Strange interaction at work and no one else sees the issue?

I m not surprised that you were completely taken aback.
However, everyone telling you to escalate to HR is correct.

He was probably embarrassed and needed to break the ice/ distract from the fact he'd done something wrong by arguing. He probably would still have done it if it was a male manager. It wasnt sexuel.

No, @DramaLlamacchiato meant "sex" as in the protected characteristic. This moron treated OP differently because she's a woman - there's no way he'd have pulled that stunt if his manager had been male.

He was probably embarrassed and needed to break the ice/ distract from the fact he'd done something wrong by arguing.

Not sex, he meant hit him with the belt

No indeed. Now we have more robust laws to protect us from sexual harassment you really can't 'have a laugh' if that requires you to sexual harass your female colleagues. All your bleating at women to lighten up will be completely in vain, so the sensible thing to do if you want to keep your job is to show some respect, and leave the 'jokes' to those who can be funny without falling foul of equalities legislation.

No, it was his (and, apparently, your) idea of a joke, but it was entirely inappropriate in the circumstances. He had been invited to the meeting to discuss his unprofessional behaviour last Friday, so he knew it was a serious meeting, but he behaved appallingly. He attempted to minimise his involvement in the previous week's argument with his colleague and was utterly disrespectful to OP - you can guarantee he wouldn't have pulled that stunt if his manager had been male! I hope he finds the disciplinary action taken against him equally 'hilarious'. 🙄

Sorry you've had such a shit day. First this fool and then your husband (who doesn't sound great tbf).

I would involve HR.

He was called into to discuss one inappropriate action and decided to create another one.

He's too stupid to be employed much longer.

Your staff member made a power grab by sexualising the situation. He took control of the meeting hoping to wrong foot you, and showed you he thinks your authority over him is a joke. I'd take this incredibly seriously because this speaks volumes about his level of respect for you. Your male manager and husband, being men, will not have experienced the way some male subordinates use these techniques to belittle their female seniors. If he was my staff member he'd be finding out what being disciplined in the work place really meant.

He sounds like a complete asshole who has no respect for authority, especially a woman in a position of authority, he would never have said that to a man

Also he was trying to make light of the issue so I’m assuming he was he instigator / main offender?…….he sounds unprofessional and likely impossible to manage…..I would personally go to HR and ask them to deal with him, I would also try and get rid of him/ get him off my team

That sounds like a typical male sense of humour. But it's wrong place wrong time and inappropriate at work. I'd feel embarrassed and wouldn't know what to say.

What was the outcome in relation to the argument - are the participants getting any sort of sanction for that, e.g. a formal warning? And did this man appear to take that seriously, or not? If he was still laughing and giggling, I would be going up to the next level of sanction.

Ah, he's one of the "untouchables" - or thinks he is ... Prove him wrong OP.

@Teachnomore YANBU. It was childish, rude, inappropriate, disrespectful and not remotely funny. It was also an attempt to minimise and distract from this colleague's involvement in the argument on Friday. I would involve HR to run a disciplinary against him. He needs to learn and grow up - fast - if he wants to keep his job.

This ^

Disgusting and inappropriate. He is a misogynistic pig.
I think his behaviour, and remarks in that meeting should be escalated. He needs to learn this is not acceptable.

Some people are embarrassed for being in a potential disciplinary meeting and try to take the pressure out of a situation by making jokes - this one was badly misjudged and inappropriate. Its either that or he thinks being your friend, adding cheeky humour will make you smile and go softer on him.

Either way, you can't accept it, at the very least he needs to know its very inappropriate. You can perhaps make a joke of that nature to friends outside of the formal process but in that setting, its not appropriate and minimises the original issue.

"I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like."

I think it's fair to go back to your manager and ask if an employee has ever bent over for a spanking from him. He's shrugging off this behaviour because, as a man, he's never been on the receiving end of it. It only effects women. This is an issue for HR. Your manager needs to be sent on a training course and the other employee needs a formal warning.

Lighten up it was a joke, people can’t even have a laugh nowadays without people
taking offence 🙄

Agreed. Colleague is way out of order but so is husband's reaction.

Well, yes, equally concerned, for me. Your DP really found it 'hilarious?' I wouldn't be okay with that.

I would’ve cringed myself inside out. What an arsehole!

Sound like something David Brent would say / do in 'The Office' which, in itself was written to highlight completely inappropriate behaviour nearly 25 years ago.

It is a shame you didn't deal with it at the time, but this should not be 'let go'.

He should be. But potentially there is a longer process for dismissal.

It needs to go to your HR.

It is so completely inappropriate in any circumstance, but for him to think it was the best way to approach a meeting called to discuss his inappropriate behaviour in the office in the first place beggars belief.

It's not funny. It's aggressive and disrespectful

Oh. I totally misread that. I thought he was implying sex not a spanking. I would have reacted very badly.