Insecure women force men to lie

You’re right she doesn’t trust you. She right not to trust you as you have just open admitted you lie to her regularly. If you think she doesn’t know you lie I can assure you she does. Stop lying and work on your trust issues then you will be able to tell her the truth without her feeling insecure.

That’s a bit rich given that this is supposed to be a forum for questions and advice. OP is hardly telling women how to behave.

@Harrypitty

You should end it with her.

She will be better off without you.

Oh for goodness sake. Clearly if you feel like this the relationship isn't right for either of you. Frankly it sounds awful.

Leave her rather than lie to her. You aren't the Knight in shining armour fixing her you'll make it worse. Persuading her to have counselling but then considering lying to her?

FWIW, my close relative lies to his spouse to avoid a row or scene and it means I don't trust him anymore, and he's tangled other people OP in it too. It's shitty and sneakyit's not on her, it's his choices. A shit relationship isn't going to improved by lies.

She's not forcing you to lie. You have an alternative, you could leave her.

Why haven't you?

I realise that you would like to blame all of womankind for your problems, but the actual issue is that your relationship is shite. Perhaps she's so amazing otherwise that it's worth living like this. Only you can decide. But it's between you. Leave the rest of us out of it. We don't care what you do with your decorations, your ex or your girlfriend.

Thanks this is such a helpful post. Mansplaining allays any insecurities us 'lovely women' might have.

Well she sounds abusive and controlling. I don't think this is an all women issue. This is a specific issue relating to your girlfriend. If you have to lie about bringing party decorations over to your kids because you fear her reaction then you are not in a good relationship.

My husband had an ex like this. He couldn't even mention a previous girlfriend in any context as she went ballistic. She took a knife to him at one point. He is 100% the loyal faithful type. I'd leave if I were you as it won't get any better.

Extreme jealousy is something I’ve seen equally in men and women so I doubt you are bringing much enlightenment to any of us. You have to decide whether the relationship is worth the trouble and call it a day. It’s a waste of time changing your behaviour in a futile attempt to manage the jealousy.

As for therapy, there are some very good approaches but it needs to be her decision to seek help based on her taking responsibility for her own behaviour. That’s probably best done on her own and not with someone sneaking about trying to manage her emotions in a counterproductive way. Better off calling it off and telling her why.

Don’t you see you’re being controlled by her though? She’s manipulating you. Because she’s a woman she’s called insecure. If this was flipped and you were acting jealous you’d be called controlling and dividing her from her kids. Wake up and smell the toxicity. You’re dancing to her tune.

Come on now, don't lecture us because you've got a shit girlfriend

Tell the truth and if you don't like the behaviour that ensues, leave her.

This.

Lying is just a mental strain - and likely to make trust issues worse.

Best in life to assume stuff will eventually come out so be upfront and if people then behave badly have less to do with them.

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

It's nothing to do with women being insecure but totally down to a lot of men being manipulative, lying tossers. Are you manipulative or a liar OP? 🤔

Op no one is forcing you to lie. No one is powerful enough to make you lie. You need to ask yourself why you feel it’s okay to lie in this situation. You appear to want to avoid the wrath of your ex, your kids and your girlfriend.

Are you confortable with confrontation?

If your girlfriend finds out you lied then how will that help her and your relationship (surely it will mean she trusts you less).

You need to decide if you don’t like confrontation - so you would prefer to lie. Or maybe it’s not the relationship for you if you feel you are choosing to betray your true values (honesty).

Personally I would sit down with her. Explain what is going on in your head and say this needs resolving. If it cannot be resolved then move on. Don’t betray your values. Your values are presumably important to you - you need to be happy with who you are.

When I read your op I thought the title should be either

Insecure girlfriend is forcing me to avoid confrontation?

or

Insecure girlfriend is so powerful she can make her honest boyfriend tell lies.

Its nonsense, she can’t make you do anything - but she may not be the lady for you.

Sorry to hear that. Must be quite hard to read this thread...

Ah, so maybe what you meant to post was:

Don't be like me. I'm in a terrible relationship where my partner belittles me, shouts at me and falsely accuses me of things but instead of laying down boundaries or breaking up with her I thought I would come onto a women's forum and tell you all how you should behave in a relationship and accuse women in general of forcing men to lie and deceive.

Another bore... 🥱🤣

You don't like women very much do you OP?

Maybe if you didn't lie about small things your girlfriend would trust you.

Leave her. The relationship is toxic.

You've already taken the first step which it to be aware of the kind of woman you are with. You definitely should tell her how you feel, just as you should never have to sneak around or lie to keep her from having a meltdown. Constantly putting her emotional needs over your own or worrying about how she will react to something is toxic and unfair to you.

My mother is a deeply controlling and insecure person, and my father has lied, denied, defended, snuck around, bent over backwards to please her, and not spoken the name of his only son for decades because my brother didn't live up to my mother's standards and was disowned. My father then started expecting me and my husband to lie and deny and do all the things he has to do to keep my mother calm and content and in control because it makes his life easier.

The result? All of their children cut ties with them. My father lost all his children and grandchildren due to his inability to stand up to his wife. And the longer he enabled her, the worse she got.

I won't tell you what to do, but you might want to think about ending things now.

Username says it all

It is not the insecurity bit affecting your relationship is the controlling aspect.
I would leave her and you know why? Because you will never make it right with someone like that.
If you tell the true, you don't love her, boundaries yada, yada yada. If you hide it, you are not to trust, you are controlling, you still love her, yada yada yada. If you openly lie, you are a lier, I can't trust you etc etc etc.
Good luck

Tell her, she needs to deal with it, if she wants to start an argument just walk away from it and don’t get involved…..not only does she sound ridiculously insecure and jealous, she sounds like a controlling bully…..she is trying to control you with her temper, why do you stay?

You can't be in a relationship AT ALL when "constantly being belittled, shouted at and unjustly accused of things that arn’t true."

Leave.