To ask what you think of a proposal after 1.5 years aged 35+?

As long as the couple have discussed marriage first and it’s something they both want and are ready for then there doesn’t need to be a time frame. A surprise proposal or expecting it without the chat will never work. Also before moving in it’s something that both parties should be in agreeement on.

as for flaws and behaviour in certain situations then as you say it can be years before you see it. Me personally I would be happy to marry without it but would be keen to know how they handle conflict.

Depending on their "flaws".

It's an odd one, what you might see as a flaw another may just shrug their shoulders and not be bothered by it.

Edit...

Could also be an age thing too...
What maybe bothered me years ago doesnt/wouldn't necessarily bother me now.

Together 7 years before we got engaged.
Bought a property together.
Married a year later, 8 years into the relationship.

Just had our 37th wedding anniversary.

DH and I were engaged after 1 year and 12 days exactly. We were both 33 and weren't living together at the time of our engagement.

We set the date for 21 months after the engagement so had been together for just shy of 3 years when we were married. Moved in together 7 months before the wedding.

Still together 14 years and a baby later.

Because their flaws might be fucking massive.

Are you sure they are in their 30s?

If they live together for me that is the acid test

and no children are involved on either side (that needs time and care to blend)

otherwise fine DH and I moved in after 10 months engaged 4 months later and married just under 2 years in nearly 20 years ago

It was many years before DH and I argued, and if I’d waited to find out all his flaws I’d have been waiting a hell of a long time! We’re just very compatible and fairly easy going. I didn’t know what he was like to live with pre-marriage, but I could make a pretty good guess based on the fact we had similar upbringings and his flat was very nicely kept.

I didn’t waste time waiting for flaws to show themselves that might never arrive. In any case, it’s impossible to know everything about a person or how they will react to every situation life throws at you.

Because loving them how they are doesn't carry you through the shit you go through together as a married couple. It's all well and good loving someone but if they're a gambling addict, closet alcoholic, get itchy feet routinely after a year, harbour ambition to own an XL bully... Basically any old thing can happen that renders your life not better for being tied to theirs. Look at all of that no the romance

Nothing wrong with that at all. By that age you should know yourselves pretty well. My other half and I met around the age of 31 and got engaged after about 1.5 years and were married before we had been together for 2 years! It's now 10 years later and we are still happily together, with 3 kids. We both knew what we wanted (marriage, kids) and had the same values, so there wasn't any reason to wait.

Hmm I married my ex husband a year and 3 months after meeting and not living together first. The marriage only lasted less that 2 years mainly due to his lack of financial savvyness x and the fact he became a bit controlling when he was seeing me day in , day out and didn't like me leaving him at home to see friends and carry on with my life. ( didn't stop him doing the same btw)

I wouldn’t move in without being sure the relationship was heading to marriage if that’s what I wanted.

Also find the idea of ‘a proposal’ a bit cringe. Surely it’s a discussion and a mutual agreement?

I mean, just do what works for you. I don’t really see why it’s an issue. It’s the 21st century. An engagement is a ring and a vague plan to get married, not a legally binding betrothal that will cause a war between two foreign dukedoms if one of the couple ducks out.

DH lived 100 miles away, we rented an apartment after 9 weeks, together 19 years.

If there are no kids involved then I'd go for it. DH and I were married in that time in our early twenties but the entire risk was on ourselves.

Nobody is perfect yes, but everybody is different which means that we are not all equally suited to every other human we meet.

I’d far rather figure out exactly who it is I’m with before marrying them and vice versa because actually love isn’t always enough if you’re quite simply incompatible or have real clashes and differences.

Fine and normal by the time you are that age.

Because quite often people are assessing who they want to parents their children with, and you have a moral duty to a child to try not to give a child a parent who binge drinks excessively under work stress, gives you the silent treatment over arguments, or cannot deal with any kind of disagreement or being wrong and doesn't want to work on any problems - yes, a partner can turn at any time, but why not make sure you have seen someone stress tested so you can say with relative confidence 'this person isnt horribly abusive to me when the going gets tough'
Or another way to look at it, it's a good idea to research and get a good knowledge about who you are going into business with, and given that marriage is a legal contract that can affect your finances, and divorce is lengthy then it's literally just common sense to try and figure out if the person you are trying yourself to legally isnt going to turn in a monster?

I married after six months ,we have been married for 20 years now.

You need to know the flaws to know whether they are a deal breaker for you. Perfectly possible to love people flaws and all, but some things are impossible for some people to live with. It’s not about evaluation or a scale at all.

I think it's probably ok if you've spent a fair bit of time together in the 1.5 years. Presumably you'll also be engaged for a while too before you actually marry.

DH and I got married VERY young and have grown up together in a way. We didn’t have time to get entrenched on how the house should be kept, budgets managed etc — we figured it out (mostly!) together.

OTOH friends who are our/your age are realising that some people have very fixed ideas (which is their perogative) but aren’t good at communicating or compromise (which can be a problem). Sometimes it’s laughable stuff which makes for a good story, other times it’s a bit more serious / fundamental…

i don’t think you necc need to live together or go through a crisis, but a lot of (honest) chats and what-ifs would probably be helpful?

That sounds completely normal to me.

If you're happy with each other, then why not?
Some couples marry much sooner.
The man you marry, is never the same man you divorce.
People change, he might get better. 😜