Insecure women force men to lie

I think that's good advice for everyone on MN.

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men | Men's Advice Line UK https://share.google/bGjjjAGhOoLO9fjVr share.google/bGjjjAGhOoLO9fjVr]]]]

You will never change her. She needs outside help; without it, the situation will just get worse. I hope you find the strength to help yourself and her.

She sounds ridiculous. I hope you can ditch her and open a space in your life for someone sane. Good luck OP 🌞

You know what you have to do.

Good luck to you and stay safe 🩵

I think youve extrapolated your experience to WOMEN.

I thought you were going to give examples of - do you like my new hair, and you hadnt noticed. Or do you fancy other women, and you say never. Not lying about letting your kids and ExW decorations from the loft!!

She sounds nuts. I wouldnt lie to her, id leave her. She doesnt trust you

A previous lying cheat of a partner will undoubtedly make anyone insecure but I doubt OP's secret messaging of his ex wife will help assuage her fears.

This is the OP who wanted to seat himself up front in Business Class on a trip to Australia while the same partner and her child sat in Standard.

He puts himself first despite the hand wringing in this post.

More than likely it's a previous partner.
When I first met DH (almost 30 years ago), I was insecure and jealous due to a previous bf who had lied and gaslit me. I got over it over the years as DH has never given me cause for concern but I still get flashes of jealousy if I know he is out with female friends.
Similarly I had a jealous, insecure bf because his previous gf had lied and cheated, but I didn't appreciate being accused myself.

What attracted you to each other? Do you like a woman being insecure?

On behalf of every woman who has lived a restricted life to avoid paranoid jealousy or violence from their male partner, open your eyes.

I can’t really imagine carrying out this sort of behaviour. Just went on holiday with dp, his kids and their mother (his ex). We all had a nice time. But then dp is completely straight with me, and we enjoy time apart and doing our own thing. I’ve been in relationships where I have wanted a clingy, needy partner. Are you planning any counselling?

If her behaviour is intolerable when you tell the truth, probably best to say that to her and leave.

Gotta love men on Mumsnet! 🙄

Def possible, given the ludicrous mansplaining. This is not a self-aware man.

No one is 'forcing' men to lie. You are choosing to be in a relationship with a woman you claim is so insecure you have to wear a hard hat 'every time'. Whatever 'every time' means 🤷‍♀️
Have to wonder what is in it for you to stay in a newish relationship where you don't seem to like her that much.

Everyone on here posting like we know for definite that it's not Mr Mansplain's behaviour and messaging his ex that's making his partner insecure in the first place...

And does she bring anything positive to your life.

He’s a child. An accountability dodging child.

I remember that post. He sounds God awful.

Oh you're gettin' roasted mate.

To be serious though, this is what I'd say to any OP, male or female about this.

Nobody should be in a position where they have to lie about something this small. You know what's going to happen. You sneak out the party stuff like a bloody cat burglar in your own home. GF finds out (she will somewhere down the line). Now you're the lying scheming twat she can't trust. If you weren't on egg shells before that you will be.

It won't ever change. She'll never be ok with the party decorations, the awkward 'hello' when you bump into ExW in Asda, when she finds out (shock, horror) that ExW will also be at your joint children's weddings etc on and on.

She hates the fact that you had a whole life with someone else. The attention she gets from you prancing about trying to reassure her or calm her worries or whatever, keeps you focused on her.

At best it's a relationship killer at worst it's abusive and controlling. The former will end your relationship. The latter should end it.

Rules of misogyny. Right there fella, number 1.

1. Women are responsible for what men do.

1. Women saying no to men is a hate crime.

1. Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.

1. Women’s opinions are violence against men, thus male violence against women is justified.

1. Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.

1. Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breastfeeding babies deserve punishment.

1. Women should always be grateful to men for everything.

1. Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.

1. Men always know the “real reasons” for everything women do and say.

10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.

11. Whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men.

12. Women’s ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry.

13. Angry women are crazy. Angry men have trouble expressing themselves.

14. Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent.

15. Men are the default human. Women are strange subhuman others.

16. Everyone owns and controls women’s bodies except the women themselves.

Have you ever considered who’s made her so insecure in for first place ? I’m guessing a man !

Insecure partnerships, not exclusive to women.
I was in a shit controlling jealous relationship years ago, it was easier to lie sometimes, save the dramatic 1000 questions.

You need to leave her. The situation is intolerable!

OP why are you with her? The way you write about her suggests you have contempt for her. Why would you be with someone you don't respect? It sounds like she needs time to work through her issues. Is she much younger than you?

Tell the truth and deal with the consequences.
it’s better than dealing with the consequences of a lie that you actively chose to utter because you were afraid of an uncomfortable situation.