To be angry at ex hiding cancer diagnosis?

How dare you look at his post and then confront him about his diagnosis?

It's not about you ffs.

You’ve been massively out of order. Kids or not it’s none of your business

I found out almost by accident (snooping in his post while at his flat).

That was no “almost“

Ugh. That’s revolting behaviour. Wind your neck in OP.

His cancer is not about you.

Ahhh you’re the cheater that was jealous he wanted to start a relationship with a colleague after you’d been separated for two years.

Leave the poor man alone.

Snooping through his mail would be unacceptable even if you were still together let alone divorced !

You’ve invaded his privacy and are making it all about you. It’s the very essence of unreasonableness.

WOW! I hope you re read your post and have a serious deliberation on your behaviour! I am in utter shock someone can behave like this, you sound like a awful self centered person and I really feel for your ex!

What support did you offer him, why did you think it was OK to snoop?

Absolutely none of your business- he does not owe you or anybody else updates about his health. You owe him a massive apology for snooping.

None of your business and snooping is very low!

Please tell me this isn’t true. He has stage 3 cancer, is seriously ill, is self employed which can add a whole other level of concern and you not only snooped but are now prioritising yourself? I bet he’d glad you’re an ex!

And snooping!! You’re so UR, there’s no point even discussing it with you.

this is one of the worst posts I’ve ever read on MN.

People deal with cancer diagnoses very differently. Even if they are usually sharers, they can go into shutdown mode when they get a cancer diagnosis. Sometimes it's a privacy issue, sometimes it's because they want to process it themselves first before they discuss it with family and friends, others keep it to themselves because they're worried about upsetting, frightening or burdening the people they love.

I'm sure you're shocked by the news and worried about the impact on your children, but you were really very unreasonable indeed to go through your ex's mail. Whatever your feelings for yourself or your children, it is your ex's diagnosis and their choice whether or not to share it. You do not have the right to 'out' them or be cross with them for not sharing.

That poor man. He is being treated for cancer and you are making it all about you. Fucking hell. He didn't tell you his PERSONAL medical information. You stuck your ugly beak in and snooped. You are a total red flag zone. No wonder you are separated. I suspect "close and dependent" is shorthand for still having your toxic talons stuck in him It's a miracle he got away from a narcissistic control freak in the first place.

This has to be some sort of reverse. There is no way anyone can be as self centred as you to make this all about themselves.

If you are still close to your ex, I understand you might be upset he didn't want to tell you, especially if you are used to supporting each other and have kids in the mix who could be affected by this.

But, it is his choice how he deals with his illness.

If I were you, id apologise for going through his mail, tell him you will respect his wishes around how he deals with it, but you are there if he needs support and leave it at that.

TBH leaving aside how you found out, I do think having two kids together makes a difference. Surely both of your would want to jointly manage their knowledge and expectations of his illness.

Yes it doesn't sound right you 'snooping' through his mail, but maybe that's normal in your relationship if you're open about such things?

Snooping through post is a horrible invasion of privacy - doubly so when you uncover highly confidential medical information - why would you deliberately do that? You shouldn't have been prying, but even then when you saw the NHS logo at the top of the page you should absolutely have stopped and not read on.

People have a right to deal with their illnesses in whatever way they see fit and if he's not even told his family members then I'm not surprised he hasn't told you.

I imagine he's protecting his children and if he has a good prognosis maybe he is thinking that he will see out his course of treatment and wait to tell the children once he's got a positive update. Stage three prostate cancer has a 95% survival rate (or at least it did when I worked in that arena).

Does he tell you other intensely personal things about his life? It would only be odd if he usually did and this is the one thing he has omitted to talk to you about. But to be honest from your post you have made his illness all about you... sorry to be harsh, but I wonder if you have form for this, which makes his choice even more understandable.

Why are you snooping in his mail ?

YABVVU. He is your ex. You have no right to his confidential medical information, and breaching his privacy by nosing around in his post is deeply inappropriate. I can certainly see why you’re an ex.

Poor bloke. It’s up to him who he tells and I completely get it. I’ve had cancer and it’s awful telling everyone. Then people talk about you and basically act like you’re about to die.

I think if it happens again I’d keep it secret.

Wow can’t believe what I’ve just read. If I was your ex I’d be furious.