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To think promiscuous men should be shamed more?

417 replies

TheJoyOfWriting · 08/09/2025 22:28

This, really. The whole body count discourse is the latest version of slut-shaming, as it's mostly aimed at women. Promiscuous men are still given status by other men and by women, too often.

The body count arguments that people use against women can be used against men just as easily. Promiscuous men are more likely to cheat. They are more likely to have STDs. They are more likely to have contributed to an 'oops' baby- it takes 2 to make one, and more likely to walk away after w no consequences.

Promiscuous men often dump women after pretending to be interested to get sex, esp on datjng apps, which fuel this kind of behaviour. Women tend to find ONSs less satisfying, often partly bc these kind of men often don't care about giving pleasure, just taking it.

The idea that a man's worth is measured by how many women he has sex with is very bad. It encourages men to treat women badly, and it fuels the incel culture by making men feel insecure & unmanly if they're not sexually successful.

Thoughts? I don't mean we should call Promiscuous men horrible names or talk about them like 'run through' or 'high mileage cars' the way some men do about promiscuous women. But I think they should be shamed more, by both men and women.

I don't think casual sex is bad per se, but I think the culture of it has got out of control, and Promiscuous men share a lot of the blame.

OP posts:
NoThanksNeeded · 09/09/2025 15:25

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 14:51

MN isn't the same as real life. Women consistently report regret after casual sex much more than men do, and lower sociosexuality (desire to have uncommitted sex). Are they all lying?

Here's one study.

www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886918300539&ved=2ahUKEwju3tGu6cuPAxXC3AIHHWo8JVIQFnoECDUQAQ&usg=AOvVaw0-Jft0Z0vkLhheDjshUBLf

Any one study is not going to represent all women/real life the same as a sample size of MN users isn't...

CommissarySushi · 09/09/2025 15:25

BauhausOfEliott · 09/09/2025 15:18

A ‘kink’ is just any sexual practice that isn’t entirely conventional and turns someone on. It doesn’t necessarily mean casual sex or BDSM. It can be anything.

How do you imagine someone is going to be harmed by, eg, wearing certain clothes, hearing their partner say certain words during sex, edging each other or getting their partner to wear a cock-ring or whatever?

You have very little experience of life, sex and relationships, by the sound of it. You are basing everything on what you’ve heard or read. It’s all second-hand, it’s all anecdotal. You are very unqualified for the discussion, frankly.

All of this. You don't have a clue.

PennySweeet · 09/09/2025 15:23

Anyone else thinking the OP is really Alan Partridge?

THEY’RE SEX PEOPLE LYNNE!!

🤣🤣

LBOCS2 · 09/09/2025 15:22

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 15:01

Are you the poster into kink? I read that people in that scene were early users of online hookup sites

People saying what you are saying are missing the point. Yes, hookups, Internet, porn etc are not new. What is new is the huge position OLD occupies now. And the scale & nature of porn etc

GenZ didn’t grow up with online dating taking off; it was well established by the point any of you reached adulthood. Even Tinder, which I still think of as being a relatively new dating app, came out when you were 6 years old. Online dating took off in the early 2000s, when older millennials were coming of age. I have friends who used online dating and met and married their partners before you even started secondary school - they have GenZ children who are a result of their parents meeting online.

And, with the best will in the world, you have NO IDEA about the scale of porn available to early adopters of the internet. It wasn’t controlled by government legislation, or all funnelled through major services offering subscriptions and paid for experiences. It was just there, available, and if you could think it up - whether it was legal or not - you could find it. The internet suddenly scaled from a very niche service used in computer labs to being something that almost everyone had, unsupervised, in their homes. There were no parental filters, or age blockers, or ID verifications. Anyone could get online and upload or find anything they wanted - and they did. All of the checks and safeguards and legal restrictions in place happened after the issue was identified, not before. Your entire life’s experience of the online arena has been a very sanitised one.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/09/2025 15:18

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 15:05

Can kink ever be truly safe? Safe, sane and consensual sounds fine, but it is reported to often not stack up to reality.

A ‘kink’ is just any sexual practice that isn’t entirely conventional and turns someone on. It doesn’t necessarily mean casual sex or BDSM. It can be anything.

How do you imagine someone is going to be harmed by, eg, wearing certain clothes, hearing their partner say certain words during sex, edging each other or getting their partner to wear a cock-ring or whatever?

You have very little experience of life, sex and relationships, by the sound of it. You are basing everything on what you’ve heard or read. It’s all second-hand, it’s all anecdotal. You are very unqualified for the discussion, frankly.

PennySweeet · 09/09/2025 15:18

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 14:52

To be clear, I'm not saying people on MN are lying! But it's possible people on MN are more likely to like casual sex- or maybe those who do are more vocal? It doesn't seem to chime w wider studies

It’s easier for women to be vocal on anonymous internet forums due to people like yourself believing they should be shamed.

Or as you put it, you’re ‘not sure if they should be shamed or not’.

With your sort of attitude they’re hardly going to open up to you or people like you.

Booneymil · 09/09/2025 15:17

The men who slut shame are men who cannot get a lot of sex. They are jealous of women who get sex and so try to control those women

I just ignore those men. When i was younger i was more shamed by men not to have a lot of sex.

Now im in my forties i realise that i dont care what those kinda of men think about me anymore. And now i am having the best s3x as i do what i want.

I have had two amazing one night stands in the past week

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 15:13

CommissarySushi · 09/09/2025 15:12

You're clearly ignoring certain posts.

I will answer all tonight, don't worry. 👍

I've replied to several critical posts.

OP posts:
TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 15:12

NoThanksNeeded · 09/09/2025 13:46

There's nothing inherently wrong about violence, dom/sub, humiliation etc in sex so long as its practised under the kink mantra of "safe, sane and consensual"

But you're showing more and more your actual issues

I ask again... have you been raised with a particularly religious view at home?

I think it's v interesting that you think only a young and naive person could disagree w mixing violence, domination, humiliation with sex.

Yes, I am religious, and I'm not ashamed of that. Why should it mean my opinion is automatically discounted?

I'm a pretty liberal Christian (no issue w women priests, gay relationships, single mothers by choice (like my own!).

It doesn't mean that I automatically think casual sex is wrong. I don't think it is if both parties are upfront and everyone is happy etc But how common is that...?

Maybe the best kind of casual sex is FWB arrangements where everyone knows the score and can trust each other based on experience. I've read threads on here from older women who are divorced & have an FWB for various reasons, seems to probs one of the least potentially problematic casu sex situations

OP posts:
CommissarySushi · 09/09/2025 15:12

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 15:02

I have to do some stuff now. I wil reply to everyone later, sorry but I can't fit everyone in now. Most AIBUs only answer some.

You're clearly ignoring certain posts.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/09/2025 15:06

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 15:01

Are you the poster into kink? I read that people in that scene were early users of online hookup sites

People saying what you are saying are missing the point. Yes, hookups, Internet, porn etc are not new. What is new is the huge position OLD occupies now. And the scale & nature of porn etc

If you think the internet is the root of all evils, you might want to consider that this thread is still going to exist in ten years’ time when you will be cringing yourself inside out at how immature and over-confident you sound. Honestly, I’m actually surprised you’re as old as 19.

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 15:05

NoThanksNeeded · 09/09/2025 13:54

And we need to be able to openly talk about kink and sex

So we can teach young people these safe practices

Can kink ever be truly safe? Safe, sane and consensual sounds fine, but it is reported to often not stack up to reality.

OP posts:
TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 15:02

CommissarySushi · 09/09/2025 14:58

Why do you ignore so many posts?

I have to do some stuff now. I wil reply to everyone later, sorry but I can't fit everyone in now. Most AIBUs only answer some.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 09/09/2025 15:02

A lot of what you say makes sense for a teenager. You have been surrounded by other teenagers so you are applying how they think to the whole of society. But boys and girls grow up and their attitudes change. I think when you get older you will realise a lot of your posts aren't that relevant.

WhiskyintheJarr · 09/09/2025 15:02

I’m a millennial. I was like 12 when we got the internet 🫠

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 15:01

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 14:26

I used the internet for hookups before you were born.

just saying.

Are you the poster into kink? I read that people in that scene were early users of online hookup sites

People saying what you are saying are missing the point. Yes, hookups, Internet, porn etc are not new. What is new is the huge position OLD occupies now. And the scale & nature of porn etc

OP posts:
CommissarySushi · 09/09/2025 14:58

Why do you ignore so many posts?

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 14:58

LBOCS2 · 09/09/2025 14:46

Your stance is quite interesting given that it’s generally reported that Gen Z consistently partake in less risky behaviour across the board - including (but not limited to) alcohol consumption, promiscuous sex and drug taking.

In fact, this article (from Feb 2025) cites a poll carried out by YouGov - a well respected polling agency - which appears to show that GenZ are less than a third as likely to have casual sex as Millennials were. Millennials who, as pointed out above, genuinely were the first generation to have online dating, internet hookups, free and easy access to all kinds of porn, social media, etc.

I don’t think that anyone is saying that there aren’t men out there who are telling lies to get their end away, but this is not a new phenomenon - there always have been men prepared to lie to have sex
and Gen Z aren’t new victims of it. Slut shaming anyone isn’t a proportionate response, given that actually, sex isn’t and shouldn’t be inherently shameful and what goes on between consenting partners (including kink) is only their business.

This is a good point. There is clearly negative behaviour going on, and issues more specific to this generation like porn culture & Only fans teaching men they can get gratification anytime they want with no concern for women- not that that's an excuse.

I think this also suggests that a lot of this is manosphere culture which wants to brainwash young men that young women all have an Onlyfans & are very promiscuous. I'd read the stats myself about less hookups & relationships & I know that quite a few people my age are just a bit jaded by the oversexualised aspects of culture, even disliking sex scenes in films sometimes. But I hadn't put 2 & 2 together!

I think the issue is that Gen Z grew up with online dating taking off, and manosphere etc people are capitalising on that to spread ideas that are inaccurate anyway. So they end up stressing about things which don't apply as much to people out age anyway.

Wheras at least Millenials had more of a chance to form their ideas before online dating etc took off so much.

OP posts:
TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 14:52

To be clear, I'm not saying people on MN are lying! But it's possible people on MN are more likely to like casual sex- or maybe those who do are more vocal? It doesn't seem to chime w wider studies

OP posts:
TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 14:51

NoThanksNeeded · 09/09/2025 14:24

You don't "believe" that but there are plenty of experiences on MN which suggest otherwise to your belief

MN isn't the same as real life. Women consistently report regret after casual sex much more than men do, and lower sociosexuality (desire to have uncommitted sex). Are they all lying?

Here's one study.

www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886918300539&ved=2ahUKEwju3tGu6cuPAxXC3AIHHWo8JVIQFnoECDUQAQ&usg=AOvVaw0-Jft0Z0vkLhheDjshUBLf

OP posts:
TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 14:47

ScholesPanda · 09/09/2025 14:12

I know this is very patronising, and I'm going to sound like my mother, but you're 19. I would also say I don't know anything about lesbian relationships.

Most people your age are still in the exploratory phase- they aren't looking for something long-term. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's probably quite healthy to be having a couple ONS at that age- it gives you an idea of what you enjoy, without having to commit long-term.

Wait until you're in your late twenties/early thirties and everyone will be rushing to settle down ime.

What would all this 'shame' achieve in your view? The problem I see with it, is that the flip side of being upset over a man not wanting a ltr after a ONS, is being trapped in a relationship with someone you don't like and all the blackmail that goes with that 'if you leave me no-one else will want you'.

Given the choice I'd prefer a broken heart and move on, rather than being trapped with a man I don't love out of 'shame'.

No, no, this is very reasonable & helpful...I'll do a more detailed reply later, but for now I'll say that definitely nobody should be shamed to marry a ONS etc, whether they'd been lied to about intentions or not. I see what you mean about the dangers of slut-shaming..

On lesbian relationships, I will say that I think casual sex is a bit different here. On average, lesbians have a bit more casual sex than straight women, tho not that much.
Some studies say it's bc they have higher testosterone on average & therefore higher sex drive, others say not. The bottom line is the issues are different: no pregnancy risk, partners are much less likely to try to attack you/act out porn fantasies, and less likely to be able to overpower you if they did, STDs are less likely, people are generally more honest about their intentions. Obvs all those issues are still there (apart from pregnancy) but less likely. Orgasm also more likely bc women are more likely to know what works, or could work. Obvs a generalisation : and also true that women ) can enjoy sex if they don't orgasm, but I'd argue orgasms are more the goal of casual sex.

Studies also show lesbians are less likely to regret casual sex than straight women. Could be bc they enjoy it a bit more on average and are less likely to feel pressured, or could be bc of the other issues I mentioned above. Slut shaming not really an issue either.

So part of me thinks that lesbians might offer a clue as to why straight women enjoy ONSs less. Ir's not the ONS, but other issues like violence risk, lying etc But part of me thinks maybe it's also that lesbians are just a bit more inclined to casual sex due to higher sex drive and so less likely to regret (tho the difference isn' that big)

And how could these issues for straight women be improved? I think it would be nice if those who want to could enjoy casual sex, but the whole thing seems fraught w issues. I do think the male/female dynamic is probs less suited to casual sex, otoh men could choose to behave better...

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 09/09/2025 14:46

Your stance is quite interesting given that it’s generally reported that Gen Z consistently partake in less risky behaviour across the board - including (but not limited to) alcohol consumption, promiscuous sex and drug taking.

In fact, this article (from Feb 2025) cites a poll carried out by YouGov - a well respected polling agency - which appears to show that GenZ are less than a third as likely to have casual sex as Millennials were. Millennials who, as pointed out above, genuinely were the first generation to have online dating, internet hookups, free and easy access to all kinds of porn, social media, etc.

I don’t think that anyone is saying that there aren’t men out there who are telling lies to get their end away, but this is not a new phenomenon - there always have been men prepared to lie to have sex
and Gen Z aren’t new victims of it. Slut shaming anyone isn’t a proportionate response, given that actually, sex isn’t and shouldn’t be inherently shameful and what goes on between consenting partners (including kink) is only their business.

Gen Z has a different attitude toward one-night stands than millennials did 20 years ago. Their idea of marriage has changed too | Fortune

Isolation during the pandemic fueled Gen Z’s romantic idealism and attitudes about dating and marriage.

https://fortune.com/2025/02/13/gen-z-millennials-relationships-sex-marriage/

BigFatLiar · 09/09/2025 14:44

ChocolateCinderToffee · 09/09/2025 06:57

Nobody should be shamed for having willing sex with a willing partner. Nobody. Shaming promiscuous men does nothing to stop the shaming of women.

That said, I wouldn’t want sex with a guy who’d shagged half my acquaintance.

But if he didn't tell you then you wouldn't know. It's not your business to know if he's worked his way through half your friendship group. It's not his business if you've had sex with half his friends either.

Nobody should be shamed about sexual history and its no one's business but theirs.

Personally I see sex as a part of a committed relationship rather than a casual pleasure to be enjoyed. Not my problem if you do however see sex as an enjoyable past time just don't be upset if he's been with people you know. Either suck it up or admit your a hypocrite.

PennySweeet · 09/09/2025 14:39

NoThanksNeeded · 09/09/2025 14:29

"Probably". They also didn't have contraception and religious shame was much higher. The downsides have already been explain very well upthread....

Because then they have "women trying to control us and how we act" as extra ammunition

You clearly do think they should be shamed and in fact you ARE already engaging in shaming them

And still no answer about religious upbringing...

You clearly do think they should be shamed and in fact you ARE already engaging in shaming them

Yep it’s what this whole thread is about. It’s all ‘well I think this and I don’t reckon that’, from an OP whose barely been a grown up for a year according to her 🙄

Tryingtokeepgoing · 09/09/2025 14:39

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