Page 4 | To ask...Do kids always see through Disney Dads in the end??

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 2025-09-07T20:56:53+00:00

My recent ex, who has already missed the majority of our kids lives cos of his job, has made the not unsurprising, but disappointing decision, to permanently live 3hrs away from his kids. He will have them every other weekend (as much as work allows) thus leaving me to do all of the actual parenting, whilst he just does fun weekends twice a month and has a much bigger budget for frivolities such as days out and holidays. I personally cannot understand how someone can be ok with seeing so little of their kids but that i suppose is besides the point for this discussion. I am 100% onboard with putting the kids first and not airing my frustrations when they may hear etc and I want them to have a good relationship with their dad purely for their self -esteem (daddy issues are good for no one 🫣) But equally I feel strongly that he doesn't deserve a good relationship with them due to him constantly choosing himself first. I believe he will pay what he is supposed to pay and he will see them reasonably regularly, but he will also not think too much of cancelling on them if something he would rather do comes up and he always justifies missing time with them for work, cos well, money. My kids are currently 6&8....those of you who have had similar scenarios, whose kids are now 18yrs+...what does it look like now? Do they have good relationships with them or have they figured it out for themselves? If they have, how has it affected them?

PleaseWait · 07/09/2025 22:52

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 07/09/2025 22:43

I can imagine the would be a real kick in the teeth. 😔 How long has it been? Has anything changed with them living there?

Show quote history

After about a year DF (and wife/OW) realised they didn't really want our DC full time. (OW’s DC’s didn't live with them either).

DF ‘gave’ our DC a house, so by 18, DC was living independently, close to them.

DC still does, now 23.

stayathomer · 07/09/2025 22:49

But do you really want them to ‘see through it’? People can be shit partners and not in any way ideal parents but if they give enough that the child isn’t questioning their love, why would you want any different? I have two friends with dads who are now deceased and both were fine with the sporadic ness of their dads until their mums made them question it (both told the child basically what a piece of work their dad was) In one case it led to a showdown and going nc before the dad died. That person will never be the same. The other kept contact but was always looking for signs of love until again her dad died.

Original poster

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 07/09/2025 22:48

UnreasonablyUpset3 · 07/09/2025 22:39

I don't know about how boys end up feeling about their disney dad's.... but for me, it wasn't until I had my own children that I realised my dad was a Disney dad. As a child I thought he was amazing.

I'm a single mum and he has told me in the past he knows he did his absolute best by us.... but I think ita fairly easy to be a good parent if you only see them twice a month 😅.... if I saw my children 4 days a month I can guarantee I would be an amazing mum. Everytime he had us as kids he would take us to out cousins or have our cousins over.... nice memories looking back but the reality is he didn't want to parent us so the cousins were a distraction

It also irks me that he only paid my mum £10 per child for me and my Dsis per week. He owns his own property which he managed to buy because my step dad provided for us.

I'm NC with both my parents but I can really see why my mum disliked my dad when we were children.

Oh boy, he is the exact same with the cousins. He has the advantage of multiple cousins on his side the same age as ours and some older teenagers. It's quite obvious he mostly hangs around with his siblings whilst the kids entertain themselves, often supervised by the older ones.

OP posts:

Original poster

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 07/09/2025 22:44

TeaAndBrie · 07/09/2025 22:21

DD18 had a Disney dad. He would see her EOW and occasional holidays.
he never once took her to school, did homework or any normal parenting stuff.
he would very much arrange her around his life.
DD didn’t get on with step mum.
last year DD turned 18, spoke with her dad and explained why she didn’t want to stay at his house anymore but she still wanted a relationship with him.
things have gone hideously bad, she’s not seen him since January despite trying. He is blaming her for everything and calling her ungrateful.
she is so incredibly hurt and confused how he can let her go so easily when she has told him she still wants a relationship with him.
i wish more than anything I could have protected her from his and done more to stop him being able to hurt her so badly.
not all dads are the same but if you can stop them going down that path of hurt and daddy issues then please try

That's what worries me the most, but I don't know how you stop it? You can't force them to be the parent our kids deserve. 😔

OP posts:

Original poster

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 07/09/2025 22:43

PleaseWait · 07/09/2025 22:37

One of mine decided at 16 to leave home to live with him.

I think there is something attractive about the absent parent. Kind of ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, less reality more mystery and in our case a real need to please and be part of dad’s life.

Very tough to deal with.

I can imagine the would be a real kick in the teeth. 😔 How long has it been? Has anything changed with them living there?

OP posts:

UnreasonablyUpset3 · 07/09/2025 22:39

I don't know about how boys end up feeling about their disney dad's.... but for me, it wasn't until I had my own children that I realised my dad was a Disney dad. As a child I thought he was amazing.

I'm a single mum and he has told me in the past he knows he did his absolute best by us.... but I think ita fairly easy to be a good parent if you only see them twice a month 😅.... if I saw my children 4 days a month I can guarantee I would be an amazing mum. Everytime he had us as kids he would take us to out cousins or have our cousins over.... nice memories looking back but the reality is he didn't want to parent us so the cousins were a distraction

It also irks me that he only paid my mum £10 per child for me and my Dsis per week. He owns his own property which he managed to buy because my step dad provided for us.

I'm NC with both my parents but I can really see why my mum disliked my dad when we were children.

MonsterBoo · 07/09/2025 22:38

No they don’t

PleaseWait · 07/09/2025 22:37

One of mine decided at 16 to leave home to live with him.

I think there is something attractive about the absent parent. Kind of ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, less reality more mystery and in our case a real need to please and be part of dad’s life.

Very tough to deal with.

ratatouille99 · 07/09/2025 22:32

Usually, yes. The novelty of going bowling, gifts and takeaways wears off. Especially when they get older and just want advice about a breakup, an issue with a friend, a personal problem etc. I used to love getting gifts from my parents, but as I got older I appreciated the closeness and conversation. I appreciated the lifts to my hobby and the effort my parents made with my friends or boyfriends. I didn't have a Disney dad, but my son has one. The novelty really does wear off.

lola006 · 07/09/2025 22:31

I had a Disney dad. When you’re 10 and going to cinema and eating out with dad while mum makes you do homework and chores it’s obvious who is more fun….but yes, I eventually saw through it. I was a teenager when it became clear and now as an adult with my own DC I’m just in awe of my mum and what she did for us (and I tell her this frequently!).

Snakemum2 · 07/09/2025 22:28

My DD is 15, we separated when she 10. He has been less than a Disney dad tbh, definitely fits her in around his busy life.

He pays child support and does send her cash occasionally but only see her 3 times (5 days in total) in the last 2 months. It’s piss poor but she loves him and still wants to see him. I think she will realise in time though

Hibernatingtilspring · 07/09/2025 22:24

It's not just that the children see through them, they don't have the same relationship with them. My dad was a EOW dad, many of my friends were the same. It meant he wasn't there for the tough times, so we aren't close. Especially as in teenage years the weekends lessened because I wanted to do my own thing.
My relationship with him as an adult is cordial, but it's more like the relationship id have with an uncle or family friend than a dad. Just as he only did the good times, I'll only share general chat about good things - he doesn't know that much about my life because he wasn't around, and I don't feel the need to tell him anything.

TeaAndBrie · 07/09/2025 22:21

DD18 had a Disney dad. He would see her EOW and occasional holidays.
he never once took her to school, did homework or any normal parenting stuff.
he would very much arrange her around his life.
DD didn’t get on with step mum.
last year DD turned 18, spoke with her dad and explained why she didn’t want to stay at his house anymore but she still wanted a relationship with him.
things have gone hideously bad, she’s not seen him since January despite trying. He is blaming her for everything and calling her ungrateful.
she is so incredibly hurt and confused how he can let her go so easily when she has told him she still wants a relationship with him.
i wish more than anything I could have protected her from his and done more to stop him being able to hurt her so badly.
not all dads are the same but if you can stop them going down that path of hurt and daddy issues then please try