To be angry at ex hiding cancer diagnosis?

In your ex partners shoes I'd be wondering if I could take out a restraining order against you.

Snooping, confronting him about what you found out whilst snooping and making it all about you whilst the poor man is going through cancer treatment is appalling behaviour.

You should apologise to him but I doubt you will because you don't seem to think you have done anything wrong.

I share a child with my ex - he has absolutely no right on earth to know anything about my health status, financial status, employment status or anything else.

I think OP’s shock is that he’s clearly not ‘dependent’ on her as she’s posted in the OP. This OP has posted many times about not really being able to accept the separation. This has finally made it crystal clear.

I'm gutted he doesn’t want me to go through this with him.

Get over yourself, FFS. There's presumably a reason you're divorced.

Yeah this is giving bunny boiler vibes.

“I know he doesn’t believe it but he still means the world to me and I’m gutted he doesn’t want me to go through this with him”

Looking at the OP’s previous posts, it’s easy to see why her ex-boyfriend had trust issues anyway. Now she’s gone snooping through his post!

Yea, I can see why he divorced you.

If you meant the world to him he’d have told you. Not everyone wants to discuss serious medical issues with their ex or their family.

I remember your other threads OP and put simply this man doesn't trust you with this health information. It seems his instincts are correct that you're not a trustworthy person. Give him grace to deal with his health as he wishes in his own time and way.

I know he doesn’t believe it but he still means the world to me and I’m gutted he doesn’t want me to go through this with him.

Wow. Such narcissism.

I wouldn't tell mine either because he's not involved with the kids, and if anything happened to me my friend will be legal guardian.

But if it were a situation like the OP described where there is a very close co-parenting relationship then that is different and I would tell him and likewise expect him to tell me.

I’m actually terrified now that my ex has somehow found out about my surgery. And I’ve not told anyone except my DP. I haven’t told the kids the details - they know I’m having surgery that’s all - until there’s something to tell them I won’t be.

Jesus Christ how could anyone do this? It’s evil.

I'm appalled.

I really hope that you're going to keep this to yourself. Because if you tell anyone else in the family you'll be absolutely pond scum. And it will be the end of your closeness with him, if your snooping hasn't already done the job.

Thirded.

This is a reverse.
there is no way anyone with an ounce of care for someone would behave as Op suggests they have.
If it isn’t then it’s one of the most unpleasant threads I’ve read on here in 20 years.
my dh was diagnosed with cancer last year and I was devastated but obviously it wasn’t about me And my only concern was him and our dd.
Bless him , his only concern was for us
thankfully he has the all clear but never ever would any of us have behaved as op describes.

Seconded. And if the children are old enough to travel alone, not even that.

Exactly.

Imagine if I said

My ex has snooped my post and found out I’m having a total hysterectomy and my ovaries removed in a week and a half. I’ll have to have chemo and/or radio after depending on what they find and he’s posting all over the internet that he has rights and I should have told him.

YABU. This isn’t about you yet here you are making it about how you feel. It’s his body, his life, him going through it, he gets to decide who knows

I know he doesn’t believe it but he still means the world to me and I’m gutted he doesn’t want me to go through this with him.

In his shoes you wouldn't be going through this, my post, my home or anything else ever again. I would want nothing more to do with you on any level other than picking up and dropping off the kids.

What a silly comment. Why would anyone need to tell an ex their personal medical information. The kids are teenagers not little children.

It’s his diagnosis. It’s not about you, it’s not about how you feel or about whether you want to be part of it. He chose to go through it alone because that’s what he wanted, he doesn’t owe it to you to tell you or have you be part of this. You have invaded his privacy massively by reading his private and confidential medical post and by confronting him. Do you always lack empathy and make things all about you?

Picture, if you can, how this thread would go if a man posted on here that he had been snooping through his ex-wife’s post and found out that she had an abortion/hysterectomy/cancer diagnosis. Just what do you think the reaction here would be?

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Would they? I wouldn’t.

In real life obviously people would tell their co-parent if they've been diagnosed with cancer
…in their own time! Not because someone has snooped through their post and confronted them.
Right now, there is probably so little that he has control over and who and when someone learns of his condition was probably one of the few that he had.
If, in the end, he did not want OP or their children to know then that is his prerogative.

I’m not telling my ex. It is none of his business.