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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what you think of a proposal after 1.5 years aged 35+?

114 replies

Evilwasp2 · 09/09/2025 13:04

Let's assume you're that age or over, recently moved in together, would an engagement at that time be obscene if you're both ready?
I don't get when people say 'Oh you first need to see how they act in a difficult situation/in an argument'.
These things can come after years and people can change, hence people divorcing.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/09/2025 13:17

Depends how long people have lived together. As people are on their best behaviour for the first 6-12 months and then they often change and show their bad habits. And bad habits that exist, seem worse after the honeymoon period is over. Some things like leaving toilet seat up are minor. But other 'flaws' that might develop, like being happy to sit gaming all night while your partner does all the housework, never clearing up after yourself etc etc can actually easily lead to resentment, and a split over time.

BlueShiney · 09/09/2025 13:16

Fine. All fine, fine fine and fine

MumoftwoNC · 09/09/2025 13:15

Evilwasp2 · 09/09/2025 13:11

Why do you need to see all the flaws? What if you just love them how they are?

Show quote history

Because the flaws might end up making you miserable. It might transpire that he has sexist views about housework, or is controlling of your friendships, or has funny ideas about money, etc etc.

A bad man can mask that stuff for 1.5y but maybe not 3y

Framesite · 09/09/2025 13:15

I'm not convinced about the need to live together forst either TBH. IME the marriages where people have had a long cohabitation often end quickly, possibly because the wedding was a sticking plaster for a failing relationship.

My parents married after 6 months and are now their 56th year.

I was engaged after 9 months, never lived together beforehand and together and married 33 years.

Boscoforever · 09/09/2025 13:14

The thing is, by 35yo you have probably had a few relationships and know what you want/don't want in a partner. you also know where you are regarding houseing/schools/kids/future plans. So if your partner is on the same page, go for it! Totally normal at that age.

mamagogo1 · 09/09/2025 13:13

Depends if you are ready. I knew after a few weeks that dh and I were permanently together but we didn’t marry for quite a while (stuff like covid and me getting round to actually doing my divorce paperwork!)

MumoftwoNC · 09/09/2025 13:13

How well do they know each other? Friends before dating, or met online? Have they met each other's families and friends, and got to know them? Do their families know each other?

I think it's quite a short time tbh unless they knew each other beforehand. But I guess if you meet in your 30s you don't have as much time if you want to have kids etc after marriage

Original poster
Evilwasp2 · 09/09/2025 13:12

See i don't get this 'you need to see all their flaws' nobody is perfect, why can't someone just be loved and not constantly evaluated on a bloody scale

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 09/09/2025 13:12

Perfectly reasonable especially at that age. I feel that by that age you're more likely to know your own mind and be aware of what compromises you're willing to make. You're not likely to change drastically as people (without some other outside influence that you can't predict).

So yeah, I'd say it feels perfectly reasonable.

Lafufufu · 09/09/2025 13:12

Fine. I was engaged around then.. maybe more like 2 yr mark
Married at 3 yrs
I'd want to cohabit premarriage though

Framesite · 09/09/2025 13:11

I think if you don't know after 1.5 years you're probably not right together and/or one of you is employing avoidance tactics.

Original poster
Evilwasp2 · 09/09/2025 13:11

AzureCats · 09/09/2025 13:10

How long have they lived together? I would say less than 3-6 months is not enough time to see all the flaws of the person.
Otherwise a 1.5 year relationship plus an engagement of another year in within the realms of normal for that age group.

Why do you need to see all the flaws? What if you just love them how they are?

OP posts:
AzureCats · 09/09/2025 13:10

How long have they lived together? I would say less than 3-6 months is not enough time to see all the flaws of the person.
Otherwise a 1.5 year relationship plus an engagement of another year in within the realms of normal for that age group.

Lmnop22 · 09/09/2025 13:08

No. Perfectly normal at that age! You’re pretty settled by then and know if it works