to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

Instead of spending time with one set regularly, spend a little time with all sets occasionally. Unless there’s some genuine massive disparity e.g. one family a parent has mental health problems.

Yeah it's absolutely awful. You don't need to have the same bond to be a good grandparent. Wonder if these are the same people who complain about the MIL bashing threads.

I think you sound frazzled and like you were drowning in that situation today and just desperately needed someone to step in for 2 seconds. I only have two young kids but I totally get it. You can only base your judgement on how you think you’ll be as a MIL and I’d like to think if I received that call I’d be straight there to help, having had young kids myself. I knew my husband was coming home at 5.15pm tonight and at 5.05pm was staring at the clock in despair. It’s hard and I’ve been there with posting on here just looking for a tiny bit of support and it just makes you feel 10 times worse because the ‘MIL’s should do nothing’ brigade arrive

It makes no sense. Why would she not want to help her own son and his children because he married ‘some woman’ when presumably her daughter has married ‘some man.’

Do you tend to ask ad hoc or at the time you need like today? I know my own DM will help any of us but she would be flustered if she got a phone call asking for her to come now but be absolutely fine if I pre arranged childcare. It could simply be that she likes to have plans and doesn’t deal well having it sprung on her as with a lot of older people which may also explain why it’s ok with SIL if for example,
she goes there every Tuesday afternoon it’s in her diary

Also, Its not exclusively a MIL issue. my mother did a massive amount for my brother’s 3 kids, & spent loads of money on both my 2 brother’s families.
She did not babysit once for me, & did not help financially.

I get the frustration. I live within walking distance of my mom's house and I can count on one hand how many times she's had my 3 boys, and never all of them together. My MIL has never had them. It's hard. Both of them help out their other children a shit ton more. It hurts my feelings.

Her son doesn't appear to need any help. He has happily checked out.

so you think it’s ok for mil to help her dd when she’s not coping but not help her son? Why?

Because if you only invest in your daughter’s children and not in your son’s children then you have to expect your son to be upset.

You had so many other options that I am struggling to understand why you decided to call your mother in law in that situation? Why did you think dragging all of your children out was necessary? One of the best things about having older kids is that you can send them off to the shops! I think you were actually quite disrespectful to expect MIL to drop everything to come over because you didn't have enough nappies in.

It comes across that you have had more children than you can cope with, why is that? If it is because you wanted a DD, then you have put a hypothetical daughter before your existing sons who need you. If that is the case you have no right to be salty at MIL for favouring her DD.

So you think it’s not strange to help your daughter but not your son?

I am always a bit baffled by this 'equal' treatment. Surely if this grandmother is watching 2 children on a regular basis she is doing enough? She has a minimum of 7 grandchildren. How can she make it 'equal' without completely wearing herself out?

What is the problem with your husband?

Lots of quotation marks

If you keep running out of nappies then you need to start a fail safe!

Now you’ve got more nappies pop 3-5 away in a drawer - once you have to use the first of those go straight out and get more and you won’t run out again!

I'd have gone and got the nappies for you.

I know it's hard, but can you get better organised with deliveries?

Harsh words coming up and I may easily be way off the mark, as I am basing it on the understandably limited info in your posts…

Perhaps MIL prefers helping hour SIL, because she is judging yours and your DH’s parenting?
Maybe she thinks if you both can’t get your acts together and the two older ones not pitching in (age appropriately) then why should she have a torrid time helping out?
Perhaps SIL’s house is calmer and nicer/easier place to be around?

no

if DH isnt helping then OP has a herself to blame, surely after kid number 1 OP shouldve realised DH isnt pulling his weight

shouldnt moan after number 5 and expect in law to step up

He could've popped to the shop though .

I agree!

why is OP shaming MIL when it was her choice to have 5 bloody kids!

Sorry @OneGreatSheep but there is no way I would accept vaping and Xbox as an excuse from my 16yo and 13yo for not helping out.

I think your MIL was right to decline in a situation where there two others in the house that should be capable of minding the younger ones, including the baby.

Right. I haven't seen anyone hammering or shaming OP at all, just pointing out that having 5 kids is a pretty deliberate choice. Surely by child number 3 OP had realised the work involved and realised her husband was not stepping up? She chose to keep going, so now she gets to keep going.

She should definitely be parenting the older kids in such a way that they are capable of helping out and insisting that her DH helps more though.

To be honest, I think it's kind of nice having a big family, and often wish I had more than the 2 (lovely young adults now) that I had. But I had no childcare or family nearby so just had two as that was the number we could cope with.

How difficult would it have been for her to get you some nappies or sit with the kids whilst you did?

How dfficult would it have been for DS1 or DS2 to do either of those things? Why should MiL have to pick up the slack for a couple of idle teenage boys (who will no doubt grow up to be idle men whose wives will be complaining on MN in 10-15 yrs).