What would your husband say if he came home from work and you’d had a drink?

He might have one, or maybe say nothing at all. Slamming cupboards etc is OTT and controlling unless you become an ogre.

Oh dear bad day?
which one did you open?
is it any good?
any left for me?
in that order.

He sounds like a dick.

Wouldn’t care, we’re adults, we’re allowed to drink when we want.

DH wouldn't bat an eyelid, and neither would I if the situation was reversed.

We don't drink regularly so we'd either think one of us had won the lottery, or was celebrating, but most definitely wouldn't be cause for concern as a one off.

I’m drinking as he’s working on his pc upstairs. Who cares? Maybe your dh has had a rough day

He'd ask if we have any red in, because he only drinks that and I only drink white.

I drink alcohol whenever I like. And if it is a weekday, so be it. I'm having a glass of wine now. A very cold, crisp, New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. Absolutely delicious. I've been up since 0430, I've worked really hard today and all day yesterday, I cooked dinner both days and now I'm enjoying me time with my wine. Mummy and wine time.

My parents live in France and I much prefer their attitude to wine where they have a couple of glasses everyday. If my dad came home from... well, he doesn't work so it would be walking the dogs... he'd only be miffed that she'd started before the proper apero-in-the-garden-with-snacks time.

Mind you, even they are not as hardcore as their ancient builder who used to arrive at 0730, work like mad, stop at 1000 for a small glass of vin rouge, and work like mad until midday. Then he'd go off to the village restaurant for a menu du jour avec vin, come back and work like mad, then clock off at 4pm. AND his work was way better than many a builder I've seen!

Have you had previous conversations about your drinking?
I expect he would be really annoyed if you have drank too much in the past and have made promises to slow down/stop but if you drink 'normally' with no previous issues then it was OTT.

"I wondered if you were ever going to get round to opening that bottle of toffee vodka/raspberry gin/exotic whisky that DD3 gave you for Christmas. Would I like it?"

Unless you opened a special bottle he was saving, he was bang out of order.

My husbands response would be ‘oh jeez what’s happened now?’
I don’t generally drink so if I had one in my hand he would question it but wouldn’t care.

I think you're entitled to have a glass of wine if you want one without needing permission. Assuming there's no missing information like you're an alcoholic or you needed to drive somewhere then your husband sounds like a bit of an arse.

My DH would probably just pour himself a glass too. Being adults we can make these choices for ourselves, just like you should be able to.

My husband would likely react like yours because he is an idiot who I hate being married to! Sending my condolences x

If DH has an office day it's quite common for him to get back and find me with a glass of wine while I'm cooking. Sometimes he'll pour one too, sometimes he won't.

Can I just ask if he has any experience of alcoholism? I grew up with two alcoholic parents and anyone having a drink around me was really triggering, to the point I’d just cry. It was obviously a really abnormal reaction and I had a lot of therapy to help move past it - but checking this isn’t a trigger of his? If not, it’s a shitty response. If it is, he needs help.

Yikes ! YANBU at all but he’s is and I say this as someone who has drink once in a blue moon.
I hope you ignore him and enjoy your drink - turn the tv up!! 😂

Silent treatment lol. He's a bit uptight, isn't he ?. I mean one drink isn't outrageous..A triple vodka before half 5 might be a bit wild but after 6, it's all fair game here.

He'd say "long day? tell me all about it" and then "yes please" when I offered him one too.

Wow well done thats amazing 👏

Sounds like my mother.

Same issue about alcohol only being for high days and holidays. When she says she only drinks a glass of wine at Xmas, thats true.

She loses her shit if people drink more than she thinks is ok (not so much Dsis and I as we just ignore her) but my father really cops it.

She is very controlling about all things, it comes from a place of fear. If she is not 100% in control then she feels unsafe and insecure. My sister and I left home as soon as we could, and I think my father put/puts up with it because her controlling ways meant that she did literally everything for the whole family so she could be sure it was done "right", so he didnt have to do a thing. The alcohol thing I think is because the only time he ever pushes back at her is when he has had a drink, so she tries to stop him drinking as she can control him then.

This is not going to just be about one glass of wine at all is it? He hates you doing something nice for yourself and it not involving him, right?

This is standard for us on a Friday. Whoever is home first has usually had a drink before the other one gets home. On a Monday it would be a bit weird because neither of us drink during the week but he wouldn't throw a tantrum over it, he would just be a bit bemused. If it was more regular, he would be concerned.

Have a think OP
I bet there are lots of things you do to keep the peace, he sounds like hard work.!

‘Ooh pour me one while I have a shower’

We don't tend to drink Mon-Thurs so if I was drinking mid week he'd probably ask if I'd had a rough day, but he wouldn't berate me, nor me him so unless there's a back story and your drinking is a problem, then he's being an ass

He'd probably say "Ooh, you little pisshead", because I'm not one, then laugh and think no more of it, because I'm an adult and can do what I like.

I would be telling your H, assuming there's no underlying alcohol problem, that his weird overeaction to alcohol is not my problem, it's his, and that if he speaks to me like that again because I've dared to have a glass of wine then he can fuck right off.

Don't put up with this shit, people!