Dating - am I unreasonable to just nip it in the bud?

This is one thing that makes me get rid of people too! I am naturally curious and possibly ask too many questions! But when I get 2 or 3 dates in and realise they have asked nothing back, it's quite hurtful. Appreciate that some people believe that asking too many questions is rude, but how else do you get to know people?!
Recently had 3 dates with a guy... He has asked me nothing, then sent me a message to tell me how much he liked me! He knew nothing about me 🙄 massively gave me the ick and I ended things.

I noticed this often when I was OLD. So many men have no idea how to make conversation that is reciprocal. They can talk about themselves and their interests, it can even feel fun and entertaining if they are charismatic but then you realise they have shown almost no interest in you. I think it's entitlement - we know from research that men on the whole talk more than women in mixed groups and male socialisation tells them they are important and special and subconsciously I think many men just don't see women as very important or interesting. They want a relationship because they want affection, interest and intimacy but they don't really see women as entire real humans who require the same effort back. It's depressing.

He’s not looking for a long term relationship or he just sees you as a fling sorry OP but if he was serious about you he would be asking all kinds of questions and getting to know all about you. Do you know a lot about him or is he cagey? And yes 4 dates is not a boyfriend

I think I’ve posted this before on here, but I went on a really painful date a few years ago, where the guy had no conversational skills at all. We’d gone to an Italian restaurant and both had pizza. I did my utmost to be curious and interested in him, to no avail! I’d ask a question, he’d answer minimally, then silence…nothing back to me…so I asked another question, minimal answer, followed by silence (this went on for what seemed like hours! 🥴)

Eventually (like another poster did) I just ‘left the silence’ and waited…looking at him expectantly, hoping he’d be spurred into ‘something/anything’. He just sat there and then asked…wait for it…’So what else do you want to know about me?’

I replied with, ‘I think I’ve learned enough already thanks…but if you can tell me one thing you’ve learned about me tonight, I’ll pay for dinner!’

He looked utterly shocked…thought for a minute and said…’erm, you like pizza!’ 🤦‍♀️

Ffs!! 🥴🤷‍♀️

You just have to work out what you want and what's important to you. He's not going to get any better in this respect, he's going to get worse.
Someone asking about me and showing an interest in me, making me feel like they actually like me rather than 'a woman', is essential criteria on my list. Not everyone's like that and maybe it's not essential to you.

Okay when is though? Because after 4-5 dates and possibly physical intimacy you are about to get attached. If you find stuff out after that that makes you incompatible you are more inclined to stay in the relationship. That leads to horrible awful break ups and even entering into parenting situations together that cause huge upset to children as well as both of the adults involved.

This would bother me. I would wonder if he actually wants ME or just a girlfriend with any woman doing.

Agree. But after 4 dates isn’t that time.

You’re not funny. You’re an ass ..
Costs nothing to be nice , whether that’s in real life or like you , lurking behind a screen …

I obviously can't tell not having met your chap, but my friend has recently got together with a man who literally never asks anyone a single question, though he listens and nods when told things, has friends of his own and introduces my friend to them, is glad to go with her anywhere she suggests, and talks about himself readily enough. He clearly adores my friend and is a loyal and considerate partner and she's very happy with him.
I don't know why he doesn't ask questions but I'm guessing that he is neurodiverse in some way and simply doesn't recognise that questions are polite and friendly.
For what its worth.

I struggle to ask people questions about themselves as in my head I feel im being rude and that if they wanted me to know they would tell me.
Im an open book personality so appear outgoing but a person fell out with me as they felt I didnt ask them questions. It was a bit of a wake up call as I wasnt aware that I was being rude.
I usually hope if someone asks me I tell them and then they tell me their info.

It's SO not new. I remember a game feminists played back in the late Seventies, early Eighties. Meet a man at a party or dinner, say nothing, just listen, nod, smile as he bangs on about himself or his important opinions, and then ask if he'd like to finish your dessert as you can't manage it. He will then tell everyone you are a) a brilliant conversationalist and b) ask mutual friends for your number as he is desperate to see you again. I played it a few times and sadly, it worked every time. It just made me scorn those men.

I also remember a rather seedy friend of my dad's boasting that all you have to do to get a woman into bed is to listen to her, because no other men bother to do that and she'll be so grateful. Ah, the Seventies. It's come around again.

He’s not that interested, when they really like you, they want ask questions and learn more about you.

This.

Honestly, you sound as desperate to fill a 'boyfriend shaped hole' in your life as he is to fill the girlfriend shaped hole in his.

Your bar is so low it's a trip hazard in hell 😂

Apparently it’s a new disease that a lot of men have. Drivelling on endlessly about themselves. I’ve had some of this too. In fact, the last four guys I spoke to on OLD did this. And even if they did ask me anything they quickly interrupted and brought the conversation back to themselves.

Yawn!

I think the not asking questions alone is a red flag. I saw a man who definitely had a noticeable muted interest in my wider life but even he was polite enough to feign interest about the basics. And as a pp said and in my case, these types are looking for any woman to fill their time and boost their ego, hence they don’t ask questions because they don’t actually care.

You aren't Miss Right.
Just Miss Right Now.
And I bet his dm keeps his house clean and tidy..

Maybe if he's sharing info about himself without being prompted by you, he expects you to do the same. I might be tempted to give it one more date and not stop talking about myself for two hours - see how quickly he gets fidgety. But he might show interest. You never know.

I would definitely see this as a red flag. I was in a relationship with a guy quite a few years ago,who, looking back on it now,I realize he had zero interest in me. Stupidly I let it go on for a year (was in a bit of a bad place when we met,my DM had just died,so I don't think I was really thinking straight). It dawned on me how little notice he paid to things that I said 8 months into the relationship when it was my 48th birthday,he gave me a card saying 'Happy 50th Birthday' on it. And he only got me that because I'd told him the day before that it was my birthday the next day. He had no idea about any aspects of my life,my family,my preferences. Even after a year,he couldn't have told you what my favourite meal was,hence him bringing me home a lamb kebab when I'm practically vegetarian!
So yes,now I have the advantage of hindsight,I would think it is a deal breaker.

Its not too much to expect some interest in you personally from a potential longterm mate. Are you sure he isn't just after sex? Or maybe he wants something platonic.
Sorry OP, but depending on what you think about these, you could talk to him and ask him about his apparent lack of interest. But if he is just using you, move on.

Asking me questions and taking an interest in me is a deal breaker for me (and a pretty low bar)

He should be at maximum effort now. Imagine in a few years - you'll never get asked how your day was!

I dated someone exactly like this. He wouldn't ask me anything about myself and it never improved over a year.

I told him that i felt like I could be absolutely anyone filling the role of his girlfriend because he showed no interest in knowing me on a personal level. He just wanted that slot filled.

Just end things because if they're not naturally curious, they never will.be.