One working parent

Yes he's well paid so that does make a massive difference. It works great, I don't really have any qualifications and would more than likely be on minimum wage if I did get a job, it just wouldn't be worth it.

Why would the youngest still be at nursery if he’s not working?

We do it, we have 5 kids and my husband works away offshore, I don't work. It works really well for us because it means I'm always around for the kids and we don't have sky high childcare bills.

While the government are somehow pretending we are not in a recession, we are in a recession. Jobs are down, inflation is high, a lot is in flux in the economy. Best thing would be for him to go part time say 2-3 days per week. Extra time with the kids and to try whatever he wants to do, but two CVs being kept active and he has a better chance of getting his job back to full time if you lose yours.

he also would like to see how he can start to make a passive income

This is a red flag what has he been reading online

"Passive income" is the bloke variant of mlm huns. Where's he going to get this magic passive income stream from? Is he a skilled investor, does he have a huge pot of capital to buy property with & the skills to manage tenants?

Passive income doesn't really exist unless you inherit a large enough pool of capital that it generates enough return to pay advisors for it.

What doesn’t concern you? That your DP is putting himself in a very vulnerable position, even more so now you’ve said he’s not on the mortgage?

Yes, we do this now. My job was affecting my mental health and I was massively burnt out and on my second round of burnout related sick leave since COVID and then after I went off sick, I got diagnosed with cancer and couldn’t return to work anyway (my contract ran out while I was signed off and my job no longer existed).

It’s absolutely been the best choice I could have made, though could have done without the bloody cancer. 😂 Two things I’d say is make sure he actually takes on the bulk of the parenting and running the household. That means, doing the meal planning and the food shopping, the sorting birthday presents for friends, the GP visits and the sick days, the other life admin, plus the nighttime waking, and then you step in more for bath and bedtime and taking them out on the weekends.

He also needs to use this time wisely to work on himself, his physical and mental health, but also to explore what’s next. I’m a bit suspicious of this passive income crap. That sort of stuff is almost always either a scam (MLMs) or not something most people ever are successful in (investing in some whacky scheme) or take a huge investment before you see returns (property development). What he should do though is use this time to retrain so he can go back to work doing something he enjoys that will take him above minimum wage. I’m starting a course shortly that will then allow me to go self-employed instead of returning to my old sector.

And beyond that, do have a bail out option. Consider what you’d do if it all goes wrong: for example, you get ill and suddenly can’t work and lose your income. Would he be able to easily jump back into employment to support you all? Do you have adequate savings or critical illness cover? Critical illness cover also doesn’t cover much! For example, I’ve been out of work with cancer for a year, but it wouldn’t cover me because my prognosis is that it’s curable (but a bastard). I’d have to be even more ill than not being able to work for a year to get any payout. Basically, make sure you are covered if also you suddenly need to do the same.

I was a stay at home mum so not the same as your circumstances but my other half was on minimum wage so it's definitely possible to live on one wage.
For a multitude of reasons I didn't work and we were poor but it was the right decision for the children and I don't regret it for a second- I would always choose time with my kids, so if your partner has that opportunity and you are also happy with it, I would say go for it!

Yes, so what would be your joint expectations of his time during that period? Laundry? Meal prep? Nothing?

I don't mean to sound like I'm making a point, just that you both need to be clear.

If the time is for him to rest, fine, but you'll need to make sure you factor that in if you feel tired at the end of the day and still need to cook and run kids through bedtime etc x

I agree with this.

He would be putting himself in an extremely precarious situation with his name not even on the mortgage and unmarried ! can't believe he would even consider this tbh.

Don’t do it. If you ended up splitting you could find that he gets majority custody and you have to pay him maintenance. Fuck that.

He just needs to find a different job doing something he liked more. Not jack it in completely.

As someone who has been the main earner in the household and is now in a divorce, I say don’t set yourself up to have an adult dependent.

It would make him very vulnerable as you’re not married. But if he is planning to retrain or find employment that makes him happier it could be a good idea short term.
In the usual SAHP set-up the person at home usually does the majority of housework, cooking and organising as well as most childcare and in return has access to the working parents funds. Your set-up requires no childcare so he should probably have some sort of goal for that time otherwise he might end up depressed and feeling useless after a while. It sounds more like he needs a while to re-evaluate his work life rather than becoming a SAHP.

So they are n school? So what would he do? I would be cautious about him trying to get his passive income. That's obviously something we all want! If it was easy we would all do it. Can't he do dinner lady hours or something just to keep one foot in work. You don't want to be resentful in 10 years because he's not worked at all.

You should be married before you even consider this. Go to your local registry office. It doesn’t need to be a big expensive day. It’s about legally protecting yourself.