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AIBU?

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Original poster

Insecure women force men to lie

210 replies

Harrypitty · 09/09/2025 14:06

My girlfriend is very insecure, I love her and support her in this the best I can. For info I have no history of cheating/lieing etc

however it’s really hard to tell the truth to an insecure woman as they ask what I consider to be stupid questions they don’t really want the answer to and will only fuel their insecurity.

I have dozens of examples but heres the latest.

my ex-wife ( of 5 years who I rarely speak to but am on reasonable good terms with, Who also lives with my grown up children), asks to borrow some party decorations I have in my loft.
I don’t have an issue with this but if I mention it to my girlfriend all hell will break loose. If I say no then my kids will call up saying I’m being selfish as it’s their party too etc.
so now I have to lie to my girlfriend and sneak the box’s over there when she’s not around.

now you may say” just tell her”, I can assure you beyond any doubt that this will cause a massive row where I will be accused of 1/ loving her more then me, 2/always (!) doing things for her 3/ will probably shag her when I’m there. Etc etc

i guess this the curse of having an insecure girlfriend (who I’ve finally convinced into counselling).

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

being insecure and controlling will only manifests your own fears and your partner will be forced (by you) to sneak around for fear of hurting you.

for purpose of debate if you think I should tell her vote “you are being unreasonable”.

OP posts:
MindytheWonderHorse · 09/09/2025 14:16

The issue here is your relationship with your girlfriend, not women in general. Lies breed distrust- it’s a vicious circle. Stop lying and you might have a chance of building a decent relationship. Or leave, up to you.

OdeToTheNorthWestWind · 09/09/2025 14:15

Has it occurred to you to wonder how your DP became insecure? Maybe she has trusted people previously and found they were lying to her.

QueenClinomania · 09/09/2025 14:14

Men who want to lie will find a way to blame the women for it.

Lafufufu · 09/09/2025 14:13

Do her (and yourself) a favour and break up
....

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/09/2025 14:13

No-one forces anyone to do anything. This is akin to saying - don't be annoying and he won't hit you!

Tell the truth and if you don't like the behaviour that ensues, leave her.

Rubyredshoes12 · 09/09/2025 14:13

I think you need to do the right thing and break up. The relationship isn’t working. Feeling on egg shells and feeling like you can’t be honest or all hell breaks loose isn’t a good place to be.

Asking you silly questions then sulking and getting the hump when you are truthful is not good for either of you.

I think you need to break up, don’t stoop to lying just to keep the peace. Break up. Or you’re just as bad imo!

smallpinecone · 09/09/2025 14:12

But you’re making the choice to lie about it.

Lend her the decorations if you want to. Bit strange she doesn’t have her own, but okay.

But sneaking them out to avoid an argument is just silly.

RedNine · 09/09/2025 14:12

You consider the questions you are asked by your girlfriend to be <checks notes> 'stupid' yet here you are, asking stupid questions. Get away with you.

YellowRoom · 09/09/2025 14:10

Thanks for coming here to tell all women how to behave rather than dealing with the problems in your own relationship. If it's not working, break up.

TearsRunDownMyThighs · 09/09/2025 14:09

Lying is never the answer.

but she sounds controlling and I think you should leave her.

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