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To think promiscuous men should be shamed more?

417 replies

TheJoyOfWriting · 08/09/2025 22:28

This, really. The whole body count discourse is the latest version of slut-shaming, as it's mostly aimed at women. Promiscuous men are still given status by other men and by women, too often.

The body count arguments that people use against women can be used against men just as easily. Promiscuous men are more likely to cheat. They are more likely to have STDs. They are more likely to have contributed to an 'oops' baby- it takes 2 to make one, and more likely to walk away after w no consequences.

Promiscuous men often dump women after pretending to be interested to get sex, esp on datjng apps, which fuel this kind of behaviour. Women tend to find ONSs less satisfying, often partly bc these kind of men often don't care about giving pleasure, just taking it.

The idea that a man's worth is measured by how many women he has sex with is very bad. It encourages men to treat women badly, and it fuels the incel culture by making men feel insecure & unmanly if they're not sexually successful.

Thoughts? I don't mean we should call Promiscuous men horrible names or talk about them like 'run through' or 'high mileage cars' the way some men do about promiscuous women. But I think they should be shamed more, by both men and women.

I don't think casual sex is bad per se, but I think the culture of it has got out of control, and Promiscuous men share a lot of the blame.

OP posts:
Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 22:06

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:25

Hmm..so I must be young & ignorant of people of other ages and backgrounds bc-
I think that on average, women are less keen on casual sex than men are,

I don't approve of D/S or violent kinks (or ones involving racism, misogyny or homophobia)

and I think it's better if divorce doesn't take place (though I have clarified that cheating/abusive partners are obvs different)

I really don't think that any of these opinions are as out-there as you think...

Edited

You know your posts are right there don’t you? I can literally quote what you said.

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:56

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:38

I don’t need to imply anything. I’ll tell you out straight. But I never ever ever called you ignorant and that is a bare faced lie.

. That isn't what you meant to imply. I apologise for the misunderstanding.

'So I must be ignorant' was my interpretation of what you said, I was not claiming you used those exact words, I am sorry it came across that way.

OP posts:
TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:46

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:37

Get the fuck off the Internet and stop navel gazing and worrying about other people and go and live your fucking life. It’s short. Before you know it you’ll be old and the menopausal woman with no fucks left to give. And you’ll wish you had done more and had more fun and I guarantee you won’t wish you’d spent more time on the internet telling people where they were wrong.

I think it's good to have some concern for things that don't directly affect your life.

I appreciate that subjects like this are emotive, and I did phrase my OP in rather a one-sided way, it should have been worded better.

But I think this has been a very interesting discussion. As I said, I've learnt useful things from discussions on FWR on various feminist issues, and I don't think discussing things on the Internet in a way that would be harder to do in real life is a bad thing.

I'll be leaving their thread for today, but interested to see what, (if anything!) is posted tomorrow evening. I certainly have food for thought.

I am very grateful for all the responses, I will give more replies tomorrow evening. I know I haven't see eye to eye with all posters on this thread, but it has been very valuable to hear different points of view.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 09/09/2025 21:45

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:40

Yes, I accept that I've still got things to learn...this ties in with what I was thinking just now. When I googled the studies I posted on this thread, I saw some saying that women regret casual sex less when they initiate, and that they're less likely to agree if sober.

So maybe women like casual sex more than studies show, but they give negative responses bc their main experience has been when drunk or when they didn't initiate and perhaps felt under pressure.

After all there's still norms that men initiate, to some extent at least, and women are more likely to agree to stuff they don't want.

Whereas probs the best way for women to enjoy would be to take more control.

It's not rocket science that when too much alcohol is involved it increases the likelihood of regret, people have regrets about simply being drunk and the fear about what they said/did.

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:41

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:40

Yes, I accept that I've still got things to learn...this ties in with what I was thinking just now. When I googled the studies I posted on this thread, I saw some saying that women regret casual sex less when they initiate, and that they're less likely to agree if sober.

So maybe women like casual sex more than studies show, but they give negative responses bc their main experience has been when drunk or when they didn't initiate and perhaps felt under pressure.

After all there's still norms that men initiate, to some extent at least, and women are more likely to agree to stuff they don't want.

Whereas probs the best way for women to enjoy would be to take more control.

Women taking control is a kink though and you do not approve of kinks ….

tigger1001 · 09/09/2025 21:40

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:25

Hmm..so I must be young & ignorant of people of other ages and backgrounds bc-
I think that on average, women are less keen on casual sex than men are,

I don't approve of D/S or violent kinks (or ones involving racism, misogyny or homophobia)

and I think it's better if divorce doesn't take place (though I have clarified that cheating/abusive partners are obvs different)

I really don't think that any of these opinions are as out-there as you think...

Edited

Do you think it's better to stay in an unhappy relationship?

i got around the whole divorce issue by just not getting married.

you don't need to approve of anyone else's kink. If it's not your thing that's absolutely fine. But your approval isn't needed for anyone else.

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:40

Anchorage56 · 09/09/2025 21:33

You are only 19, you've got many years ahead of you to continue meeting people and learning. That's the problem with a lot of what you are saying, you've simply not had the life experience due to your age.

Yes, I accept that I've still got things to learn...this ties in with what I was thinking just now. When I googled the studies I posted on this thread, I saw some saying that women regret casual sex less when they initiate, and that they're less likely to agree if sober.

So maybe women like casual sex more than studies show, but they give negative responses bc their main experience has been when drunk or when they didn't initiate and perhaps felt under pressure.

After all there's still norms that men initiate, to some extent at least, and women are more likely to agree to stuff they don't want.

Whereas probs the best way for women to enjoy would be to take more control.

OP posts:
Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:38

I don’t need to imply anything. I’ll tell you out straight. But I never ever ever called you ignorant and that is a bare faced lie.

PennySweeet · 09/09/2025 21:38

Anchorage56 · 09/09/2025 21:33

You are only 19, you've got many years ahead of you to continue meeting people and learning. That's the problem with a lot of what you are saying, you've simply not had the life experience due to your age.

This.

I think most of us look back at our teenage 'know it all' years and cringe.

Nowhere near as much lived experience as we thought.

And I think it's worse for teenagers today whose 'lived experience' is mostly from things they've read online.

Tontostitis · 09/09/2025 21:37

I feel sorry for promiscuous men I think they are trying to fill some sort of emotional void. I'll never know the real true deep sex connection you can get when you're in love and faithful. And I think more people think that than don't.

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:37

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:34

Well what were you trying to imply then? Saying that I should meet different kinds of people of different ages and backgrounds implies that I must only know a few kinds of people & know little about the wider world.

Get the fuck off the Internet and stop navel gazing and worrying about other people and go and live your fucking life. It’s short. Before you know it you’ll be old and the menopausal woman with no fucks left to give. And you’ll wish you had done more and had more fun and I guarantee you won’t wish you’d spent more time on the internet telling people where they were wrong.

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:35

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:32

I posted that bc RemingtonSteele was implying that I must be ignorant of different kinds of people bc I hold those opinions

Again. I never said you were ignorant.

it’s rude to ascribe words to people that they didn’t say. It’s not debating in good faith to do that.

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:34

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:32

I didn’t imply that you were ignorant.

Don’t put words into my mouth. That is rude. And unfair when I never said that.

Well what were you trying to imply then? Saying that I should meet different kinds of people of different ages and backgrounds implies that I must only know a few kinds of people & know little about the wider world.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 09/09/2025 21:33

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:31

You implied it when saying that I should meet people of different ages and backgrounds. As if I couldn't have done that and still have these opinions.

You are only 19, you've got many years ahead of you to continue meeting people and learning. That's the problem with a lot of what you are saying, you've simply not had the life experience due to your age.

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:32

Anchorage56 · 09/09/2025 21:30

What does it really matter if slightly less women are into casual sex than men? It's never going to be exactly the same is it.

Not many people agree with racism misogyny or homophobia, that's for a different thread surely.

Of course in an ideal world people wouldnt get divorced, but what's your point.

I posted that bc RemingtonSteele was implying that I must be ignorant of different kinds of people bc I hold those opinions

OP posts:
Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:32

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:31

You implied it when saying that I should meet people of different ages and backgrounds. As if I couldn't have done that and still have these opinions.

I didn’t imply that you were ignorant.

Don’t put words into my mouth. That is rude. And unfair when I never said that.

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:31

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:28

I never said you were ignorant. That is your word.

and you are young. 19, objectively, is young.

You implied it when saying that I should meet people of different ages and backgrounds. As if I couldn't have done that and still have these opinions.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 09/09/2025 21:30

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:25

Hmm..so I must be young & ignorant of people of other ages and backgrounds bc-
I think that on average, women are less keen on casual sex than men are,

I don't approve of D/S or violent kinks (or ones involving racism, misogyny or homophobia)

and I think it's better if divorce doesn't take place (though I have clarified that cheating/abusive partners are obvs different)

I really don't think that any of these opinions are as out-there as you think...

Edited

What does it really matter if slightly less women are into casual sex than men? It's never going to be exactly the same is it.

Not many people agree with racism misogyny or homophobia, that's for a different thread surely.

Of course in an ideal world people wouldnt get divorced, but what's your point.

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:28

I never said you were ignorant. That is your word.

and you are young. 19, objectively, is young.

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:25

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:07

You’re so obviously young in the way you write. And the way you phrase things.

honestly the best advice I can give you is turn off the tv and go out and do something less boring instead.

Go out and build actual real life relationships - not just romantic ones - with all sorts of different people of all ages and types and backgrounds, lots of different people who are different to you.

Because right now, here, this, it’s not coming across particularly well.

Hmm..so I must be young & ignorant of people of other ages and backgrounds bc-
I think that on average, women are less keen on casual sex than men are,

I don't approve of D/S or violent kinks (or ones involving racism, misogyny or homophobia)

and I think it's better if divorce doesn't take place (though I have clarified that cheating/abusive partners are obvs different)

I really don't think that any of these opinions are as out-there as you think...

OP posts:
TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:11

GarlicPint · 09/09/2025 21:01

It isn't subtle. There have been inquiries into the effect of porn on teenagers, who've been getting the idea that anal sex is what you do. None of them being at all experienced, they're making a right mess of it - boys and girls both accepting that sex is painful for girls, causes injuries, and this is the right way to show love. Many of them were having anal before they'd even kissed.

It's been a major factor in the debates over how online porn should be restricted.

Exactly , the pressure isn't simply subtle peer pressure, it's full-on pressure from boys getting their sexual cues from porn. My mum read Tanith Carey's 2013 book Girls Uninterrupted where she warned about this, and as a result she was always careful to monitor my Internet use, which I'm glad of. I went to an all girls school & most parents there were similarly strict, no one wax watching porn afaik, but that's clearly not the typical situation for a lot of people.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/sep/02/i-think-its-natural-why-has-sexual-choking-become-so-prevalent-among-young-people#comments

Rise in popularity of anal sex has led to health problems for women

Incontinence, bleeding and STIs among the consequences, say two surgeons, who want doctors to have open chats with patients on the topic

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

OP posts:
Nothankyov · 09/09/2025 21:08

The answer couldn’t be simpler. No one should be shamed. As long as there is no cheating and it’s consensual (should go without saying) then no one should be shamed.

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:07

You’re so obviously young in the way you write. And the way you phrase things.

honestly the best advice I can give you is turn off the tv and go out and do something less boring instead.

Go out and build actual real life relationships - not just romantic ones - with all sorts of different people of all ages and types and backgrounds, lots of different people who are different to you.

Because right now, here, this, it’s not coming across particularly well.

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:05

Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:02

What do you mean it doesn’t sit right with you? That’s an odd turn of phrase to use.

I mean that it's possible but from the account she gave, I find it really to hard to believe she was consenting. I suspect the apparently positive texts were a fawn response, esp as she was relying on him for accommodation etc.

OP posts:
Remingtonsteele · 09/09/2025 21:02

TheJoyOfWriting · 09/09/2025 21:00

Yes, that's why I was a bit unsure about citing that. Quite a few articles I'd seen argued that Scarlett's messages to him indicated that maybe she gave consent and then regretted it after feeling awful afterwards. But that doesn't sit right with me.

What do you mean it doesn’t sit right with you? That’s an odd turn of phrase to use.