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AIBU?

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Original poster

Insecure women force men to lie

210 replies

Harrypitty · 09/09/2025 14:06

My girlfriend is very insecure, I love her and support her in this the best I can. For info I have no history of cheating/lieing etc

however it’s really hard to tell the truth to an insecure woman as they ask what I consider to be stupid questions they don’t really want the answer to and will only fuel their insecurity.

I have dozens of examples but heres the latest.

my ex-wife ( of 5 years who I rarely speak to but am on reasonable good terms with, Who also lives with my grown up children), asks to borrow some party decorations I have in my loft.
I don’t have an issue with this but if I mention it to my girlfriend all hell will break loose. If I say no then my kids will call up saying I’m being selfish as it’s their party too etc.
so now I have to lie to my girlfriend and sneak the box’s over there when she’s not around.

now you may say” just tell her”, I can assure you beyond any doubt that this will cause a massive row where I will be accused of 1/ loving her more then me, 2/always (!) doing things for her 3/ will probably shag her when I’m there. Etc etc

i guess this the curse of having an insecure girlfriend (who I’ve finally convinced into counselling).

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

being insecure and controlling will only manifests your own fears and your partner will be forced (by you) to sneak around for fear of hurting you.

for purpose of debate if you think I should tell her vote “you are being unreasonable”.

OP posts:
holyhol · 09/09/2025 14:54

I wonder how else his girlfriend forces him to behave?

AmoozzBoosh · 09/09/2025 14:54

She's not forcing you to do anything. Take ownership of your actions for goodness sake.

Lying is your choice, your decision and it's on you - not her.

PennySweeet · 09/09/2025 14:53

Your poor choice of girlfriend and lack of balls is what’s making you lie.

Tell her the truth and if she kicks off, dump her like you should’ve done a long time ago.

5128gap · 09/09/2025 14:50

Your partner doesn't make you lie. You lie because you lack the courage to tell her the truth. Whenever there's a potential source of conflict in a relationship you have three choices, comply, defy or lie. You are choosing the third from laziness and cowardice because it enables you to stay on the right side of both women. Find you spine and either tell your ex no, your partner wouldn't like it, or tell your partner you're going to do it and deal with the consequences. If she's so insecure the consequences are severe, then you should probably end the relationship.

Instructions · 09/09/2025 14:49

No one is forcing you to lie. You choose to remain in a relationship with this person: why not just leave?

JustMyView13 · 09/09/2025 14:49

I’ve said YABU because this current GF isn’t for you. If you can’t be trusted (whether or not that’s justified), find someone who will trust you. But also, do not allow this current GF to be an excuse not to show up for your children. You’re a package. She takes & accepts it, or leaves it.
I guarantee when she finds out you’ve lied, it will only fuel her insecurity because - if there was nothing to lie about, you’d lie about nothing. Which is a reasonable position to take.
Her behaviour more generally, sounds unreasonable - taking what you’ve said at face value.

BigBirdOfPrey · 09/09/2025 14:48

Harrypitty · 09/09/2025 14:42

Just for clarification I have never lied in my 18 month relationship and had to put on a hard hat every time.

I am now contemplating this as a true first but it’s very draining when you can’t be open and honest in a relationship without constantly being belittled, shouted at and unjustly accused of things that arn’t true.

That relationship sounds like awful hard work 🙄

Hoppinggreen · 09/09/2025 14:48

Harrypitty · 09/09/2025 14:42

Just for clarification I have never lied in my 18 month relationship and had to put on a hard hat every time.

I am now contemplating this as a true first but it’s very draining when you can’t be open and honest in a relationship without constantly being belittled, shouted at and unjustly accused of things that arn’t true.

so now I have to lie to my girlfriend and sneak the box’s over there when she’s not around.

So did you lie or not?

MyMilchick · 09/09/2025 14:47

Harrypitty · 09/09/2025 14:42

Just for clarification I have never lied in my 18 month relationship and had to put on a hard hat every time.

I am now contemplating this as a true first but it’s very draining when you can’t be open and honest in a relationship without constantly being belittled, shouted at and unjustly accused of things that arn’t true.

So why are you with her at all? Being with someone like that isn't gender specific fyi and if you feel you have to lie than you shouldn't be with her at all

BigBirdOfPrey · 09/09/2025 14:46

if she finds out you brought them over & didn’t mention it, you make her worse!
It always comes out.

Rubyredshoes12 · 09/09/2025 14:45

Harrypitty · 09/09/2025 14:42

Just for clarification I have never lied in my 18 month relationship and had to put on a hard hat every time.

I am now contemplating this as a true first but it’s very draining when you can’t be open and honest in a relationship without constantly being belittled, shouted at and unjustly accused of things that arn’t true.

The thing is once you start lying, it just makes you out the bad guy. You then make your girlfriends behaviour worse, as she will remember her boyfriend at the time lying to her which is only going to make her insecurities worse.

If you care for her, the kindest thing you can do for her is leave.

To be honest, it’s really not nice for you to be in a relationship where you feel on egg shells and are constantly accused of things you didn’t do.

It is better to leave.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/09/2025 14:44

If you are being shouted at, belittled, and unjustly accused, I stick to my point above about breaking up with this person. Insecurity aside, behaviour like that is not acceptable.

TheNeighboursComplain · 09/09/2025 14:44

TheSixthBestOption · 09/09/2025 14:17

This is such a male post. You have a problem in your relationship so you come onto a women's forum and berate all women for your own decision to lie and deceive.

This.

Stop lying to her. It's really not that hard.

Original poster
Harrypitty · 09/09/2025 14:42

Just for clarification I have never lied in my 18 month relationship and had to put on a hard hat every time.

I am now contemplating this as a true first but it’s very draining when you can’t be open and honest in a relationship without constantly being belittled, shouted at and unjustly accused of things that arn’t true.

OP posts:
Dailyncwympo · 09/09/2025 14:42

No one asked for your advice

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/09/2025 14:41

Oh come on mate. No one is forcing you to lie. You are choosing to do so for an easier life. That’s fine, but own it, don’t blame your GF. FWIW I’d break up with someone so insecure. Life’s too short.

KitchiBidziilViho · 09/09/2025 14:40

Hoppinggreen · 09/09/2025 14:39

How about you sort your own relationship out rather than come on here to lecture us?

I know, the nerve of him, in a crappy relationship with no trust, coming to tell us lovely ladies how to relationship properly is equally as hilarious as it is depressing.

Hoppinggreen · 09/09/2025 14:39

How about you sort your own relationship out rather than come on here to lecture us?

Dweetfidilove · 09/09/2025 14:37

Cowardly men maintain relationships that require them to lie to their insecure partners.

Tell her she can sort out her insecurities or you leave.

Different people have different boundaries, but you're free to say -'no, that doesn't work for me'.

KnitKnitKnitting · 09/09/2025 14:37

Thank goodness A Man is here to tell us what to do.

My advice to Men is: stop shagging around, that way women can stop being insecure.

Septemberisthenewyear · 09/09/2025 14:36

Like I tell my children, your behaviour is your choice.

KitchiBidziilViho · 09/09/2025 14:36

Yay, a man telling us what to do after repeatedly lying to his girlfriend and then wondering why she's insecure.

How refreshing.

Mischance · 09/09/2025 14:34

I am glad that your partner is addressing her insecurity problems.

Could you tell her that you have been asked for these, and that your children are also keen to have them and say that you would like to say yes to this. Invite her to deliver them or look at another way of doing so if she struggles with trust at the moment.

I am assuming that there is nothing in your relationship with her that makes her lack of trust reasonable.

I hope she will be able to deal with her problems because this is not a good basis for a relationship. That degree of insecurity causes controlling behaviour and massive stress. Sorting the decorations is a short term thing - hopefully something can be done about the long term.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/09/2025 14:33

Your girlfriend is overly controlling and paranoid. Break up with her.

menopausalfart · 09/09/2025 14:33

When men are insecure, an argument is the least she has to worry about.

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