying on with the party. What an absolute a**e
how anyone could do that is beyond me

Trainsandshuttlecocks · 10/09/2025 03:44

LavaLaamp · 09/09/2025 23:41

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday.

I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape!

I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him.

Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now.

what about you?

Wow good for you - I think I recall seeing the images that went viral ❤️.

For me, in my early 20s having been with my BF (11yrs my senior) for 2 years or so by then, I finally had the courage to ask: Where is this relationship going?
His response: I don't envisage myself as marrying you or being the mother of my children.

So I broke it off with him pretty swiftly and left the house we rented together, but he did say to me a couple of weeks later: If you'd have waited, you would have got what you wanted!

No mate, that was not our future.

KawasakiBabe · 10/09/2025 03:41

I was in an abusive relationship. We shared a car at the time, he was getting ready for work, I was going to drop him off and have the car for the day. I was tidying up and asked him if he wanted to keep a magazine, he said yes and I threw it down, not in a bad way, it landed properly, he shouted at me. It was like a switch clicked in my head, it was over just like that. After years of abuse that I’d put up with, a non-event broke it. I just walked out the front door. He drove to work, I walked to his office, picked the car up, took it home (it was my house and we weren’t married)), I put all his stuff in the car and drove it back to his office and parked it in the same spot, when he came out of work and got in the car, his stuff was all there in bin bags. Best fucking day of my life!!

RapunzelHadExtensions · 10/09/2025 03:39

When my 6 year old stepson, his son, disclosed to me he was being sexually abused at night by his other son, 10, and he and his first ExW did nothing, not even moving them into separate bedrooms because 'we don't know who's telling the truth'. I'd even secretly recorded the disclosure on my phone. Was working as a child protection police officer at the time.
He'd disclosed to me because I'd walked in on something not sitting right when they were on the sofa, so he was also doubting me.
I knew I could never have a child with him then. I knew he and his awful ExW would do whatever it took for an easy life.

So I left. But not before reporting to school and social services. That didn't go down well.

I think about that lad every day and I miss them all.

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

CuriousKiteFlyer · 10/09/2025 02:59

Harrriet · 09/09/2025 23:49

My mum died and he didn't say anything.

Same for me.

Bookworm2020 · 10/09/2025 02:46

When he was going absolutely mad at me over something minor again and our ds who was 4 didn’t bat an eye at it. I realised it was not okay for my son to be okay in the presence of that type of behaviour and got out a few weeks later. So much happier now I have 2 more dc, a lovely dh and a calm and peaceful home