EXH Got Remarried

An ex boyfriend’s father did this to his adult children (all in their 20s). I was with them the day they found out and they were gutted. It created a shift in their relationship with their father that, 20 odd years later, remains (still friends with ex and he still occasionally mentions it.) Leave your exh to clean up his mess, and just be there for your kids in case they feel upset or angry. Your ex is a fool, but it’s his problem, not yours. You owe him nothing re repairing any relationship damage caused. He has to do that himself.

I agree you need to sort this out.

Wife No2 is now his next of kin and entitled to everything in the event of his demise. You need to protect your childrens' interests.

It’s usually that same lack of care that allows them to not prioritise the well being of their family over their own wants (not needs). My ex doesn’t have empathy so he never felt bad about not telling our children or that they found out by other means. Absolutely shocking behaviour from a grown man. That wife eventually divorced him, no doubt she too realised he has no empathy (no kids thankfully). Men like my ex should be banned from relationships, no one ever thrives in them, while they just merrily carry on regardless, no remorse, no feelings of shame or embarrassment.

That is a shitty thing to do, regardless of your children's age. You are meant to be able to trust your parents, he has just shown them that he is capable of sneaking around behind their backs and that they are nowhere near his top priority. He is, and his new wife is. I don't understand at all why a parent would want to inflict those kind of feelings on the own children. Parents are supposed to want to protect their kids from feeling unimportant regardless of age, actively hiding something this big from them is only going to make them feel emotionally unsafe.

My ex did the same. Didn’t tell his own children (who were about 12 and 14 at the time). They found out by accident. To say I was disgusted by this is an understatement. (He’s now divorced, yawn, no surprises there).

If adult DC are upset let them raise it with him themselves. It's poor behaviour not to tell them ahead of the wedding even if he didn't want to invite them. In their position I'd choose not to see him again. Stop messaging him.

The last part didnt show on my phone. So they knew he was seeing someone and had met. That's somethign at least. I do think it would have been decent thing to do to inform the kids that he was this seriously seeing someone and felt them know they were planning on eloping. Even if they didn't tell the exact date. But sounds like the whole relationship is slightly odd.

My bf's dad got married and hadn't even told my bf he was dating. One day he came to his dad's for the weekend and he introduced his new wife who now lived in his house.

Did the children know he was seriously dating someone? Had they met?

I think it was a rotten thing to do, not telling the kids until after. It seems they weren’t aware that their dad was in a serious relationship at all!

Betting his reaction would be vastly different if the kids get married without saying a word until after.

Only if she’s much younger than him. And he’s completely taken leave of his senses!

Both my parents remarried and didn't tell anyone until after it. It really wasn't a big deal.

If he wants to ruin his relationship with his kids then that’s on him. It’s also not on you to facilitate him getting back into their good books so please don’t fall for that. Best to have a clean slate now. Leave him to it. Don’t engage.

The kids are adults, and it not your business any more what he does.

He’s moved on.

I am sorry, especially for the children. My dad did this, and even invited my cousins, but not me and my brothers. I never forgave him.

If there were no children then fine but to not tell your children you’re getting married is pretty unacceptable. You should be glad that you’re rid of someone who would do that but I hope yours children are ok.

This. The kids are adults, presumably with independent lives.

he’s entitled to get married, and lots of people elope purely to get out of the family drama.

the kids can speak to him if they are upset, although I don’t think they have reason to be as it doesn’t impact their lives in any meaningful way.

There will be baby news next.

On the first anniversary of my godmother's death, her husband married her best friend. And then wondered why his daughters were upset.

Men do some weird things.

Not everyone lives so close as to go to every event and not everyone wants to. How will an adult attending a family event affect them profoundly. They just have to be civil and polite. Their relationship is with their Dad , they are not little children. I am not affected by various steps and disliked family members attending large family events. Is a disliked or unknown partner of an adult child going to profoundly affect the parents .These are adults we are talking about and should have adult relationships with each other. My parents profoundly disliked their 1st DIL but we're polite and managed to keep a distant but cordial. relationship. I don't understand how adult kids are so infantilised these days.

People can do whatever they want. But if they treat others as an afterthought, it's just fair that they are treated like that as well. I prefer to try to be thoughtful. Hopefully I'm building a mutually supportive relationship with my kids in the future.

Well it obviously would have been better that he told his children beforehand but they are all adults, they can tell him how they feel about it. If I were you I'd stay out of it, cut back on contact with him and let him get on with it.

Yeah and the fact so many people can’t seem to see what is wrong is alarming.

This exactly