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H and pressure to breastfeed

80 replies

westartfires · 08/09/2025 19:51

Although my LO is now 3, I’m having trouble coming to terms with how my H treated me around breastfeeding. I wonder if I might benefit from some therapy. Now my LO is older am I’m back at work I’m feeling more empowered and getting really angry about how he treated me and don’t want him to touch me.

He put so much pressure on me to keep feeding. Technically everything was going well on paper - no issues with supply, baby gaining weight, etc. But the whole process was causing my so much anxiety I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t relax, it was just too much. Honestly it’s making me anxious just writing this out.

The doctor said since my anxiety was so severe I should just quit breastfeeding and start antidepressants, but my H overrode her opinion and pretty much told me not to do that - but to keep feeding. I was feeling really low and vulnerable and I feel kind of embarrassed to say I did what he asked for another month or so until I hit complete breaking point.

If he caught me giving her formula he would shout at me and shame me, making me feel like a complete failure. He was working from home at the time to supposedly offer support but he just made everything worse.

Although I did eventually stop and take the antidepressants in spite of his bullying, I feel like his pressure in those early months robbed me from enjoying my time with my LO and has destroyed my trust in him. I haven’t wanted to share a bed with him since, and the intimacy of our marriage is virtually nonexistent. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
SaladMum562 · 08/09/2025 19:59

Your DH is a bully and horrible.

It's very very common to come out of the baby/toddler years , go back to work and say fuck it, you survived the hardest time without his support, now you have some freedom and clearer head you might as well get rid of him.

Lots of people in my social / work circle with kids ages 4-7 are on the brink of divorce or separated. Every single one of the men in those couples were useless shits and it was obvious to everyone around them and now their wives can see it too.

Shoxfordian · 08/09/2025 19:57

He had no right to treat you like that, of course its damaged your relationship

zaazaazoom · 08/09/2025 19:56

How dare he.
I honestly would leave. No wonder you felt like shit. So sorry you went through that.

TheTwitcher11 · 08/09/2025 19:54

westartfires · 08/09/2025 19:51

Although my LO is now 3, I’m having trouble coming to terms with how my H treated me around breastfeeding. I wonder if I might benefit from some therapy. Now my LO is older am I’m back at work I’m feeling more empowered and getting really angry about how he treated me and don’t want him to touch me.

He put so much pressure on me to keep feeding. Technically everything was going well on paper - no issues with supply, baby gaining weight, etc. But the whole process was causing my so much anxiety I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t relax, it was just too much. Honestly it’s making me anxious just writing this out.

The doctor said since my anxiety was so severe I should just quit breastfeeding and start antidepressants, but my H overrode her opinion and pretty much told me not to do that - but to keep feeding. I was feeling really low and vulnerable and I feel kind of embarrassed to say I did what he asked for another month or so until I hit complete breaking point.

If he caught me giving her formula he would shout at me and shame me, making me feel like a complete failure. He was working from home at the time to supposedly offer support but he just made everything worse.

Although I did eventually stop and take the antidepressants in spite of his bullying, I feel like his pressure in those early months robbed me from enjoying my time with my LO and has destroyed my trust in him. I haven’t wanted to share a bed with him since, and the intimacy of our marriage is virtually nonexistent. Am I overreacting?

No you’re not overreacting and he probably clocked that as long as you were breastfeeding, he wouldn’t be required to help so much (though decent people would find other ways to help, dickheads look for any reason to skive!)

TravelPanic · 08/09/2025 19:54

I exclusively BF both my babies and I can truthfully say your husband is an arse. It’s your body and he has NO right to control what you do with it. As long as your baby was fed, that’s all that matters. I don’t blame you for being angry with him.

have you discussed your feelings with him more recently? Do you want to save the marriage or is it too late for that?