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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

EXH Got Remarried

108 replies

wakeupsmelltheroses · 07/09/2025 21:14

Hi All,

I just wanted to ask your opinions on my situation and will keep it as factual as possible.

Together 24 years married 18

Divorce took 6 years and very stressful

EXH said didn’t want another serious relationship due to costs and stress of Divorce

I have 3 grown up children in their 20’s

Anyway last year since DD graduation we have had a good relationship. Purely platonic and friendly messaging now and then about events and seeing how each other is . All innocent no flirty messages etc .

So a few days ago EXH messaged to ask how I was good BH weekend etc . Then proceeded to say had a bit of news and had got married about 9 days beforehand. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I knew perhaps there was someone in his life but still …

He did not inform his adult children he was getting married as he said he didn’t tell anyone as he knew he couldn’t please everyone so did it after instead .

My Aibu is of course he didn’t need to let the children know it’s his life just let it go

or He is being unreasonable he should of let the children know he had from January till August when he got engaged then remarried (he didn’t tell the children who only met her once at a dinner for DD 21st who didn’t know she was coming at all )

Thank you

OP posts:
Suntree32 · 07/09/2025 21:30

sunnyday2025 · 07/09/2025 21:16

That is a shit thing to do to his DC and a shock for you. What is it with these men?!

I agree. They might be adults, but not even telling them is terrible. I was incredibly sad when my parents divorced in my early 20s, but for a parent to do such a major thing without even mentioning it seems so odd.

PrawnAgain · 07/09/2025 21:29

wakeupsmelltheroses · 07/09/2025 21:25

Well of course they are upset about it .

It just feels very sneaky , selfish cowardly behaviour but that is my opinion

No family members on his side went to the wedding . It’s all a bit bizarre!

It sounds like they eloped. It's not really that bizarre, a lot of people do it.

It's literally nothing to do with you. It's a bit rubbish for the kids but they are in their 20s so surely they can raise it with him themselves if they want to.

Original poster
wakeupsmelltheroses · 07/09/2025 21:25

Well of course they are upset about it .

It just feels very sneaky , selfish cowardly behaviour but that is my opinion

No family members on his side went to the wedding . It’s all a bit bizarre!

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/09/2025 21:24

Yeah agree, what do your kids think? Do they really care?

I wouldnt personally care, i'd stop messaging him but wish him and his wife the best and just be there for the kids. No reason for you to have any issue with it, but might be weird to keep in touch x

Astrak · 07/09/2025 21:23

I agree with AbzMoz.

Rightandwrong · 07/09/2025 21:21

How have your children taken it OP?

AbzMoz · 07/09/2025 21:20

Kindly - it largely makes no odds if he was unreasonable or not. It’s not your role to mediate if the kids should’ve been invited informed or whatever, and getting involved will likely only lead to upset. You might inwardly think (and I’d agree) it’s a bit shitty, but it’s also now done. It’s up to exH to manage his relationships with his kids.

sunnyday2025 · 07/09/2025 21:16

That is a shit thing to do to his DC and a shock for you. What is it with these men?!