FIL letting DS have a couple of sips of beer

Maybe my issue isn’t directed at the couple of sips of beer but rather him feeling like he can do what he wants.

You may always have problems to be honest, it may not be a case of him just 'doing what he wants' but a case of he thinks you are too anxious about things that are not worth being anxious over, if your DH is also condoning what he does that will also make him think that it is you who is the problem and he is right to do things 'his way.

Fundamentally he is wrong, as it's yours and DHs choice how to parent your child, and he should respect that but you are going to have to accept that if you aren't there and your DH isn't bothered then there is nothing you can do to put a stop to it without sounding hysterical after the fact and feeding into his viewpoint that you are too 'high strung' about everything.

You can't win basically, so unless it is something really serious that could cause harm, then you may be best to learn to ignore it, he sounds like the sort of idiot that would provoke a reaction if he knew he would get one, so the best thing to do is not react.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I know the argument has been thrown up about how we shouldn’t normalise drinking, but drinking in moderation is normal. It’s different to smoking or vaping as they tend to be things that can’t be enjoyed in moderation, but normalising a healthy relationship with alcohol is not a bad thing.

I sometimes used to get a shot glass of beer from my dad when I was little. Made me feel grown up as I got to drink some of “Daddy’s beer” It didn’t do me any harm and I’ve never had a drinking problem. No, it’s not necessary, but it’s just a fun part of playing grown ups for kids

And yet people are more than happy for their children, some as young as 9, to have a mobile phone when the issue of whether they cause damage to developing brains is still ongoing. Funny old world!

I couldn’t get annoyed about this. It’s no big deal in the grand scheme of things, just tasting it.

I wouldn’t like it. It’s just not necessary.

www.communityalcoholpartnerships.co.uk/post/alcohol-free-childhood-best-for-kids-new-study-finds?utm_source=chatgpt.com

My siblings were allowed to sip our parent's drink. None of us are big drinker. I never went crazy over alcohol because I knew I didn't like the taste. I actually only drink alcoholic that I actually like. I am happy to have 1-2 drinks per night.

@AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti why do you get told off for having a glass of prosecco at Christmas? That doesn’t sound fair

Eight is too young for alcohol. I get that people are thinking "no big deal" and I agree that two sips of lager isn't likely to be a big deal; but if your view is that it's not appropriate that should be the end of the conversation.

Don't allow grandpa and DS to make a fun secret of it, either - no "don't tell your mum tee hee" about it. Be unsmiling and firm: there is nothing overprotective about drawing this line. Tell DS the beer is bad for his brain and that you trust him to stop asking to try it.

I would be furious- it isn’t his place to introduce your son to alcohol. How and when alcohol is introduced is entirely a parental decision. My MIL nearly let my DD have a swig of her champagne when DD was around 8. I intervened with a strong, ‘no! What are you doing?!’ I’m sticking with the scientific evidence on this and will wait until she is older before introducing alcohol.

Why do you need “research”?

Alcohol is not something that is necessary nor beneficial for young children in any way.

Why do you think the UK and Scottish governments recommend alcohol free childhoods until age 18? For a laugh?

It seems in the U.K that some people like to make a big thing out of alcohol and almost glamourise it like cigarettes were in the 30's /40's films especially.
I'd be interested to know if other countries, where kids have small amount of wine with meals, is alcholisim a thing like it is here?
Before anyone jumps on me my exh was an alkie and died as a result, no loss but needless to say I have no interested in drinking as a result.

I do have anxiety about a lot of things

Well there you go then. You've answered for yourself.

Also had cherry brandy in my bottle as a baby to help with sleep. Obviously didn’t repeat that with DD but no sign of issues with alcohol for either me or my sister as adults.

DH makes beer so DD has been around it since she was tiny. I think she had her first taste when she was months old rather than years. She’s was the pub’s youngest member of their craft beer enthusiast group. She’s been tasting the couple of beers DH has at a weekend for a few years now (she’s 14).

I very rarely drink (literally 2-3 times a year) so there’s been no glamorising of drinking and she was deeply unhappy when I got a drink at a concert we went to (no driving involved). She has a healthy attitude towards alcohol so I couldn’t get het up about a sip or two of beer at a grandparent’s house (although I would if it was something crappy).

i have very fond memories (and photos) of toddler-me drinking the froth off my dad’s beer. I’m not a raving alcoholic - if anything I get told off for having g a glass of Prosecco that lasts all day at Xmas!

Can you link to the research that shows this please?

Can you explain all the PPs saying they had sips of alcohol while young but barely touch it as adults? Perhaps becoming an alcoholic has more to do with other factors than having a few sips as a child?

Sounds like how we were parented back in the early 80s. Very retro!

That's absolutely reasonable. He cant do what he likes, maybe DH needs to talk to him about the bigger picture

Most children are not going to turn in to alcoholics because they had 2 sips of beer.
With child actors or whatever it's different as they are around alcohol at parties and often treated as if they are older than they are.
This wouldn't bother me at all. After all legally a child can drink in the home from age 5 under supervision. It was two sips, not two bottles.

I wouldn't be bothered, there's plenty of photos of me having a swig out of a can when I was little.

The alcohol was really irrelevant then - the issue is your FIL and that his judgement has proven to be untrustworthy. Based on the dog story I’d have never, ever left my child alone with him though…

Yes I think that explains it.

I see it the other way, he's taking away the excitement and mystery of alcohol. I grew up in a pub and was allowed to try anything when I was younger than 8. When my friends thought it was exciting to get hold of alcohol as young teenagers I wasn't interested. In my 70s and tee total.

I remember having diluted red wine as a child in France. But I now have a problem with alcohol so there we are...