Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would your husband say if he came home from work and you’d had a drink?

463 replies

khlolea · 08/09/2025 18:55

I have had a glass of wine tonight after work, thought why not?
Dh is home and is furious, speaking to me like a disgrace and slamming cupboards.
I now have an uncomfortable silence which isn’t quite a silence because he’s saying he’s not giving me the silent treatment.

OP posts:
MustWeDoThis · 09/09/2025 18:03

khlolea · 08/09/2025 18:55

I have had a glass of wine tonight after work, thought why not?
Dh is home and is furious, speaking to me like a disgrace and slamming cupboards.
I now have an uncomfortable silence which isn’t quite a silence because he’s saying he’s not giving me the silent treatment.

So he's gaslighting you into feeling guilty for doing something innocent, because he has an unhealthy viewpoint of alcohol? His alcohol problem is not your problem. I would either leave, or I would tell him to leave and not come back until he can act in a civil manner and be less abusive.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 09/09/2025 18:00

OK don't mind saying that raises a few red flags for me. In answer to your question:

Nothing
'What do you think of that bottle?'
'Do you want a top up, love?'

Unless you've opened a special bottle, or have also obviously done nothing all day while he's been working, YANBU to highlight his response as weird.

Teddybear23 · 09/09/2025 17:59

Tell him he will have to get used to it because if YOU feel like a drink you’ll have one. He doesn’t own you.

BlueSkyBurningBright · 09/09/2025 17:58

I did this yesterday. He came down from his office, wfh. I was on the sofa reading with a glass of wine. He did not mention it, I doubt he noticed. It is unusual for me to do this on a weekday.

Crispsrule · 09/09/2025 17:58

Nothing because it’s not 1965 🙄

Roobarbtwo · 09/09/2025 17:57

LavenderBlue19 · 08/09/2025 19:03

Do you have a problem with alcohol? Have you previously said you won't drink in the week, or at all? The only person I know who complains her husband gets cross about her drinking is an alcoholic...

Personally I think my DP would be concerned more than anything, as he knows I don't like drinking at home on my own (very much an occasional social drinker).

Edited

One glass of wine isn't a drink problem

Ceceprincess80 · 09/09/2025 17:57

Why is it a concern to him? I mean is he concerned as you have had a drink on your own and now is reliving a childhood trauma and thinks it's a slippery slope into alcoholism? Or is he controlling? Or is it his wine and he is upset as he didnt want to share? What are his drinking habits? I mean my husband and I are doing dry Sept so he would be upset if I had had a drink without him as we are both being teetotal for the month and we agreed on it. If it was a normal month my husband would possibly be suprised as I do not drink a lot. If a Wednesday to Friday he would probably say pour me a glass but Monday to Tuesday I think he would be surprised if it wasn't Christmas

Teddybear23 · 09/09/2025 17:57

He’d say nothing, or ‘where’s mine’!

Izyboo · 09/09/2025 17:55

He would probably say "tough day?" Then pour himself one.

DeedsNotDiddums · 09/09/2025 17:51

Mine would assume I'd had a hard day or that I wanted to let my hair down. He might join me, or not. He would certainly not make a big drama of it.

Misty333 · 09/09/2025 17:47

I’ll have one thanks.😁

Ellie56 · 09/09/2025 17:12

Banging cupboards and giving you the silent treatment because you're having a drink? Hmm
I wouldn't put up with that shit. Does he always behave like a twat?

If my DH came home and I was having a drink, he'd say, "Good idea. I'll have one too."

thereneverwasacloudyday · 09/09/2025 17:04

I genuinely don't understand why your DH thinks he's the boss of you.

TicklishMintDuck · 09/09/2025 16:56

I’d be so tempted to pour a second glass, just to make a point.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 09/09/2025 16:53

He wouldn't bat an eyelid. I'm a grown up and can do what I like...

ThePerkyEagle · 09/09/2025 16:47

He definitely wouldn’t behave like that

MyLimeGuide · 09/09/2025 16:32

He sounds insane.

purplehair1 · 09/09/2025 16:23

Flipping heck what an overreaction- I usually have a drink after work and he would join me. He sounds like a bully. Can’t believe how many mumsnetters ‘hardly ever drink’ ‘out of character for me’ ‘simpers’.

Daleksatemyshed · 09/09/2025 16:19

If you don't need to drive, don't have small DC or a drink problem then he's a misery Op. My DP wouldn't comment, I'm a big girl now and he knows I make my own choices. Slamming cupboards and calling you names reduces you to a naughty child.

YourDandyPlumBeaker · 09/09/2025 16:17

My teetotal DH would probably say 'bad day at the office?' or something similar. He would be totally fine about it. He definitely wouldn't make a fuss or say anything negative.

SatsumaDog · 09/09/2025 16:15

Unless there’s a backstory involving an alcoholic parent or you have had a history of substance abuse, it seems like a gross overreaction from him. My DH would probably say ‘where’s mine then’ or something along those lines. He would be surprised nowadays since I no longer drink, but a few years ago it wouldn’t have been particularly unusual.

InMyShowgirlEra · 09/09/2025 16:14

If you are married to this man it's surely not a surprise for him to react this way. Unless it was some sort of arranged marriage and you only met him a week ago. I consider that to be bizarre and controlling behaviour but I'm guessing you knew that and picked him anyway, so what can we add?

Sh291 · 09/09/2025 16:14

I guess the question is how much do you usually drink in a typical week OP? Do you have a problem? I remember a recent thread about someone who drank 8 cans a day and didn't think they were an alcoholic.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/09/2025 16:12

He'd probably pour himself a glass unless he was going out again. Otherwise he wouldn't bat an eyelid unless I was half way through a bottle already.

JillMW · 09/09/2025 16:09

Do you have issues with alcohol? Or does he think you do?

Swipe left for the next trending thread