Page 20 | To think most men are filthy losers

fishtank12345 · 08/09/2025 10:41

fightbackorriseabove · 07/09/2025 18:05

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry.

I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex.

Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them.

I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages.

Maybe I'm naïve.

But it's been a real eye opener for me.

I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness.

I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

You are not alone in feeling negative toward men. I do too but I know there must be some good ones. My dad is not a great man he is aggressive and regularly goes no contact with me , a narcissist. My step dad's have all been idiots( all 3 of them). My dh is a nice man but we have no marriage really due to all the stress of life and he is neurodiverse. Zero sex life, he has ED So... if anything happened to him id never ever...ever get into another relationship. I'd rather be on my own
That is unfortunate, I know.

usedtobeaylis · 08/09/2025 10:39

There's a difference between sex and sleaze, and men are increasingly sleazy. I just can't deal with it. I also grew up with an abusive, violent father. I was seriously sexually assaulted at 19, just after almost being raped at 18. I was in an abusive relationship in my 20s. My views of men are shaped by men. I was fortunate enough to be married to a really great and decent man and even so gender dynamics that weren't apparent before we had a child still became an ingrained part of life afterwards. It's tiring. Many women find it tiring and are opting out. I'm one of them. I will no longer be in relationships with men. I don't assume every man I meet is a dickhead because I know they aren't, but I also know the odds of one not being sleazy, abusive, aggressive or lazily gendered is slim.

The only people who can fix this, is men.

TheGodsOfTheCopybookHeadings · 08/09/2025 10:39

TempestTost · 08/09/2025 10:36

One thing I'd point out is there is in fact a whole porn industry directed at women, mainly created by women.

Just about the only way you have a good chance of making money now in publishing is writing highly sexualized pornography. Lots of stuff there as weird and disturbing as male pornography, lots of weird beastiality-adjacent stuff (sex with dinosaurs, sex with aliens, sex with werewolves.) Lots is rather violent.

The biggest genre now is Dark Romance with is full of hard core stuff, along with fairy type fantasy romance, it is hugely popular, it circulates constantly in libraries, a significant proportion of younger women who say they are big readers are reading that stuff. The new popular Dark Romance book, by the most popular author, they all want however hasn't been picked up by libraries and big publishers, because the main theme is child rape. (Apparently this is censorship and it's a "banned book." Oh dear cry me a river.)

Plus there are massive amounts of amateur fanfic on the internet which is largely sexual content.

It's not men reading or writing this stuff.

It was only a matter of time before the sickness spread to women too.

Humanity is going through a very dark age, and it will only get worse.

Onlythecrumbliest · 08/09/2025 10:38

CaroleLandis · 07/09/2025 19:00

The level of vitriol towards men is off the scale!

I’ve never encountered any men like the op and those agreeing with her have.

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if this is the case I think you've only met a handful of men in your life or you're wearing rose tinted glasses. I'm not being snarky, but the older you get the more you see this truth and it is unavoidable, unless there's a great resistance and unwillingness to admit it, which I totally understand. No one wants to believe it.

willitevergetwarm · 08/09/2025 10:38

If you're only getting "filthy" men with your "high standards" perhaps you should lower your standards and you could meet someone who isn't filthy.

I've never come across anyone like you describe in my 50+ years and I dabbled in OLD after my divorce many years ago.

I'm confused why you're googling your ex as evidence in a harrassment case, surely that is you harrassing him by googling him especially under a specific username.

I've also never googled someone and come across males masturbating so you must have known where to look to find it.

JHound · 08/09/2025 10:36

TrishM80 · 08/09/2025 09:57

Why is she on dating sites, then?! 😂

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Is she? I cannot see her post history. That post did not suggest she is.

Thebluespoon · 08/09/2025 10:36

I'm lucky in the sense that I have a great DH, we've been together since we were teens and he's never shown me to be anything other than lovely but since my DD has become a teen I really see a different side to men, a lot of them are absolutely disgusting and vile and see young beautiful girls as sex objects.

The things they have said to my DD both oneline and to have face make my skin crawl and the letchy looks they give her is just awful (and that's with me walking besides her!).

Vile creatures - not all but many.

Original poster

fightbackorriseabove · 08/09/2025 10:36

LovelyLuluu · 08/09/2025 10:26

Seriously, OP, you should consider therapy. At the very least to learn how to be assertive not passive.

You can't control other people, but you can control how you react and who you mix with.

The experiences you talk about here (if some are true- I don't believe the one about your neighbour saying he heard you masturbating) are not the norm.

I mean, truly, what kind of 'relationship' do you have with a neighbour that makes them think they can say that? Or send comments about pussies (not sure if you mean cats, literally, or not.)

Mine just talk about the weather, pot holes and which bin goes out today!

Either you're living in some parallel universe or there is something else going on which makes men think you're ok with those kind of behaviour.

You rant away here but in real life you clearly don't give out the same signals or men wouldn't behave like this with you.

I am honestly telling the truth about my neighbour. He IS an odd man. An artist who lives on his own, and over the years, yes... I've allowed this "banter" to happen. That's so true. Other things he's said have included that my hair is turning him on and that it's a shame I've put on weight because he can't see my tits anymore. This is all the truth. He really did say the thing about masturbating. I wouldn't make that up. But you're right. My boundaries are absolute shit. I've tended to play by the rule of "you can't shock me", in the hope that it would stop. I did the same a decade ago when a man said he wanted a blowjob at work. He wasn't asking me for a blowjob. I think he was trying to shock me. And I joined in. I didn't want there to be a power struggle, so I took a kind of "if you can't beat them, join them" attitude. And it doesn't work. It just eggs them on. I am definitely willing to accept that I do that. And yes, now that I think about it, it's a problem.

OP posts:

TempestTost · 08/09/2025 10:36

One thing I'd point out is there is in fact a whole porn industry directed at women, mainly created by women.

Just about the only way you have a good chance of making money now in publishing is writing highly sexualized pornography. Lots of stuff there as weird and disturbing as male pornography, lots of weird beastiality-adjacent stuff (sex with dinosaurs, sex with aliens, sex with werewolves.) Lots is rather violent.

The biggest genre now is Dark Romance with is full of hard core stuff, along with fairy type fantasy romance, it is hugely popular, it circulates constantly in libraries, a significant proportion of younger women who say they are big readers are reading that stuff. The new popular Dark Romance book, by the most popular author, they all want however hasn't been picked up by libraries and big publishers, because the main theme is child rape. (Apparently this is censorship and it's a "banned book." Oh dear cry me a river.)

Plus there are massive amounts of amateur fanfic on the internet which is largely sexual content.

It's not men reading or writing this stuff.

JHound · 08/09/2025 10:34

GingerPower · 08/09/2025 09:53

This is my sentiment although I didn't want to say it.

I've always been fairly direct. It could be a product of the 'black and white' thinking associated with my ADHD/Dypraxia or it could just be how I am.

Either way, I rarely have issues with men. With women, however, I tend to think twice nowadays about giving an opposing opinion at work unless it's really necessary or I'm going to look bad if things go wrong. So many tend to get the hump and hold petty grudges. I honestly find working in the construction sector way less stressful than I did working in the legal sector. There was a thread about this a while back where loads of posters were agreeing that their female bosses in the legal sector were less supportive than the men and often had an attitude of "well, I made the sacrifices so you should too".

Female judges are also less lenient on women and the sentencing disparity favouring women starts to dissolve when the judges aren't male.

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Female judges are also less lenient on women and the sentencing disparity favouring women starts to dissolve when the judges aren't male

If true….this is a good thing. I wonder if this is more evidence of women being less governed by their sex drives.

Onlythecrumbliest · 08/09/2025 10:31

I agree with you.

StormyPotatoes · 08/09/2025 10:30

LovelyLuluu · 08/09/2025 10:21

That comment, meant to put down a woman, makes you no different to the men that OP described. You're belittling someone's experience, saying they are wrong, have no judgement, etc etc.

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It’s not a put down- it’s just true. How in the world could you know, for certain, that every single man you interact with is an upstanding citizen behind closed doors. Do you think everything single man in the Pelicot case wore a big sign or is it more likely that some of them were perfect gentlemen in public life?

It doesn’t mean your friends are awful by any means - they may well be lovely - but you are very wrong to assume that you can know for certain.

AlertLimeZebra · 08/09/2025 10:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

placemats · 08/09/2025 10:27

"No-one is more arrogant towards women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his fertility". Simone de Bouvoir.

TempestTost · 08/09/2025 10:27

GingerPower · 08/09/2025 03:07

How many sex offenders have you helped put behind bars then?

Ever worked in construction or the waste industry? I can tell you first hand that none of the women that moan about male dominated industries actually want to do the hard graft.

Very few people have it easy nowadays, including men. If you're obsessing over crime stats then it usually means you're privileged enough to not have to worry about surviving day to day life, because nobody is worrying about being murdered when they can't put food on the table or are facing eviction.

The exception to this would be genuine survivors of sexual assault but usually it's just some middle class university educated white woman that thinks she's hard done by lol.

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.

usedtobeaylis · 08/09/2025 10:26

marnieMiaou · 08/09/2025 02:08

Are you saying 50% of women do not understand their own sexuality??

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The article isn't about 'understanding sexuality'. But if you want to go there - yes, many women don't understand how trauma can inform sexual behaviour, in exactly the same way many of us don't fully understand how trauma informs general behaviour.

Crazyworldmum · 08/09/2025 10:26

fightbackorriseabove · 08/09/2025 10:25

I think I have always had a good sex life. I enjoy it. Not so much at the moment, but I'm hoping it will come back. I like men, I fancy them, and one day, I'd like to give it another go. I'm not hate-filled. I can sometimes get a bit cross about things, yes. But I don't go around all day ranting about men. I've got too much stuff to do. I have some lovely men in my life.

I do accept that I should set better boundaries. But a lot of these posts do seem to be saying it's my fault. And I find that odd. And depressing. It's like saying, "Well, of course they're going to be like that! You need to be better prepared." That's wrong to me.

I go around in my life trying to cause the least harm to people that I can. I am kind, loving, and helpful. I want to expect the same of others.

I suppose I don't really have a problem with masturbation or consenting adults wanking online. When you put it like that, fine. Yes, none of those men were being forced to do it, and none of them were forcing people to watch. So, we should be grateful for that, at least. I do think it's a sorry state of affairs, though, and that the knock-on effects of porn are damaging us all.

I would like to find someone who respects me, doesn't want to get into sexting straight away, and with whom there's an emotional, loving connection. And then we can have amazing, fully consensual sex. Wouldn't that be nice?

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There is hope ! As I said there are still some few good ones . I do hope you find one

LovelyLuluu · 08/09/2025 10:26

Seriously, OP, you should consider therapy. At the very least to learn how to be assertive not passive.

You can't control other people, but you can control how you react and who you mix with.

The experiences you talk about here (if some are true- I don't believe the one about your neighbour saying he heard you masturbating) are not the norm.

I mean, truly, what kind of 'relationship' do you have with a neighbour that makes them think they can say that? Or send comments about pussies (not sure if you mean cats, literally, or not.)

Mine just talk about the weather, pot holes and which bin goes out today!

Either you're living in some parallel universe or there is something else going on which makes men think you're ok with those kind of behaviour.

You rant away here but in real life you clearly don't give out the same signals or men wouldn't behave like this with you.

JHound · 08/09/2025 10:26

GingerPower · 08/09/2025 09:27

Not every single case. I mean every single year it was the mother that was most likely to abuse. Obviously it's probs because the mother is most likely to be the primary carer and suffer from the resulting mental health issues - PND, general stress etc.

But it does highlight a commonly observed factor where people always look for a reason if a woman commits a crime. If it's a man it's because he's evil, if it's a woman she must've been suffering poor mental health etc.

In reality, I don't think the sexes are all that different. Outside of comparatively rare instances of serious criminality I don't find women to be any nicer than men in general. They're just different. Men are much more likely to sexually harass or make lewd comments but every time I've started a new job or attended a new exercise class and been made to feel unwelcome by a 'clique' sort of dynamic it's always women. There's loads of threads about it on here.

It seems to be well documented in studies too. For instance, the vast majority of studies on the topic have shown that women would rather have a male boss than be managed by another woman, and they feel even more strongly about it than men. Also, men collaborate better than women. The study I saw on here concluded that a man and a woman will usually collaborate better than two women will. Also that women are less inclined to help another woman the more senior she is to them at work.

So I just don't believe the sisterhood stuff. A small proportion of men are violent and they mainly direct it at other men, which is why it doesn't really seem to be misogynistic in nature for the most part. But women aren't angels. There's a lot of double standards at play.

But I can totally see why somebody that's experienced DV would be wary of men. It makes sense, just like how a lot of the people complaining about immigration are those that live in areas with high numbers of asylum seekers. Most women don't like sexism in any form. And the biggest metastudy of DV to date found that both sexes perpetrator DV for similar reasons. Also that 70% of 'one sided' DV is perpetrated by women, but the majority is bi-directional with men causing the most injury.

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It seems to be well documented in studies too. For instance, the vast majority of studies on the topic have shown that women would rather have a male boss than be managed by another woman, and they feel even more strongly about it than men.

We live in a patriarchy where sexism is the norm. Of course that response is to be expected. I am sure you will get similar responses if you asked people if they preferred bosses of a particular race. I am not sure people’s prejudices mean much.

Petitchat · 08/09/2025 10:25

LovelyLuluu · 08/09/2025 09:56

If you go looking for muck @fightbackorriseabove you'll find it.

It's a bit odd that you chose to spend time online looking at these men and what they were doing.

All it's done is convince you that all men are these types.

They aren't. You've just chosen badly and not sent them packing fast enough.

I think you ought to consider counselling because you're either attracting these types, without knowing it, and have developed an extreme opinion of men.

Ugh...
Victim blaming!

Original poster

fightbackorriseabove · 08/09/2025 10:25

Crazyworldmum · 08/09/2025 10:10

Sorry OP but you need at least counseling ! You come across as resentful and hate filled and while again I know lots of men are not good , lots still are .
Hey do you see anything sex related as bad anyway ? It’s seems like you have a bad relationship with sex in a whole ?

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I think I have always had a good sex life. I enjoy it. Not so much at the moment, but I'm hoping it will come back. I like men, I fancy them, and one day, I'd like to give it another go. I'm not hate-filled. I can sometimes get a bit cross about things, yes. But I don't go around all day ranting about men. I've got too much stuff to do. I have some lovely men in my life.

I do accept that I should set better boundaries. But a lot of these posts do seem to be saying it's my fault. And I find that odd. And depressing. It's like saying, "Well, of course they're going to be like that! You need to be better prepared." That's wrong to me.

I go around in my life trying to cause the least harm to people that I can. I am kind, loving, and helpful. I want to expect the same of others.

I suppose I don't really have a problem with masturbation or consenting adults wanking online. When you put it like that, fine. Yes, none of those men were being forced to do it, and none of them were forcing people to watch. So, we should be grateful for that, at least. I do think it's a sorry state of affairs, though, and that the knock-on effects of porn are damaging us all.

I would like to find someone who respects me, doesn't want to get into sexting straight away, and with whom there's an emotional, loving connection. And then we can have amazing, fully consensual sex. Wouldn't that be nice?

OP posts:

Gerardormikey · 08/09/2025 10:21

ClawsandEffect · 08/09/2025 10:17

This is terrifying, as a parent, isn't it? You have that gorgeous baby, little boy, child. And do your very best to help him grow into a good person. And then this happens. Devastating.

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Yes. I really felt for her. She was a staunch feminist, finding out what her son was actually like behind closed doors made her ill. But she was blaming me for leaving her “perfect” son. To her and the outside world, he was perfect. So it was a shock when I was honest with her. I had all the proof too, so it wasn’t something I could have been accused of lying about.

I know my own son has done some awful things too. It’s horrible. But thankfully, none of him or his fiends can get a girlfriend. Young women these days seem to be a bit more clued up.

LovelyLuluu · 08/09/2025 10:21

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 08/09/2025 10:11

You think you haven't.

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That comment, meant to put down a woman, makes you no different to the men that OP described. You're belittling someone's experience, saying they are wrong, have no judgement, etc etc.

OnePoundPerWeek · 08/09/2025 10:19

Okay I'm going to get flamed here (Female before anyone asks) but is it not a case of women don't understand how it feels to have our level of testosterone but x 50 or 100 or whatever it is that men have.

I mean I'm quite sure men are baffled by our hormones and how they make us angry, cry at times etc

What I'm trying to say is yes I do find many of the things men do or enjoy shocking or 'vile' but that is because my genetic make-up is different and I have no idea what I would do if my testosterone was 100 times higher.

I know during periods when my sex drive has been higher (before and after periods and mid cycle etc) I do feel very distracted by it and have a desperate need to attend it. Since I've been single for many years now that just means masturbating in private to my imagination. When I was married it meant husband got accosted for sex which he happily helped with.

Now imagine that urge was there all the time and 100 times higher and I couldn't access sex (because lets be honest men don't have the same access to women that women often do to men). What would I be behaving like. Okay masturbating alot I guess and i think men do most days if they are not having sex but how distracting would it be.

Yes some of their behaviour to us is downright disgusting, vile and frightening and I do encounter this from time to time (and don't like it)

Most blokes I have seen/been involved with though are for the most part just trying to get through life the best they can. That's not to say they haven't done things that have made me feel shocked and disgusted because they have. However the point I am making is can we really judge them when we have never walked in their shoes testosterone wise.

Obviously this does not mean I support in any way rape, sex trafficking etc and I have to admit I find most online porn completely terrifying (thus I don't watch it)

All I'm saying is we complain men don't understand us and to a degree that statement is true cos how could they. They don't have the same hormones or urges we do. By the same token we can't know how it feels to have this strong urge for sex that just never goes away.

Sorry to anyone I have offended but I just thought I would offer another female point of view which might be more 'balanced'

ThatWasJustANoise · 08/09/2025 10:19

Muffinmam · 08/09/2025 10:11

A severely autistic child, a housing crisis and a cost of living crisis. There’s literally people living in their cars and tents in my suburb.

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So sorry you are living like this.