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What are the red flags for a lustful man?

154 replies

Liz128 · 08/09/2025 17:23

I’ve been getting to know someone recently who I met off a dating app. When I first got to know him I felt like he was the greenest flag I’d ever met. He reads self development books and says he’s done a lot of self work on his toxic traits, spoke so maturely about both our previous relationships, said he loves to love, his friends say he’s very calm tempered. I like how he wasn’t afraid to make me feel amazing about myself, which some insecure men are afraid of doing. He seems very disciplined with his lifestyle, wakes up at 6am, goes gym, excelling in his career.

He told me his love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. Mine is the same, but I’m concerned he’s a lot more needy for physical attention.

On the build up to meeting him he kept asking me for lots of pictures even though he had already seen a few on my dating profile. He complimented me loads, calling me perfect and constantly wanted to see more (fully clothed photos ofc). He would also send a lot of pictures of himself. Over the phone I noticed he made a couple jokes about the bedroom.

On our first date he was a complete gentleman, opened the doors, paid for the date etc. He opened up about a lot of his problems and family issues and told me how he wants meaningful conversations with someone. He has a lot of friends but I sense some loneliness in him.

Since getting to know him, I felt like things were moving very fast. After this date the compliments continued and he started complimenting my personality too, and was pushing to see me again in a few days. Within the space of that week he had told me he loves how I carry myself, that I’m perfect, he’s so greedy for me, he could tell I was the one, he’s so sure of me, and that he can see us growing old together. I felt very overwhelmed with the attention. We were having a lot of serious talks too about the future and our compatibility which we both aligned on, so I was really starting to like him too. He told me he wants me to meet his sisters whenever I’m ready and they will tell me he has a good character.

He would randomly say how much he wants to hug, or cuddle me- bearing in mind we’d only had 2 dates and no physical touch. This just sounded like lustful behaviour. However, he said when he likes someone he’s all in on that person, so am I judging it the wrong way? He hasn’t crossed any of my boundaries and when I told him I want to take things slow and not meet up so often, he agreed and was very respectful about it. Then a few days later he sent me a topless picture of himself at the gym wearing nothing but his boxers. I just felt this was again, too early and lustful. I don’t want to end up marrying someone who can’t control their desires or prioritises the physical side of things too much.

OP posts:
Liz128 · 08/09/2025 17:58

Really, how so? Haha I’m new to dating since my divorce and I thought I’d finally met a mature, self aware, and disciplined man which were all green ticks to me.

OP posts:
gannett · 08/09/2025 17:57

He told me his love language is physical touch

If someone says this they mean sex.

I wouldn't call it a red flag as I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting sex or prioritising it, but it's definitely a sign of someone who is, as you put it, lustful.

Hillrunning · 08/09/2025 17:55

That full list of things that you have put aside green flags would be huge red flags for me. Argh I was so put off jsut half way through your list.

JMSA · 08/09/2025 17:50

He’s lovebombing you. Sorry. Take it from me, he will be unable to sustain this and you will end up disappointed. The best and healthiest relationships are the ones that start off slowly, without all the bullshit.
I hope I’m wrong. But I highly doubt it 😁
Good luck.