EXH Got Remarried

No, but her later post did.

It's not hard to 'see all' of the OP's posts before commenting, even when it isn't realistic to have read every post on a thread.

@wakeupsmelltheroses it's shockingly selfish behaviour from him. It's almost like he's embarrassed by what he's done but doesn't have the communication skills to explain himself to his children so instead he just hides away and pretend nothing has happened. This must be so confusing for your kids, regardless of their ages. Just be there for them, listen to them and let them know that you are someone they can speak to about anything.

They are adults so their relationship and what they think about what he has done is between them, it is nothing to do with the op

It isn't nice but even adult children can be upset when their Dad in their eyes replaces their Mum and we have no idea how they behaved towards her when they met, it might have been the exH trying to prevent drama before his wedding. A lot of people are aboidant and the fact that the OP states he said he wouldn't marry again etc.. might make a new serious relationship quite difficult to hear. I think the OP is too enmeshed in this , her children are adults the issues with their Dad are to be sorted between those adults there is no reason for OP to meddle, perhaps this is what lead him to not tell them.

The OPs original post didn’t mention anything about the wedding just that he told everyone afterwards.

maybe wrong to assume it was an elopement.

Its a pretty shitty thing to do to his kids not telling them or inviting them but that’s up to the grown up kids to speak to him about how they feel and nothing to do with his ex wife.

Maybe the new wife doesn't like his children? At that one meeting maybe they weren't very nice to her. I have been in those shoes. OP's XH was possibly just keeping the peace as it does tend to be the brides day. Just a possibility.

They don't have to know what difference will that make , are they going to disapprove if they don't like her? His ex seems very invested perhaps he didnt want them all damaging his new relationship and chance to be happy

Who his kids have met once!

And that was a surprise too

It's not so much how he got married, it's the fact that they don't know her!

And to just bring her along to meet them once at a celebration with no warning is very odd too

I’m wondering if this is partly cowardice on his part? He didn’t want to risk his childrens’ disapproval or be swayed by their opinions beforehand so he just went ahead then it was a fait accompli? I don’t agree with what he did, not at all but could this provide some kind of explanation or not? He obviously puts his own happiness ahead of anyone else’s!

Eloping is being shitty and sneaky and sly?

Piece of arse…she’s his second wife.

That’s terrible, how could both of them not see how appalling this was? Poor daughters, I bet they have struggled to forgive this.

Whilst I can emphasise with someone who is feeling a certain type of way by their ex getting remarried, it still doesn’t make it any of their business

That is so misogynistic his new wife may have a much larger estate than him and nay not have children. It's not the ex or the children's money it's his and as he is married he shares the estate with his current wife. How come the whole will thing presumes in some way that his estate is the larger one and hiw dare his new wife inherit anything. She could have far more money and leave it all to him and then it goes to his kids. any of my career orientated friends earn far more than their husbands.

First of all if they eloped and didnt tell anyone then I think he didnt have to tell anyone as everyone is adults, however if others were at the wedding the adult children should have been invited. Secondly no 24 years or not they are divorced and there are no minor children there is no reason to communicate with or tell the ex anything. The relationship is between the father and his adult children any obligations ended with the divorce and the children reaching adulthood many divorced couples in this scenario don't communicate and thirdly it would be a hell of a cheek for the ex wife to approach him about his will. If the adult children have concerns they can discuss it with him. In the end its his estate and he can leave it to the children, his wife or a charity.The expectation that an ex wife can talk to her ex about his will really disgusts me in it's sheer cheeky fuckery.

I think it was a horrible way to behave towards his Dc, and will affect their relationship for the future.

Doesn’t sound as if they will be invited or expected to spend Christmas with him, or that he has thought about them continuing to be close to him as he grows older.

It happens all the time. Men get a new woman and all consideration about any other relationships, out the window.

If he is like my friends Dads who have behaved like this he will now neglect to make a new Will and his house, savings, everything will go to new wife if anything happens to him, and then she will leave it to her own Dc. After all… she has no meaningful relationship with his Dc.

Anyway, for now, of course they are upset to have been excluded from even the knowledge of something so significant in his life and his not wanting them to have been part of it.

His loss.

My mother in law married someone after just a few months of relationship. We literally met the guy once and, while she did invite her sons, the wedding was announced so abruptly that we couldn't get back from a holiday (two other sons did make it). His children didn't show up, they were in total shock.
The first few years were fine, I guess mostly because the guy lived and worked away. Once he retired to our city and her house it became clear how little they had in common. I just couldn't summon the sympathy to listen to her complaints about him when it was clear that there was nothing really wrong with the man, they just made a huge mistake to get married.

He is an adult and doesn’t need to run anything by anyone. He got married, so what? Do the ‘kids’ even care?

Why do people not read the thread before commenting? The OP said it was a big wedding with all the brides side invited.

It really is. The OP had a 24 year relationship and has young adults she's shares with this man. A short chat, a heads up would be totally normal. I was unexpectedly devastated when my ex remarried it just felt so very very final even though I had left him. Our dc were very unsettled. and worried that he'd move on and leave them totally. Saying it has nothing to do with the OP shows a marked lack of empathy.

YABU

He's not your husband any more. Your parental responsibilities no longer link you - these can be administered directly with adult children.

He does live rent free in your head, what does that say, you regret the divorce but don't want to admit it?

Move on

What a dick. Not as regards you (though a heads up would have been courteous), but as regards his adult children. I’m not sure there’s any coming back from that.

Seems weird if it was a big wedding and her family there

why wasn’t his kids there or his family siblings /parents etc

different if eloped but he didn’t

What business is it of yours? I have to assume that if the divorce lasted 6 months and was at the time enough to put him off relationships for life, that was mostly or entirely your fault.

He’s not your husband any more, your children are adults. It’s totally up to him who he tells and who he doesn’t. Frankly, I’m surprised he told you. In fact I’m surprised he still speaks to you.