Insecure women force men to lie

It does seem very sad that she is potentially driving a wedge between you and your adult children…….why not simply arrange for one of them to drop by and borrow the party decorations?
I'm afraid your GF does need to stop being quite so controlling OP and you need to stop wrapping her up in psychological cotton wool. Isn’t it enough that you are a couple, you’re together, outside influences will only mar this if you each allow them to.

Are you the gf?

No, you have to leave her. Her insecurity is her problem to solve.

Surely if you know it upsets your gf just say ‘no’ to borrowing the decorations? Why do you care more about appeasing your ex wife than making your current gf feel secure in the relationship?

My husband's best friend lived with a very jealous, insecure woman for a while and while he tried his very very best to give her the reassurance she needed and never gave her any reason not to trust him, in the end he found the walking on eggshells and the lies of omission too much. Like you, he probably wouldn't tell her if he was lending the mother of his children something that his children would benefit from, because it would cause days of tears and arguments that bore no relation to the 5 minutes it would take to drop them off.

My husband's friend was his best man and so she came to our wedding and spent the whole evening crying in the toilets and arguing with him, because she thought another wedding guest fancied him. Whether they did or didn't, he didn't even speak to that guest, she was on a different table during the meal and he was a very dutiful best man before, during and after the ceremony and dinner had taken place - he just wasn't flirting with guests.

He booked a holiday with my husband, and she booked a break on the adjacent island the same week, so they could meet up (she could spy on him).

He wasn't allowed to go on nights out without her, and if he did, she'd make it so miserable before, during and after, sulking and crying and messaging him, that he stopped wanting to go.

His girlfriend had therapy, she understood her behaviour wasn't acceptable, but she couldn't stop, and he was exhausted with the constant cycle of days of shouting and sulking followed by her apologies. He ended the relationship even though he loved her to bits.

So I don't think YABU to lie, but I do think YABU to post about it here - it's not us with the psychotic jealousy - and in all honesty, I'd fast forward to the ending the relationship part, because she's very controlling, and isn't even in control of that controlling behaviour.

I wonder why she feels insecure ...

Is this a joke?

Oh he doesn't need advice, he just wants to let us know that all of us are causing the problem in his ill-advised relationship, with our insecurities and low self-esteem. I, for one, will be sorting myself out immediately and hope that this contributes to his future happiness with his girlfriend.

OP, you clearly have no boundaries and don't know how to say no. A lot of women can relate to this.

However, this is your problem to solve. If you can't learn to say no, you need to get therapy. If a relationship doesn't work for you, you need to end it. Is the behavior of some of the people in your life unreasonable? Possibly. But you going along with it is your own responsibility. You don't control other people's behavior, but they don't control yours either.

You need to start to take accountability for your life and the people you allow in it, not blame one half of the human race for your lack of a back bone.

I don’t think this issue is as gendered as you have described. The problem is that your partner is an insecure person. She doesn’t sound well suited to be in a relationship with someone with kids from a previous relationship. At least they’re adults so hopefully the impact on them is minimal.

No one is forcing you to lie - you're doing it to avoid a difficult situation, either from your girlfriend or your children.

You make your choice and deal with the outcome. Own it. That might involve emotion from either side, or a break up with your girlfriend, but either way no one is forcing you to do anything.

Get rid, she sounds ridiculous, then you won't be 'forced' into anything.

FYI there are insecure men too.

Get rid, she sounds ridiculous, then you won't be 'forced' into anything.

FYI there are insecure men too.

A) what an odd thing to post on a site mainly used by women
B) that's not how a relationship should be, time to reconsider whether it's worth it

Nope. Nobody "forces" you to lie - you choose to lie. Also, nobody forces you to stay with a partner who clearly doesn't trust you - you choose to stay. These are all your choices.

Amen.

Read the room a bit, mate.

If you have been on here for five minutes you will know proclamations from men about how women should behave go down like a bucket of sick.

You might have a point but you lost any moral high ground when you tipped up and told us all what to do.

Flying business class | Mumsnet

Then the issue is the jealousy shown by your current partner.

This will never go away and if you pander to.it, then it will get worse.

Honestly I would just leave.

Just fuck off mate, women don’t want to be schooled by some random on website.

Bless you, women of Mumsnet, for your clearsighted vision and forthrightness.

They hath spake, OP.

Away and sort out your life.

You’re as bad as each other tbh.

She is attempting to control situations through guilt tripping, manipulation and making you feel guilty.
You just show contempt associated with a huge feeling of superiority (she has ‘stupid’ questions etc…) as if you were the only same person in the house.

Both are a put off.

She is insecure, you react with contempt, she is feeling even more insecure.
Youre feeding your own insecurities to each other.

No one wins there.

Which means btw that YABU

You don’t have to lie though.

You have choices. You can either:

1. break up with anyone who is that controlling
2. not do what your gf asks and tell her so
3. do what she wants you to do (not recommended but you can do this)

Lying is only one of your options and I don’t think it is a good one.

You say
Barbara has asked to borrow decs in loft. For their party. Benefits kids so going to get them out n when kids come over they will take them over.

Thank God a man came to tell us where we were going wrong.