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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dating - am I unreasonable to just nip it in the bud?

115 replies

MondeoFan · 07/09/2025 13:18

Started seeing a new bf and have had 4 dates so far. The dates have been lovely, but he doesn’t ask me any questions at all. Like not a single thing? I think this is weird! Isn’t he interested in finding out about me or my life. I’ve told him a few bits willingly but he hasn’t asked. He texts daily when we can’t see each other but sometimes he won’t message all day and only much later in the evening. Am I overthinking it? Or should I just nip it in the bud and tell him I think the reason is he doesn’t seem really interested? The dates go really well, and when I get home I always think awwww how lovely it was. Should I give it a bit longer?

OP posts:
Thundertoast · 07/09/2025 14:46

I would agree with a PP that some people are brought up that asking questions is nosy, others are brought up that not asking questions is rude etc, but he's trying to date you!

A man who doesn't ask you questions is just trying to fill the girlfriend shaped hole in his life, and isnt actually interested in meeting a great person to be a good partner to.

Original poster
MondeoFan · 07/09/2025 14:41

I know he’s not my bf just called him that for sake of explaining. Not a FWB either as we haven’t even got that far yet. Previous to this I was seeing someone for 5 months recently and he wasn’t my bf either 🥴

OP posts:
Jackiepumpkinhead · 07/09/2025 13:55

This is a deal breaker for me. If he’s not curious and interested in you now, he’ll be even worse 6 months down the line. Also, he’s not your boyfriend.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/09/2025 13:52

YABU to have let this get past date one.

cranberryhaddock · 07/09/2025 13:52

Not RTFT but I think you’re being a bit harsh if this is the only potential issue. Some people grow up being told it’s nosy to ask people questions about their lives, unfortunately I'm one of them as my mum has a hang-up about it. Yes people can and should evolve as adults, but all I’m saying is asking questions doesn’t come naturally to all of us.

Hallywally · 07/09/2025 13:51

The not asking you any questions about yourself thing is just plain odd and indicates he just sees you as a FWB or place holder until someone he really likes comes along. Get rid.

Justletmemoveon · 07/09/2025 13:46

Ah this would bother me. I’m doing OLD and if they haven’t asked anything about me within the first 24 hours of messages then I give up. I want someone who’s interested in me and I think that’s a basic reasonable standard to have!

A pp asked whether the art of conversation has taken a nose dive and honestly I think it has.

Timeforabiscuit · 07/09/2025 13:44

There are loads of good probing questions you can ask to build intimacy, asking about favourite childhood memories is a good starter, and doing it on voicenote works well.

Timeforabiscuit · 07/09/2025 13:42

It really bothers me if someone isn't curious, and I've found if I've needed to prompt potential dates if there is anything they want to know about me I get a very generic question back like what's your favourite cheese...

Either the art of conversation and flirting has taken a substantial nosedive since I was last sociable, or age and sobriety has wised me up!

Id give them a opportunity and ask some more probing questions, and ask directly what they'd like to know about you.

aCatCalledFawkes · 07/09/2025 13:32

He's not a bf after 4 dates and I would get shot of him. If he's not asking you now then when will he given dating is about finding about each other.

Original poster
MondeoFan · 07/09/2025 13:31

I feel like I should give it a bit longer maybe but how long? I always think do I expect too much and I try to be a bit chilled, then I realise it isn’t quite going the way I want it to, although it is still early days obviously. We’ve probably spent about 14 hour together in total.

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 07/09/2025 13:27

Four dates isn’t boyfriend territory. If you already aren’t happy with the dynamic then end things.

Original poster
MondeoFan · 07/09/2025 13:26

He said he does. He’s been single 2 years and said he wants a long term serious relationship. We have music and cars in common, talk mainly about those, I wanted to meet a gig partner and he would def be that. I feel like I need more, I need him to say “had a great night tonight, I really like you, can’t wait to see you again etc” that’s what I feel I want.

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 07/09/2025 13:19

I really couldn't be interested in someone who has nothing to offer. What does he actually talk about?

Ponoka7 · 07/09/2025 13:19

Has he said he wants an exclusive, long term relationship?

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