To be angry at ex hiding cancer diagnosis?

I know he doesn’t believe it but he still means the world to me and I’m gutted he doesn’t want me to go through this with him.

Was it his choice to divorce or yours?

If you still feel this ^ for him, why are you not together?

It sounds as if he's moved on and you've not.

Sorry to hear he’s unwell. Poor man. Radiotherapy is such difficult treatment.

If he was for palliative treatment then I suppose you would expect him to discuss plans with you relating to the children’s future. However, he’s most likely having curative treatment and therefore, he may not wish to share this with someone who is no longer a priority in his life.

The fatigue will be difficult for him as he moves through his treatment but if this isn’t impacting on how he cares for the children then there are no issues here.

It’s so important to respect him and his right for confidentiality. Please be kind to him. I wonder if your anger around this is really your sadness turned outwards? Must be quite a shock for you. I did wonder what you were hoping to find in his mail in the first place.

Hope the children are ok in all of this.

Take care.

He’s your ex. His medical conditions are none of your business.

That's disgusting that you've gone and snooped through his posts and your attitude is incredibly selfish. He probably would have told you and everyone else when he has come to terms with it. You should be more worried about what comes next for your ex and your kids potentially losing their Dad so young, which I believe is quite likely with a stage 3 and how they will cope not your feelings about not being told immediately. Yabvu!

You’d never cross my doorstep again if you snooped in my post - shocking behaviour, no wonder you’re divorced.

Do you want to get back together? X

I know why you're so angry.

Because he just showed you in the most major way that he's not nearly as close and dependent on you as you've been telling yourself. You're not separated. You're split up. He's distanced himself from you and that's why you were snooping, to find out why. You want to stay enmeshed and he doesn't.

Think about what you did. Of course he doesn't want you to go through this with him, you showed him exactly why not. You confronted a man with diagnosed cancer who underwent treatment and made it all about you. That's selfish and toxic and the opposite of supportive.

YABU, he’s your ex. His diagnosis is his business, not your entitlement, and he doesn’t owe you medical updates. People with cancer often keep it private to cope on their own terms, it’s not about shutting you out, it’s about survival. Snooping in his post then getting angry isn’t concern, it’s control - and bang out of order!

After 25+ years together

Fuck knows how ...

This.

It's none of your business. It really sounds as if you are still really emeshed in this relationship in quite an unhealthy way.

I can't believe you have to ask if YABU. You could not BE any more unreasonable. Utterly repugnant behaviour. And as for opening his mail. I would lose my shit if my ex did that to me. (Even if my own DH did it I would be pissed off.)

Really @PlainJaneBrain ?!

Agreed!

OP sounds awful - really bad. Your poor ex. It is HIS illness so up to HIM how HE deals with it. I would be furious with her

Fair.

Blimey. If you reacted like that (and snooping through his mail, wtf?!) I bet he's glad you're his ex.

If you're in love with him (sounds like it), be with him. If you're not (or you are but he doesn't want to get back together), stop snooping, stop being "dependent" (sounds like you're dependent and he's not, from this), and make a clear break. Just communicate about the kids, and stay out of his house. You're a couple or you're not. If you're regretting your choices now, don't make him pay for it; he has enough on his plate.

I coparented. I wouldn’t tell my ex - and I haven’t.

What a completely disingenuous and silly comment from you!!

Personally I wouldn't tell my ex because he's not involved, and if anything happens to me I have my friend down as legal guardian in my will.

But in a close co-parenting relationship (which I previously had with my ex) then yes I would tell him and expect him to tell me. And it would be the norm for people to do so.

🍿

You sound awful, I’m not surprised you’re his ex

I know he doesn’t believe it but he still means the world to me and I’m gutted he doesn’t want me to go through this with him.

I mean this, allied with the fact that you went through his private post demonstrates that you are the stalker ex from Hell.

I'm not surprised he doesn't want to share his cancer diagnosis with you, or have you 'support' him through treatment.

It's a privilege to be accepted into someone's life at times like this. You are not together for reasons you haven't specified. You have no right IMHO to expect to be included in the list of people he wants to be a part of this time in his life. Even if he's weaponising his illness against you... it's his life and you're not as big a part of it as you think or would like to be. I speculate that he's harbouring a very negative feeling about you for some reason... but I could be wrong... he may just want to be very private about this... you should know him after all this time - what's your take on it?

yu are crazy his body his illness his choice maybe he didn't tell you as he knew what you where like and he didn't want any drama he is under enough stress without you making a song and dance about your feelings

I ended up confronting him and he was just so bloody casual about it it’s really upset me and made me angry.

This statement is the most selfish, self centred thing I’ve read for a long time! It’s upset you and made you angry….. what about your ex?

I’m gutted he doesn’t want me to go through this with him.

Can't for the life of me think why that might be OP.