To think most men are filthy losers

Thanks Dad

No, I’m not into this sorry.

Some men are real dickheads. But some women are real dickheads.
You can’t go round thinking most men are filthy losers.
Some are pervs and some have done horrible things.
But I have had some lovely friends who are men and my ex bosses were men, they were wonderful to work for an easier to deal with than female bosses I have had. I find men easier to make friends with. I’m aware this is mumsnet sin but I’m not a man’s woman or anything like that. I’m just not into bitchiness and drama that comes with some groups of women. It may be a mass generalisation but has proved itself true time and time again.

I have a partner and our relationship isn’t plain sailing, if we split up I’d only be interested in ‘fuck buddy’ scenarios which may sounds shallow or like a man’s mentality, but aren’t we aiming towards being equals?

When they are little we can guide them ,we can stop them hitting their sisters and control their anger .
When they get bigger and head to secondary school ,their peers have more influence and society has more influence..
Porn is everywhere now
Before it was on a top shelf you had to be adult to see
Now children can access it ..
Mums can only do so much

Where are you all encountering these men? Bloody hell!!
I'm 51 and this behaviour is alien to me. I know there are really vile men out there, they exist, but listening to you all it appears that every man you have ever met is an abuser.
Ya'll need to change your circle.

Not every single case. I mean every single year it was the mother that was most likely to abuse. Obviously it's probs because the mother is most likely to be the primary carer and suffer from the resulting mental health issues - PND, general stress etc.

But it does highlight a commonly observed factor where people always look for a reason if a woman commits a crime. If it's a man it's because he's evil, if it's a woman she must've been suffering poor mental health etc.

In reality, I don't think the sexes are all that different. Outside of comparatively rare instances of serious criminality I don't find women to be any nicer than men in general. They're just different. Men are much more likely to sexually harass or make lewd comments but every time I've started a new job or attended a new exercise class and been made to feel unwelcome by a 'clique' sort of dynamic it's always women. There's loads of threads about it on here.

It seems to be well documented in studies too. For instance, the vast majority of studies on the topic have shown that women would rather have a male boss than be managed by another woman, and they feel even more strongly about it than men. Also, men collaborate better than women. The study I saw on here concluded that a man and a woman will usually collaborate better than two women will. Also that women are less inclined to help another woman the more senior she is to them at work.

So I just don't believe the sisterhood stuff. A small proportion of men are violent and they mainly direct it at other men, which is why it doesn't really seem to be misogynistic in nature for the most part. But women aren't angels. There's a lot of double standards at play.

But I can totally see why somebody that's experienced DV would be wary of men. It makes sense, just like how a lot of the people complaining about immigration are those that live in areas with high numbers of asylum seekers. Most women don't like sexism in any form. And the biggest metastudy of DV to date found that both sexes perpetrator DV for similar reasons. Also that 70% of 'one sided' DV is perpetrated by women, but the majority is bi-directional with men causing the most injury.

sorry but your post is blatantly sexist, misandrist and probably explains the toxic environment being fuelled towards men. Young men dont stand a chance with these sorts of terrible attitudes

You do know what incel stands for? Involuntarily celibate. The bile that comes from those men is because they can’t attract women and they are angry at being rejected as they see it.There is no indication that any women posting here are involuntarily celibate, that they feel rejected by men. Nothing at all that I can see. Misogyny is men’s dislike and prejudice against women. It doesn’t cover women not liking men.

We live in a human zoo. If David Attenborough tv programme took a close look at group male behaviour most women would be horrified another results. Most men would be unsurprised. We really are just naked apes and the veneer of civilisation is thin.

The girls started talking amongst themselves and eventually to us. He was devious and clever and so much came to light. It’s undeniably true and his whole life was set up to give him access to our girls with enough plausibility and deniability that even when a couple of the girls had said things as toddlers we had rationalised it. There is so much guilt on our part as his daughters. He never touched us. We believed the girls immediately once they disclosed, they are all teens/adults now, but there’s always that feeling that we could have/should have realised and stopped it.

You’ve just met ones that hide it well.

The things I found out about my ex, my current husband, even my dad after his death have been vile. These were all men who present as “the good ones.”

None of them are and that pains me to say as the mother of a son.

The only thing I find heartening these days is that even more young women want no part in it.

Does this make any other mothers of boys sad? And people wonder why women experience gender disappointment when they are having a boy. When they are a baby people always say 'it doesn't matter, there's no difference between having a boy or a girl' Then you read this thread and apparently once our boys reach adulthood they should be castrated and it would be better if they didnt exist.

And no I am not denying at all that some men do terrible things, but the generalisation here is horrible.

So do a lot of other people. But they’re not necessarily going to know if the males in their life are the type that watch extreme pornography, take part in anonymous gang rapes, queue up round the block to pay for 5 minutes with Bonnie blue or Lily Philips, visit brothels, involved with grooming gangs, bestiality, etc.

The (anonymous) person/ people involved in the violent sexual assault of 75 year old stroke victim Valerie Kneale is still roaming around.

David Fuller (convicted murderer and necrophile) went undetected for a long time and managed to get a job in a hospital where he filmed himself in mortuaries abusing the deceased.

The list of depravity in this world is endless and people know / are related to the perpetrators.

This is something me and a few friends have talked about quite a lot recently. We cam to the conclusion a lot of men would shag a barbers floor if they could.

I think men and woman are very different in the way they feel about and see sex. I think men see sex as quite transactional whereas woman are more interested in feelings and the emotional side of it.

I fell across some article about woman using testosterone i then went and done some more reading about it because it made me wonder - some woman are using it by rubbing it on their genitals and most of them report their sex drives goes through the roof at the time of using it. I do think men who have normal or higher testosterone levels must feel like this all the time which drives their sex drive which is why i think a lot of them would shag a barbers floor.

There is no need for crudeness or innuendo - i think some of these men are just trying to be funny in a way men joke.

As for the ones who wank together or video themselves etc. that's just vile... they need their cock cut off for that.

YABU for thinking “most men are filthy losers.”

YWNBU for thinking most men are far more governed by sex than the average woman.

I wonder if the rise in OLD hasn’t helped.
Like on any social media we’re able to hide behind a screen with no culpability. They don’t know you and you can judge them but what real world repercussions are there actually going to be? You didn’t bite at their lude suggestions…ah well, swipe on and try again.

I hear you. My phone is currently blowing up with a 45-year-old who poses as a 40-year-old on Tinder. He will occasionally pop up on WhatsApp and suggest we have sex. I humour him, but it will never happen. Another much older male friend will drop in comments about his previous dirty weekends with various partners - as if I'm meant to probe for further details.

Block the first one and end the friendship with the other one. Actually I can’t understand why you haven’t done this already.

OP, you sound lovely.
I'm sorry things have been so hard for you.
In my long married life I have not had this experience but reading MN I do not doubt you are correct.

I have 5 single friends in their 50's.
All look 10 years younger...(no children!!!)
They are super fit, look fabulous, with great figures.
They are professional women, very comfortably off, own homes, in a couple cases homes abroad too. Have had substantial inheritances.
Really lovely women to spend time with.

NONE of them have any interest in a partner.
They said online dating was grim so they didn't explore it.
I never asked but I wonder is it as you have written.
Many women as they age are ambivalent about sex unless they are hugely attracted to a man.

Any talk or innuendo would clamp many of us shut.
As for dick pics...🤢🤮.

Mind yourself and stay safe.
Wishing you well.

I don't know how anyone finds a good man these days. It makes me wonder if anyone is really that happy. I know of only a couple of married couples who seem to genuinely adore each other, but they are in their 70s. I really don't know how anyone makes it work now. One of my friends got married just in 2016 and it was like a race for her to do so as she wanted kids. From everything she says to me, she and her husband aren't compatible. She constantly moans about him and his behaviour. I just don't get relationships. I'm no good at them despite my best efforts.

Does this not suggest it isn’t always to do with how they are raised?

I was a teen/young female in the 90s/00s and it was pretty grim then. My mum was horrified when I told her what men were like (and she was young in the 70s ffs).

But it's wrong to say all men are like this. A good 20% are minging, probably another 15% are on the edge of it (I'm probably being naive as I always have been). There are lazy, feckless, selfish, abusive women too, though probably not to the extent of men.

There is a reason that we have an 'incel' culture now though. Women find this repulsive and these characteristics are no longer seen as masculine, but more pathetic and weak. That surely is a good sign?

@BurnTheWholeThingDown that is awful. How did it come to light?

I've had three big relationships, and dh (the 3rd) is not a filthy loser. But the other two: emotionally abusive, yes to the constant sexual innuendo, wanted to get me trapped in a long engagement, went completely violent when we split, thank goodness he was in a different country at the time. Next one a rather pathetic alcoholic who "needed me" - fuck knows what for. Not horrible, actually a half decent bloke, but had no qualms about just having me around for presumably sex and emotional support while he got on with fucking up his life.

Like most women I've had my fair share of men exposing themselves, rubbing their erections up against me, suggesting out of nowhere that we become fuck buddies, I've been belittled by my own family members, called a whore in public because I lived with my husband before we married, and actually beaten up by my brother. I consider myself lucky to have escaped far worse abuse from men, and a lot of that is because I've had a long relationship with my husband which has protected me somewhat, I am galled to admit.

The spectrum of violence against women, including emotional violence, is too large and too varied for most men to comprehend.

So how do we change it?

We’re their mothers and for the most part the ones raising them. I myself have a son (currently only 5 though) and I would like to think I’ll be able to raise him to see right from wrong from the get go.

However, I have 1 brother who is allowed to be a chauvinistic pig, even at uni when he had several girlfriends on the go my parents joked about it. My other brothers wouldn’t dream of this behaviour and are very respectful. How did the one get raised badly but the others were fine?

I screenshotted it as evidence. There's an upcoming court case for harassment. Or at least, I hope there will be. On this sex site, he wrote how he was looking for fat, blonde, mature women. That's what I am. So, I've been gathering evidence. When I told my lawyer about it, she ignored it. So, there's a good chance it's of no use at all. I have plenty of other stuff, though. Anyway, I don't want to get into all that. The man is awful on every level.

Well of course its no use, you sound completely deranged. Stop stalking your ex and saving images of his penis. He may be awful but have you considered that you are too?

I know good and bad people of both genders. To say most men are disgusting and awful is just misandry.

Yes quite. But many older women perform that function too.