What would your husband say if he came home from work and you’d had a drink?

@khlolea after reading this thread.

I think this is correct- does he have a reason to worry about your drinking? If not it does seem a very odd reaction and he is being unreasonable,

Is he also abusive in other ways?

Mine would be a little surprised, because it is a rare occurrence, but genuinely ask if I’d had a bad/tough day! There would be absolutely no judgement or attitude.

Themselves not them waves, can’t edit more than once and I missed that!

Sounds like you have given him an excuse to act like a spoiled child. However, when an adult acts like that it's a sign of controlling behaviour. Red flag alert!

DH needs to lighten up 😬

My husband would never have reacted like that but I know he wouldn't like it because he avoided alcohol at all costs. This was because his father was a violent and deeply unpleasant alcoholic.

I’m just curious as to what religion permits people to drink ‘but only on holidays’ or to drink ‘but only when your husband is home and also drinking with you’

this is definitely not a religion thing.

He’d probably be a bit 🤨 if I’d had a drink while doing dinner and bedtime for our toddler, but if I’d messaged him during the workday saying ‘it’s been a day today, do you mind if I pop for one with [colleague] on the way home’ he’d assure me he’d cover all DS needs and tell me to enjoy and stay as long as I liked. Before DS was in the picture I’d have messaged him with the done deal and his reaction would have been the same.

Tonight we had a chat early on about how stressed out I am with imminent house move and busy period at work and various family members demanding our time at the moment so he went out to pick up pizza and a bottle of wine and we had a ‘no thinking about all that shit’ night.

My Dh probably would be delighted and feel he could join me too. If it was regular then that's different.

His aggression is much more of a concern than you having one class. Tomorrow speak with him about how unacceptable it was. If he has worries or wounds to heal he can speak them calmly and rationally and you can do your best to reassure him but be sure he realises that throwing his weight around is cowardly, bullying and toddler like and deeply unattractive.

Ha! Bring out the Châteauneuf-du-Pape* *then! Don’t need to share it.

If I'd had a glass of wine or several glasses of Prosecco and my husband came home from work I'd be really drunk because I don't have a husband!

My dh would be surprised because we hardly drink at all.he would assume something awful had happened.

He wouldn't react like ops dh. Unless I was alone with kids, might have to drive, bathe dc - stuff like that. He wouldn't mess about banging doors though. He would point out how irresponsible it was. Which is why it just wouldn't happen.

Dunno, op. Did you open a bottle of ££££ wine and swill it down?:)

Where did you get that from in OP’s post?
You appear to be deflecting his bad behaviour on to the OP, that it must be her fault that he’s acting like a brat

Who are the 4% saying yabu, can they show them waves and explain why they voted that?!
without any context or history of why OP shouldn’t have a drink after work, how can you vote yabu?

Have never had a husband. My partner would say nothing.

It’s my business what I do in my own home. Not theirs. Unless it’s something that affects them. Why would it bother them?

Anything other than that is controlling. I don’t eat meat, but I wouldn’t judge, lecture, slam cupboards or give the silent treatment to someone who does.

The silent treatment is a form of abusive behaviour. Mature adults talk things through.

Was there a delay with this post coming thru as I’m thinking it must have been written in the 1950s??
Seriously what is up with your husband treating you like a child?!
unless there is some previous history of alcohol abuse for you or him and you’ve agree not to drink wth is doing treating you like this?!

And you’re just finding this out now? How long have you been together op?

Not like that.

But on a serious note, dh came home late from a night out with a work colleague. I'd been in on my own and I'd had a drink "or two".

He was more "worried" than angry, maybe embarrassed. By the time this happened I definitely qualified as having a drink problem. I have now been sober for about 15 years, so I say this kindly and with no judgement.

I'd probably look at your drinking if this is a regular occurrence. Especially if its causing problems in your relationship. I might be wrong, but this could be a warning sign.

My partner would be very surprised, as I have never done this, but he wouldn't judge me like that- I think attitudes that different is problematic- you need to talk to him about it, and possibly talk it through together with a counsellor.

I do t have a husband (I have a wife) but she would probably ask what had happened and was it work related. Unless there is some backstory here then it’s a total overreaction on his part and he needs to grow up.

Yeah exactly this.

Is your drinking a problem OP? Are you supposed to be cutting back? Was it "a drink" or were you drunk by the time he got home?