To be angry at ex hiding cancer diagnosis?

I would have told you to leave and not bother contacting me again unless it was related to the children. Your snooping would be the end of the relationship

@PlainJaneBrain You've had a real pasting here and it might be worth thinking about coming back and explaining.

You have posted before about your relationship, in detail.

Even though you've been living apart for 2 years you each have access to a flat you both bought when you split. This is where you saw the letter.

You've had sex a few times together since you split.
You've had a spa day together a few months back, which he arranged.
Hardly the behaviour of man who wants to be 'out' of the relationship, is it?

The overall impression is that you are a couple but living apart. And that's why you're upset over his health.

He doesn't sound great, to be honest. The issues there were in your relationship could possibly have been helped through counselling but he chose to walk away, yet keep you almost on the back burner. He doesn't want to be 'in' the relationship completely, but neither does he want to be fully 'out'.

Obviously his cancer is a separate issue, but he's not treating you well by behaving at times as if you're still together. Comes over as if he's using you as and when he feels like it.

Only making this point as it completely changes the perspective on this thread.

Why don't you both consider couples counselling as it comes over as if this split isn't what you both really want?

It’s his cancer not yours it’s up to him how he copes with it all and you had no right to be snooping through his post. I can understand why he didn’t tell you because you’ve somehow managed to make it all about you and how this affects you.

And your other threads about your poor ex partner are…. 🤯 nuts.

*corrected, you weren’t married.

Reading your other threads OP it's clear that you are still highly emotionally invested in your ex (you weren't married.) You've not got over the split and you're behaving as if you still have some hold over him.

Have you had counselling?

Putting his diagnosis to one side, maybe you need to talk to a professional because the 'split' is really messy and not a clean break at all.

If you both are sure that you are separated for good, you both need clearer boundaries around what you do together and what is off -limits.

This messy split, but not a complete split, is causing you a huge amount of emotional pain and it won't get better unless you step back and stop being so emotionally involved in his life.

He's clearly trying to move on with his life but you're not allowing that.
I know it's really sad that you've split up but you need to go through the process of acceptance and what that means.

Can anyone confim whether it's illegal to go through someone else's mail?

It's not illegal to read post that is already opened and left in view of someone in the house. Although it is bad manners.

It's illegal to open post which is sent to your address in error and meant for someone else. ie previous occupants. Although I've never ever heard of anyone being prosecuted for it in a domestic situation.

This. You sound genuinely fucking awful, OP. How, just HOW have you managed to make this all about you???

I found out almost by accident (snooping in his post while at his flat).

This is shameful as well.

When i had cancer funny enough I hardly told any family. I told my husband, some friends at school (my daughter was only 8 at the time). I didn't tell my sister until literally the last week of treatment, I didn't tell my nan or aunties etc. I really didn't want to be the centre of attention, I didn't want people worrying especially my nan. Some found out afterwards and I k own they were cross but I genuinely didn't say so they didn't worry.

Another ridiculous Opening Post and no sign of the OP returning - way too many of them these days!

INTERESTING 🤔

How are your children early teens when on other threads you describe them as 'practically adults' 'off to university' - were you playing a sympathy card?

Sounds like you are still friends, and having children obviously means you have still have a relationship, but I think after a divorce there are different boundaries, and he clearly see's his health as being one of them, sounds like he didn't tell anyone, so not just you, perhaps he was dealing with it in his own way?

Well, this is different

Yeah, sorry OP, if you care about him this really isn't the way to show it.

Attention whore proper made me laugh!!

Oh 😂

Sounds like see you next Tuesday...

OP are you Katie Price, or Hopkins, or Piers 'Morgan' Moron?
You are a dreadful attention whore.

You're Unbelievably unreasonable. It's HIS diagnosis to process and deal with how he wants. Do you have form for being so self obsessed? It could explain why he has elected not to keep you in the loop. There are of course so many other reasons why he has kept it to himself.

How dare you read someone's post, OP! I would never read my husband's post, nor he mine - and we're still married.
Some people need time to process information, or to find out more about how it's going to affect them, so he is quite right to keep this to himself. You need to treat this man with much more respect.

There’s a reason you’re divorced

Yes it is.

1. youre not together, he has no commitment to you and owes you no explanation
2. stop invading his privacy, what you did is wrong
3. stop making someone else’s cancer about your feelings

this is all just so wrong.

I’m seriously shocked at the lack of self awareness in the original post. OP - please get it removed and think about potentially apologising to your ex: for snooping, for confronting him about what you found and for then making it all about you and how it makes you feel.

I appreciate you were in shock but jeez, your actions and reactions have been well out of line so far.

Edited: to clarify I meant the OP, not all the comments on the thread.

Cancer diagnosis is an incredibly difficult thing to process and everyone is different. I speak from experience. My DH has been diagnosed with cancer and we have a toddler and I'm pregnant. There are family members he hasn't told because he's still processing the fact he's going to be on chemo for life. The fact you have made this about yourself is sickening and disgusting. You do not know the toll a cancer diagnosis has on a person. He will have his reasons, maybe his reasons were that you would just make his diagnosis about yourself. In that case, he was right not to tell you.