To be angry at ex hiding cancer diagnosis?

It depends where the letter was. If it was dumped on a desk or worktop in the kitchen, where he'd not put it away, and she could see the letter heading, it would be understandable especially as they are sharing the care of children.

If she went through a desk or a file that was in a desk etc, that would be different.

However, their whole relationship sounds toxic.

He has decided to leave after something he's known about for 18 years, has not had counselling for or tried to move on from and stay together, yet still behaves as if they are married; sex, spa days, holidays together etc.

I think it's highly debatable if you reveal or not a diagnosis of Stage 3 cancer when you share the care of children not yet adults. For example, we know several men in their 50s and 60s currently having treatment for prostate cancer. It's tiring and the hormone treatments are for years, so their energy is less. This impacts everyone in their lives and certainly his children who are teen should know about it as they will sense their dad is different.

You owe him a huge apology. You invaded his privacy and have made it all about you. He was dealing with it the best way it worked for him and you have taken that away from him. You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself.

Mic drop by Mooncup!

Ah. This makes sense.

No it’s not. Two of my friends have had breast cancer and have not told their exes, even though they share teens/young adult children.
Luckily they’ve both come through treatment well, and it’s still their private info. As it absolutely is their right to do so.

One friend had to reluctantly let her ex know when she was diagnosed with a condition that meant she could no longer drive, so they had to make different arrangements for child swop over times. She said she absolutely would not have told him unless it was unavoidable. He was still a selfish PITA over the new situation as well.

No! It’s his PRIVATE MEDICAL info and NO ONE has the right to that unless and until the person themselves chooses to divulge.

Well if she cheated on him she doesn’t sound like the poor woman you want us to believe

Well we can all see why you are an ex!

But that’s not a reason for her to read his post, is it?

There is never an excuse for prying into someone else's post.

Where is there any evidence she used to?

sounds like you are unhappy about the fact you cant control him anymore.

If she's not significant, he should stop treating them to spa days and having sex with her.

They have family holidays with their kids.

He's being very unfair. No boundaries and mixed messages.

Pretty much like all op previous threads

It's all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ...

YABVVVU. You are no longer his significant other and he is not obliged to tell you anything. Until he has a situation that will affect your shared children, it is completely down to him how he manages his health.

What gives you the right to go through his post? Your intrusion into his privacy is unforgiveable. You need to get your head around the fact that it is none of your business.

Incidentally, I was diagnosed with cancer four years ago and I didn't share it with my ex either. He still doesn't know because it is not his concern. I have full time care of our child but my illness did not affect my ability to provide care, so it wasn't relevant.

You missed out the tiny detail that the reason the relationship ended is that OP cheated.

Yes, far too many

From what you've said they both sound awful! Him for messing her around, her for snooping and thinking he should handle a cancer diagnosis how she wants him to. They sounds as though they'd be better off without each other.

TBH I think her finding that letter is the least of their problems!

He sounds very mixed up. They are separated but still have occasional sex, they have spa days he arranges, they have lovely family holidays, he left her but does 'nice things' for her like spa days.

In some people's minds he's a 'head fuck'!

The whole thing is a mess and one or both of them need to sort it out.

OP you can't move on and have a healthy relationship with this man while he is behaving like this. You're still hugely emotionally invested with him and if he won't create solid boundaries, you must.

I'm sorry you are living like this.

You are being so astonishingly unreasonable here that I'm struggling to believe you're for real.

Can you seriously not see how awful it is to a) snoop through someone's post and b) to think that your feelings are more important than his when he's the one who has cancer?

They are his kids too, and he can choose what to share with them or not.

She still doesn't have the right to snoop. And she shouldn't be surprised at getting a pasting when she misses out a lot of relevant information!

Read my post above.

They still see each other, share a flat, have spa days.

It's not as it seems from her post.