Page 22 | To think most men are filthy losers

fightbackorriseabove · 2025-09-07T17:05:00+00:00

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour. I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry. I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex. Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them. I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages. Maybe I'm naïve. But it's been a real eye opener for me. I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness. I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile. How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it. It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down. Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

Original poster

fightbackorriseabove · 08/09/2025 09:55

Just look at all the stories on here about women going through shit. It's heartbreaking. One PP has said my thread is adding to the problem of harm being done to women. I'd like to think the opposite. I'd like to think that some PPs have had the opportunity to air their grievances and a chance to think about the situations they're in and hopefully seek some advice and support to get out of them.

To answer a few points -or maybe not, because I don't think some people read all my posts. The reason I looked up my ex wasn't to watch him wanking. I am building a case against him with my lawyer because he has been stalking me for years. I pressed charges, but the police were unable to find him! He skipped the country. He is now back in the country, and I am taking him to court. It would be outing if I wrote what he has done recently, but it is BAD. We're talking terrifying stuff and I can't believe I'm going through it.

For those who are victim-blaming. Shame on you. You're either blaming me for the type of men I go for and missing red flags, blaming me for "stalking my ex" online when I've given my reasons, or blaming me for being too polite when these men make their crude comments. It's disgusting. Yes, I wish I were more strident and assertive in my interactions, but many of them occur at work, some involve the husbands of friends, and others involve my neighbour... It's hard to have to go around defending yourself all the time. And I shouldn't be blamed for it. It's the man who makes the lewd comment who should be blamed. Not me, because I find it awkward to come up with a response, and I just want him to go away.

Men's jobs? We're all supposed to be grateful and let them get away with whatever the hell they want because they're the ones fixing the drains, building the houses, and working on the oil rigs? Is that right? Because they're physically more capable than us they get the green light to do what they want? Why are those jobs considered more important than the jobs that women traditionally take? Arse wiping, nursing, teaching, cleaning, social work? Is roofing more important than working in an old people's home? Yes, there are some jobs that not many women do. And there are some jobs that not many men do. So what? All these jobs are vital to a functioning society, and one shouldn't be held up as more important than another.

Saying you don't know any men like I describe is a pointless argument. I don't know any fentanyl users, but I know they exist. I don't know anyone who has sex with dogs, but I know it's online.

People's behaviour when it comes to the sex industry is a problem. And it's mostly men. It is up to both sexes to try and do something about it.

My having been abused by an ex in an absolutely terrifying way is not my fault. And shame on any PPs who have suggested it is.

Reporting a thread where people are expressing their genuine concerns about men? Ridiculous. You're ridiculous.

Here's some stuff that has happened just this week...

A friend's husband regularly sends memes to me about "pussies". This is because I like cats. He's made sure his wife knows about it. So, it's just "banter". I don't want to fall out with my friend.

Another friend, who is in a covers band, told me that they were going to sing "Black Velvet" but turned it into "Black Helmet" and said he bets that's what I'd like.

My neighbour told me he heard me masturbating through the window because I'm a screamer. He didn't.

A guy I supervise at work told me off about leaving the coffee machine plugged in overnight, saying it could cause a fire, and that this is why women shouldn't be in charge.

That is literally just last week. Which of these are my fault? Yes, I'm not very good at putting them straight and causing a scene. That much is true. I can agree with that. But these aren't men I'm trying to date. These aren't men I've encouraged in any way. These are men who use my politeness against me.

I'm the one who needs counselling and HRT? Yeah, sure. It's me. I'm the problem. I need to calm down and get my libido back and just join in with all the fucking fun, right?

OP posts:

WhereAreMyAirpods · 08/09/2025 09:55

Do any of you have sons? How do you feel about raising the next generation of "filthy losers", given that "most" men are disgusting creatures?

Gerardormikey · 08/09/2025 09:54

Moveoverdarlin · 08/09/2025 09:41

Me neither. I went to a big BBQ this weekend with some old friends, but lots of new couples and families there I had never met. But what I took away was how entrenched the Dad’s were in family life. They all knew the family logistics, gymnastics Tuesdays, PE days, school trips, teacher’s names and all but one did pick-ups / drops off most days. They were just hands-on decent blokes, doing nappy changes, wiping noses, the young kids nagged the Dad’s, just as much as Mums for stuff. I was pleasantly surprised. My DH is a hands-on decent guy, but in that circle every bloke was.

I can’t imagine any of them wanking on webcams. But then what the OP has described doesn’t resonate either…a username her ex uses? If I googled any of my ex partners (I would google their name, none would have usernames) I would get a boring linked in post about their approach to strategy and planning or a just giving page about a 10k run in 2012.

Maybe it’s the blokes you’re choosing.

Show quote history

My ex husband was one of those dads. He would put the children to bed and wank over men dressed as women on webcams.

You can’t tell anything from how someone behaves in public.

If you saw me and my husband at a bbq, he would be the one who was hands on as I’ve given up after over two decades as a SAHM (big age gaps). I refuse to do that shit now, I would have been eating burgers and getting pissed in peace forcing him to be the one parenting. You would probably have judged me as the awful one.

It doesn’t mean he’s a good man, he’s a bit of a prick behind closed doors. But you wouldn’t see that as he would be putting on a show of what a wonderful person he was to everyone else.

Appearances in public tell you nothing about a person.

LovelyLuluu · 08/09/2025 09:53

Petitchat · 08/09/2025 08:57

No, you might not necessarily know.
Some men (and wives) keep it quiet.

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I knew someone would say that.

I'd know.

GingerPower · 08/09/2025 09:53

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/09/2025 09:28

No, I’m not into this sorry.

Some men are real dickheads. But some women are real dickheads.
You can’t go round thinking most men are filthy losers.
Some are pervs and some have done horrible things.
But I have had some lovely friends who are men and my ex bosses were men, they were wonderful to work for an easier to deal with than female bosses I have had. I find men easier to make friends with. I’m aware this is mumsnet sin but I’m not a man’s woman or anything like that. I’m just not into bitchiness and drama that comes with some groups of women. It may be a mass generalisation but has proved itself true time and time again.

I have a partner and our relationship isn’t plain sailing, if we split up I’d only be interested in ‘fuck buddy’ scenarios which may sounds shallow or like a man’s mentality, but aren’t we aiming towards being equals?

This is my sentiment although I didn't want to say it.

I've always been fairly direct. It could be a product of the 'black and white' thinking associated with my ADHD/Dypraxia or it could just be how I am.

Either way, I rarely have issues with men. With women, however, I tend to think twice nowadays about giving an opposing opinion at work unless it's really necessary or I'm going to look bad if things go wrong. So many tend to get the hump and hold petty grudges. I honestly find working in the construction sector way less stressful than I did working in the legal sector. There was a thread about this a while back where loads of posters were agreeing that their female bosses in the legal sector were less supportive than the men and often had an attitude of "well, I made the sacrifices so you should too".

Female judges are also less lenient on women and the sentencing disparity favouring women starts to dissolve when the judges aren't male.

Winelondon · 08/09/2025 09:53

Worldgonecrazy · 08/09/2025 09:51

You only need to google the percentages of men using prostitutes, or wanking off to women being abused (aka porn), and the number of murders, and percentage of women abused, to know that a majority of men are utterly vile, though many hide it well. If you are lucky enough to find a good one (took me 50 years!) then rejoice and encourage them to do their best to help other men realise their behaviour is unacceptable.

I think the reason older women are reviled is because it’s the age many of us find our voices and speak out against these male behaviours.

I spent much of my youth wanting to be ‘that girl’, thinking I was being a feminist, wanting to be kind, etc. The internet has played a part in lifting the scales from my eyes- thank you Mumsnet.

so are you basically saying "most" men are depraved, abusive sex addicts? What a warped mindset you have

Worldgonecrazy · 08/09/2025 09:51

You only need to google the percentages of men using prostitutes, or wanking off to women being abused (aka porn), and the number of murders, and percentage of women abused, to know that a majority of men are utterly vile, though many hide it well. If you are lucky enough to find a good one (took me 50 years!) then rejoice and encourage them to do their best to help other men realise their behaviour is unacceptable.

I think the reason older women are reviled is because it’s the age many of us find our voices and speak out against these male behaviours.

I spent much of my youth wanting to be ‘that girl’, thinking I was being a feminist, wanting to be kind, etc. The internet has played a part in lifting the scales from my eyes- thank you Mumsnet.

aCatCalledFawkes · 08/09/2025 09:50

Bananarama2000 · 08/09/2025 09:14

I wonder if the rise in OLD hasn’t helped.
Like on any social media we’re able to hide behind a screen with no culpability. They don’t know you and you can judge them but what real world repercussions are there actually going to be? You didn’t bite at their lude suggestions…ah well, swipe on and try again.

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Yes this is so true. It like they are brave enough to ask questions they wouldn't dream of asking you to your face. Its so off putting though. It's nowhere near glamourous as my friends in LTRs think it is.

TheOtherAgentJohnson · 08/09/2025 09:48

Petitchat · 08/09/2025 09:32

I'm so sorry about the terrible news you and your family received. So devastatingly shocking.
I hope you can all recover

Speaking of your DH, I know what you mean "it matters to him in a way that I don't always understand"
Same here. In the past I had need of a psychiatrist. The first thing he asked me about was sex with my DH, which was good.

The psychiatrist explained that he always asked about sex first because it's so important in a marriage but can cause many problems if things aren't right.

I just thought fair enough, yeah I can see that.
But when I told DH, he was delighted and obsessed with this fact and started using it as a regular invite for sex.

"The doc said sex is important, so c'mon"
"We need to keep it regular for our marriage" etc etc.

I was honest and told him that was a complete turn off so he shut up.
But it just shows how different our views were over one simple sentence about sex.

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I wonder if it would have been the first question if your psychiatrist was female?

JHound · 08/09/2025 09:48

Jc2001 · 07/09/2025 20:20

You sound like a female equivalent of an incel.

Edited

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But incels want sex and partnership.

That person desires the opposite.

Unpaidviewer · 08/09/2025 09:46

Moveoverdarlin · 08/09/2025 09:41

Me neither. I went to a big BBQ this weekend with some old friends, but lots of new couples and families there I had never met. But what I took away was how entrenched the Dad’s were in family life. They all knew the family logistics, gymnastics Tuesdays, PE days, school trips, teacher’s names and all but one did pick-ups / drops off most days. They were just hands-on decent blokes, doing nappy changes, wiping noses, the young kids nagged the Dad’s, just as much as Mums for stuff. I was pleasantly surprised. My DH is a hands-on decent guy, but in that circle every bloke was.

I can’t imagine any of them wanking on webcams. But then what the OP has described doesn’t resonate either…a username her ex uses? If I googled any of my ex partners (I would google their name, none would have usernames) I would get a boring linked in post about their approach to strategy and planning or a just giving page about a 10k run in 2012.

Maybe it’s the blokes you’re choosing.

Show quote history

But even if they were, theyre not hurting anyone. I'd be upset if a video of myself made its way onto the Internet but I had a friend who was into that sort of stuff, and yes she was female.

godmum56 · 08/09/2025 09:45

I find this thread very sad.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 08/09/2025 09:42

I'm a 50 woman

In my life time along with the routine cat calling. Comments on boobs etc

I've had a dirty bastard uncle creeping on me every time I saw him. This prob started at age 9/10 and went on for years. No actual abuse but he creeped me out. He is now married to a Thai lady 30 years his junior.

A man stepped out in front of me in an aggressive way when I was 21 walking my dog. Luckily dog was a large German Shepard and saw him off. But he wasn't there for fun I'm sure.

Dd 14 was in way home from school in uniform. Man sat in front of her and started watching porn very obviously. It was an empty bus. Dd rang me and I told her to tell driver and sit near driver. He got off at the next stop.

Friends sister was choked and murdered after a few dates with an online dating man. This happened 15 odd years ago so was well before online porn became what it is now. Awful tragedy

These are only what I recall

I dont hate all Men I'm married to a decent one but they certainly are out there.

Moveoverdarlin · 08/09/2025 09:41

CaroleLandis · 07/09/2025 19:00

The level of vitriol towards men is off the scale!

I’ve never encountered any men like the op and those agreeing with her have.

Show quote history

Me neither. I went to a big BBQ this weekend with some old friends, but lots of new couples and families there I had never met. But what I took away was how entrenched the Dad’s were in family life. They all knew the family logistics, gymnastics Tuesdays, PE days, school trips, teacher’s names and all but one did pick-ups / drops off most days. They were just hands-on decent blokes, doing nappy changes, wiping noses, the young kids nagged the Dad’s, just as much as Mums for stuff. I was pleasantly surprised. My DH is a hands-on decent guy, but in that circle every bloke was.

I can’t imagine any of them wanking on webcams. But then what the OP has described doesn’t resonate either…a username her ex uses? If I googled any of my ex partners (I would google their name, none would have usernames) I would get a boring linked in post about their approach to strategy and planning or a just giving page about a 10k run in 2012.

Maybe it’s the blokes you’re choosing.

Winelondon · 08/09/2025 09:40

to be honest with this sort of appalling posting, this poster should be reported and banned from the site. I am sure if someone wrote same post about women, they would be instantly banned.

Gettingbysomehow · 08/09/2025 09:38

I joined an over 50s dating group and it was disgusting. All they wanted was sex. I got dick pics, invites to BDSM and swinging groups, it was just wall to wall filth. Nothing about long term relationships or looking for love or anything normal. It was just vile. I didn't stay long. I blame online porn mostly.

Yorkshiredolls · 08/09/2025 09:34

Thankfully I can say I don’t agree, not in my experience. There are so many good men out there. I know this is some men but I don’t believe its most men.

Granted I’ve been with my non sex l-crazed husband for 18 years but then men/boys I dated prior to that were decent guys, never been harassed by any of them. Porn never been a problematic presence in any of my relationships.

of course I can never know whats going on behind closed doors but I don’t recognise this in any of the men close to me either, in family or professional relationships. I have good friendships with many of my friends husband and partners, I’ve never witnessed them oggling me or others, just respectful men. Haven’t experienced my friends complaining of their husbands oggling or perverted ways. Noones cheated. We are all millenial/ gen X age.

AlertLimeZebra · 08/09/2025 09:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Winelondon · 08/09/2025 09:33

I genuinely find the comments on here by some posters appalling and disgusting. I cant believe the poster has written so much bile. just awful

Theoturkeyfliessouth · 08/09/2025 09:33

Why are most women still doing all the housework and child rearing and working if things are aiming towards being equal as above poster says
In my hobby group of 10 women ,they are all stuck with the cooking ,the cleaning the child raising..the man does something " to help " and thinks he deserves sex as a reward for looking after his own child for a bit .
If I knew then what I know now ,I would NEVER of got married or got in a relationship and lived with a man .
I had no idea the responsibility of the house kids cleaning cooking admin ..every fucking thing would be down to me ...I'm mid 50s and my girlfriend's all say similar ..

Petitchat · 08/09/2025 09:32

BurnTheWholeThingDown · 08/09/2025 08:57

My dad was the nicest kindest man I knew. Lovely bloke. Always polite and respectful. 300 people came to his funeral and everyone said the most wonderful things about him and his many years as a youth leader.

We found out a few months ago that he was a paedophile who abused young girls. All of our daughters (his grandchildren) and daughters of our cousins and family friends. All of the girls thought it was just them and he made it clear no one would believe them. The dominos only started to fall after he died.

We are all broken by this, and my faith in men is completely gone now (was already shaky and my dad was one of only a handful of men I thought were the good ones).

My husband is truly wonderful in a million ways, but he is also obsessed with sex. He's never horrible about it but it matters to him in a way that I don’t always understand. I think men are completely driven by their urges and most women just don’t really grasp what that means for many of them.

I'm so sorry about the terrible news you and your family received. So devastatingly shocking.
I hope you can all recover

Speaking of your DH, I know what you mean "it matters to him in a way that I don't always understand"
Same here. In the past I had need of a psychiatrist. The first thing he asked me about was sex with my DH, which was good.

The psychiatrist explained that he always asked about sex first because it's so important in a marriage but can cause many problems if things aren't right.

I just thought fair enough, yeah I can see that.
But when I told DH, he was delighted and obsessed with this fact and started using it as a regular invite for sex.

"The doc said sex is important, so c'mon"
"We need to keep it regular for our marriage" etc etc.

I was honest and told him that was a complete turn off so he shut up.
But it just shows how different our views were over one simple sentence about sex.

Rallentanda · 08/09/2025 09:32

I think the big turning point has been the internet. We can see inside men's brains and understand how they see women as subordinate and useful but not as real people. Absolutely textbook that so many men turn this round and make it women's fault somehow. Meanwhile the bestselling category of books is wholesome romance and fairy porn. Read the room guys.

I wouldn't look for another relationship with a man, I simply would not do that to myself. I know there are men out there who see women as equal human beings, but sadly there are so many who can pretend for a while and then show their truth. It wouldn't be worth the risk to my wellbeing and finances and happiness.

JustReal · 08/09/2025 09:32

Wow, I don't know what to say about this apart from you must have been hurt in your lifetime which has led you to this conclusion.

I can't agree at all as all the men in my life are the reason my life is so peaceful.

Like any gender, individual, situation etc there are variables which lean into the extreme, but they are not the norm.

On the flip side, women have been very vicious to me and to one another. They are horrible within the family as well as in the workplace.

They have given me more problems than men. But, I haven't yet come to the conclusion that all women are losers.

JHound · 08/09/2025 09:31

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

This is one of the things that makes me comfortable in singlehood - not having to have sex I don’t want to have (not even feeling any pressure to do so.)

GingerPower · 08/09/2025 09:31

Winelondon · 08/09/2025 09:25

sorry but your post is blatantly sexist, misandrist and probably explains the toxic environment being fuelled towards men. Young men dont stand a chance with these sorts of terrible attitudes

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Yeah, good luck calling a demographic 'filthy losers' then expecting them to stand up and challenge other men's misogyny. If I was a non-violent bloke I wouldn't be particularly keen to risk getting my head stamped on for somebody that openly despised me simply for how I was born. And I'd have no obligation to help either as I'm not responsible for the actions of other individuals.