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Strange interaction at work and no one else sees the issue?

234 replies

Teachnomore · 08/09/2025 21:48

This happened today and I need to share. I manage a team of 12 and don’t work Friday’s. I came in today to an email from my senior/deputy about something which happened between two colleagues on Friday - without getting into details, there was an argument in front of the team and it was unprofessional.

I booked time in with each individual separately today to discuss what happened.

When I walked into the meeting room with one of the colleagues (male), he rushed up to the table, pretended to bend over and said let’s get this over with. Then stopped, pretended to take his belt off and laughed hysterically. I just told him to sit down and he said he thought what he suggested would be a quicker punishment, again laughing.

Now, am I being a bit of a killjoy here or is that really inappropriate? I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like. My DP found it hilarious when I told him and thinks I’ve had a sense of humour failure..

I just found it awkward and a bit rude given the circumstances.

OP posts:
dapsnotplimsolls · 08/09/2025 23:16

Speak to HR.

As for your DP ... words fail.

MaxineHarper · 08/09/2025 23:15

Meem321 · 08/09/2025 21:53

Would be have behaved in the same way had his manager been male?

No.

Inappropriate.
Unprofessional.
Misogynistic.

I would be contacting HR to discuss and I wouldn't let it go.

This

OneFunBrickNewt · 08/09/2025 23:11

As a man, I can't imagine saying that at my work to my woman boss. It just doesn't compute. It's sexual, disrespectful, massively unprofessional and out of the 70s.

AMiddleClassWomanOfACertainAge · 08/09/2025 23:09

Many years ago I managed a bloke who on having negative feedback asked me to wear leather next time. He was gone the next day and I’m glad my my employers took it seriously and got rid. The phrase “it’s just how he is” is how people get away with unacceptable and quite often serious behaviour.

Ohmygodshesfashionroadkill · 08/09/2025 23:08

Oh for heaven’s sake, this is not ok and you need to report it to HR. Your partner is a dick head too.

GarlicPint · 08/09/2025 23:08

Even leaving aside the utterly strange, creepy and psychologically revealing nature of his 'joke', the basic facts are:

  1. He admitted fault;
  2. He treated a professional reprimand as a joke. Massively disrespectful to you, your position and his responsibilities as a grown-up member of a workplace team. The weirdness on top of that makes it vaguely sexual and is sexist if he'd never behave this way with a male superior.

I do hope you can find an adult in HR to discuss this with. And - I'm sorry you have to manage a twat!

Teachnomore · 08/09/2025 22:59

FionnulaTheCooler · 08/09/2025 22:56

How long has he worked there? Hopefully less than 2 years so you can get rid of him with minimal hassle.

He has been there 12 years, longer than most of the team including myself.

OP posts:
Teachnomore · 08/09/2025 22:58

WizardofCoz · 08/09/2025 22:55

Fucking Hell.

He sounds vile.

Is the other colleague involved in the argument a woman?

Yes

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 08/09/2025 22:56

Teachnomore · 08/09/2025 22:44

To use to do the ‘smacking’.

To those who asked - I am his manager

How long has he worked there? Hopefully less than 2 years so you can get rid of him with minimal hassle.

WizardofCoz · 08/09/2025 22:55

Fucking Hell.

He sounds vile.

Is the other colleague involved in the argument a woman?

GloryFades · 08/09/2025 22:54

Not at all appropriate, but even if it was, and even if it was the world’s funniest joke it was not the time and place to be joking.

He clearly doesn’t take what he did seriously which is bad enough of itself, but he just layered it with sexual harassment, which would be a sackable offence at my work.

Scarydinosaurs · 08/09/2025 22:47

Wow, no totally not appropriate and your colleague just doesn’t want to deal with the fallout of reprimanding him.

Childanddogmama · 08/09/2025 22:47

That is hugely inappropriate. It's a shame you didn't deal with it as it happened, but I wouldn't let it go.

Teachnomore · 08/09/2025 22:44

Saponarium · 08/09/2025 22:23

I don't understand. Was he suggesting that the quicker punishment would be smacking his bum? If so why did he pretend to take his belt off?

To use to do the ‘smacking’.

To those who asked - I am his manager

OP posts:
steff13 · 08/09/2025 22:41

I feel like I'm pretty easygoing generally, and I would be shocked by this. Yuck.

snackatack · 08/09/2025 22:39

That is some twisted sexual harrasment imo

EquinoxQueen · 08/09/2025 22:35

totally unacceptable and as his manager you should be able to put him on a disciplinary for unacceptable behaviour.

these people who behave in a manner of ‘oh well, that’s just Bob’ should not be accepted and their behaviour not tolerated. Those who do not behave in such ways often get pulled up for doing much less.

this needs to be nipped in the bud immediately. If your manager hasn’t got your back - speak with her first thing and raise a disciplinary tomorrow. This isn’t a grievance because you are the manager. Seek union support if necessary.

Mumstheword1380 · 08/09/2025 22:29

It seems he sees you more as a friend than his manager so trying to make light of a situation and not taking it seriously. I remember someone saying to me years ago when you are in management, your employees can’t be your friends. By all means be polite, courteous etc. When your employees are your friends they don’t take you seriously as their manager. Never fully known how to respond to that as you want to be a harmonious team with your colleagues but at the same time there’s a fine line that shouldn’t be crossed. You have to be given a certain level of respect given your position in regards to disciplinaries etc. I think he was pushing it to be honest, either he’s really cheeky type guy thinking he’s being funny or completely disrespectful.

DramaLlamacchiato · 08/09/2025 22:29

Harassment related to sex.

Not acceptable

Ledwood85 · 08/09/2025 22:26

HR with an aim to getting him dismissed.

If you let this slide, what comes next?

AngryBookworm · 08/09/2025 22:24

Absolutely unacceptable. I'd report this to HR as he's putting the company in jeopardy. Especially as the meeting itself was about professional behaviour - this needs to go on his record. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Saponarium · 08/09/2025 22:23

I don't understand. Was he suggesting that the quicker punishment would be smacking his bum? If so why did he pretend to take his belt off?

Lavender14 · 08/09/2025 22:21

Megifer · 08/09/2025 21:52

Really inappropriate. I'd have paused the meeting and told him id rearrange for when hes ready for a serious discussion.

Not funny at all.

🤮 I would have left the room immediately and said as above and the forwarded it to hr for investigation. I wouldn't tolerate that in my team and it sounds like the culture in yours is toxic. Your dp sounds like he doesn't have your back.

ChangingWeight · 08/09/2025 22:19

Sorry I don’t understand your role in this, are you his line manager? If so, it’s your job to write him up due to this, not your own manager’s.

stonebrambleboy · 08/09/2025 22:17

I'm more concerned about your DP's reaction.

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