to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

I was taking care of younger siblings by the time I was 11. Your two older kids should be expected to watch their younger siblings while you popped to the shop with the youngest.

It’s just ticking all the right boxes isn't it?

5 kids, but not just 5 kids - they all are boys
a husband who 'works long hours' and 'never answers calls'
mil who lives 10 mins away but will only help her daughter
16 year old who is moody and vapes

I was thinking the same thing. I also think five kid is far too many to expect anyone else to look after.

Where are your parents in all this?

The oldest three you dont really need help with it’s just the youngest two. You should definitely be relying on the oldest two to get last minute shopping items for you etc. I think you should focus on getting them to step up immediately rather than asking your MIL at short notice to do stuff.

You had too many kids and that’s your own fault. And abortion or sterilization was always an option

and everyone saying that the husband needs to work less. LOL in this economy and with that gaggle of children?? Of course he has to work long hours.

No one has to step up. Only the parents are obligated to do that. Help from grandparents is a welcome bonus if it happens.

its your fault you ran out of nappies. Your Mil Has no responsibility to help you. You chose to have 5 DC

Nappies, milk etc are essential when you have a baby, that’s something you need to look at being more organised with - you must have been aware you were running low before school pick up today when you only had 1 DC with you.

Given your MIL clearly isn’t interested in helping stop asking. Do you ever invite her over for pleasure? I would feel annoyed of if I got settled at home then asked to come babysit because my DS/DIL were unorganised and 16 year old DGC refused to mind the little ones for 15min. As an aside 15 month olds never got the option to ‘refuse’ going in a buggy here.

@OneGreatSheep she doesn’t have to help but ofcourse it would be nice if she did.

I struggle with one child so God knows how you are managing with 5.

Your husband needs to stop working late, It’s so unfair on you.

I would bulk buy nappies and get everything else delivered, you simply cannot juggle it all xx

I can't believe you didn't send the 16yo out for nappies. Or left him in babysitting. If you currently pay for his phone, gym, pocket money for Vapes(!) Then you need to stop until he helps out more. Ditto 13yo should be doing chores.

That's simply untrue. Grandparents that don't want to help out with 4 or 5 grandchildren aren't going to suddenly become helpful because their DC has twins! Some grandparents just aren't interested or aren't physically well enough to help.

Twins are different. The level of help needed means everyone has to step up.

Yabu. Your choice to have children and 5 is an awful lot but your choice. I had one and my parents have never helped and I never expected them too. They got their own life.

assuming your DH was happy to have such a large family, he seems to have opted out of the hard work of caring for them all

I disagree, all people living in the house should be helping out according to their abilities. I would certainly first ask my DS to nip to shops, put a load of laundry on or run the hoover around than calling my MIL to come over to do that.

Mils can't do right for doing wrong can they? You didn't always have 5 chidren so how was she then?Talk to her,tell her how you feel.

Something has gone wrong if a parent cannot leave the house without a sixteen and thirteen year old/ send the sixteen year old to the shop, providing they are not SN.

And if they are SN, why go on to have three more?

I thought the rule with having a lot of children was to "make sure that the oldest one can carry the youngest".

dh never answers his phone when hes “working late” so its always on me.

If your DH can't be arsed to look after his own kids, I don't see why MIL should.

It seems the eldest wants to be a too too creators is never off his phone and doesn't do his homework in addition to the vaping. I can see why the MiL doesn't want to deal with the results of the OP's parenting.

She had been watching her daughter's kids. She was too tired to watch yours.

Frankly, you're expecting a lot of anyone to watch 3 and you're entitled to expect your mil to do it so you can go get diapers.

Organize your household. Your husband needs to be in this too.

She helps out with her other grandchildren because she’s spending time with her own daughter at the same time. It’s part of the relationship they have as a mother and daughter. That’s not the same as babysitting last minute.

Just following for the deletion message..

You ALLOW your child to vape at home 🤮🤢

It's hard to say without knowing what she does do with your DC.

However, to put myself in her shoes, I also wouldn't want to go out in the pissing rain "just for nappies" or to mind a grumpy kid, a screaming kid, a kid having a meltdown and a Tiktok-engrossed teen because someone has (seemingly yet again) failed to get enough nappies.

You could have sent one of your teenagers out to get nappies. You could have asked the older two to mind the younger ones for 10 mins while you pop to the shops. You could even have ordered some on Deliveroo.

If your MIL doesn't see your kids and doesn't spend quality time with them then that's sad. And yes, it must be really stressful in your shoes with five kids and it'd be nice if she chose to help out a bit more. But ultimately she owes you nothing and you're being very unreasonable to expect her to help you out.