to take ds1’s phone off him until he takes school serious?

You need to set some limits. Bring phone down to charge at 10pm latest. No phone until homework is done. If he’s dead in the morning as he’s been up half the night on his phone then of course he’s not going to do well in school. People make a lot of money from social media, so I wouldn’t say it’s not a proper job as it is. But you need a lot of followers for that. Unlikely he’s going to get rich from that. Your DH sounds like he’s not taking it very seriously.

I’d start by taking it away for bedtime. Our broadband set up lets us turn off internet access to specific devices - maybe see if you can do something like that on a schedule.

Lock his phone down. He shouldn’t have it in his room overnight. Block TikTok or limit how long it’s available.

Is this his first phone?

Your husband seems pretty useless!

Yes remove the phone. Let him kick off. It’s for his own good.

Learning the hard way = going to a further education college to resit Maths and English GCSEs until he passes. I have a family member with this attitude to GCSEs and he was shocked that the government wouldn’t fund him to go to college in his 20s. Stop feeling guilty, when he’s 18 he can create his TikTok career. Until then he’s a child of compulsory school age and the phone is given back when he’s finished all his homework. I’ve known parents keep phones under their own mattress after bedtime.

Are you a kid?! Of course she needs to limit his phone usage.

You can put parental controls on OP, so suggest you do this to ensure he at least gets his sleep. Maybe no phone until HW is done?

At 16 should be able to self regulate. A bit old to be taking phone away especially as it was supposed to be a gift

Just put all electronics especially phones on charge downstairs overnight or in your room
You can't take his phone but you can make sure he's not up all night on it

Hell yes you should take his phone and no you aren’t being too harsh.

Parenting isn’t being their friend, it’s ensuring they are doing the right things to prepare them later in life (getting a job).

Stop feeling bad and start feeling good that you are taking this seriously. Do you honestly think he’s going to wake up one day and just get it?

Hes on his phone all night? That needs to stop immediately. Stay strong.

My 13 yo DS has an iPhone which is a child account linked to my phone. I control all screen time from my phone. Can you do that?

Has he not had a phone and TikTok before that? If not that’s part of the problem. He’s almost been denied now he’s obsessed. Ask him when he leaves school and needs to pay rent how he proposes to do that with TikTok? What’s his talent? What’s his content? It takes years to be a successful social media influencer. How does he propose to pay for his car? Holiday with his mates? New trainers? It would infuriate me too.

Imagine being the teacher having to deal with parents like the op’s dh who don’t give a shit about their child’s educational attainment.

YANBU. Take the phone until he earns the privilege to have it.

When my daughter (11) kept going on about TikTok and content creation as a job she desperately wanted to do I asked her to prove she wanted it to be ‘work’ and was therefore a job which would require her ongoing attention and effort. I told her that before I’d allow her to have any social media I’d need to see ideas for videos that would attract an audience; that it would require a basic marketing plan to show who she would be targeting and how she would stand out from other creators; I asked for a schedule for releasing content initially to build her audience and an ongoing schedule to include time to develop ideas/create and edit videos/publish content. It all seemed like a lot of hard work, and not just fun, and it quite quickly stopped being of interest to her for those reasons. Perhaps a similar approach would be useful for your son? Supporting the idea but being really realistic about what’s involved so he can see that he has to work hard in one way or another!

You need to set some controls on it and a time limit. No phones after 9. He has to hand it in.

I d use some chat gpt statistics to kill of the TikTok dream, how many people make money? How long is a career span? What content sells? What are the dangers? What mental health problems are caused from TikTok use? And if none of those put him off, where does the data go? Who has access to TikTok data? Why are government officials not allowed to use TikTok. I find this bit particularly disturbing. You could also ask in real time what happens to NEETs? Statistically what career prospects comes from grade 3s? What do I have to do to achieve in my GCSEs? How many weeks are left to the first exam (30). What can I do without 8 good GCSEs? What jobs are available without qualifications etc etc

If he isn't on tiktok yet he's late to the party. See kids of tiktok, toddlers of toktok etc. What's his talent?

You have done the right thing. 'phones are the ruination of our children. (OTT I know, but children's lives were simpler without them).

Cut off WiFi access rather than confiscation of phone .

Lol at rose alone

Don't be silly, leave his phone alone. You're only going to make a bad situation worse by doing such childish things. Be a parent and talk to him and support him in what he wants to do no matter how little you understand it.

He should definitely not have it after 9 in the evening as he needs his sleep, so start with that

Set a goal with a reward for good behaviour, for something he really wants.

Your son has to keep his side of the agreenent, and you need to keep yours.

Drives motivation and cancels out bad behaviour.

Don't make it too easy.
Don't make it too difficult.

Empowers the child to achieve so they learn the right way to behave, and when he reaches his goal, keep the promise of the reward.

i said im gonna take his phone until he can prove hes serious about school but hes kicked off saying im ruining his life.
We had this yesterday.... I haven't taken his phone, (I had a Nokia in my basket but DH thinks we need to be able to track him so didn't get it) but I've locked it down so he only has access to maps, clock, phone and his bus pass/timetable.

I've said if he brings me home a good mark in a test, we can discuss having an app back, if his next marks are bad, it goes again etc. For the first time in 4 weeks, he's brought homework home today!