For not paying half when I'm leaving.

Agree

I wouldn't pay either.

He had the choice to move out and get any cash back.

But he doesn't want to.

Tell him you haven't got the cash and move out on your moving date.

You owe this abusive person nothing.

Presumably you were uncertain about the relationship and so we're sniffing paying.

FFS. How did swype turn 'avoiding' into 'sniffing'?

If OP had paid her share at the outset, then she would own half of the goods purchased and she would be entitled to take half the cost of them with her.
As it is, he has decided unilaterally to be the one to remain in the property and won't negotiate op buying the white goods off him to take with her. If he is going to have the longterm use of all the bought goods, then of course he needs to bear the cost of them all.
My daughter has been in a similar situation whereby her partner wanted to end the relationship a few months after they'd moved in together for the first time. They'd both paid 50:50 to buy furniture and other goods. He too unilaterally decided he'd be the one to remain in the property, but even he, Twattymactwatface that he was, repaid my dd the 50% she'd paid for the goods that he was going to keep without any quibble at all. It was the only fair and reasonable way to do it.
OP-You're getting a really rough time on here for no good reason. Get your name off the tenancy and all the bills including council tax asap and go and lead your best life!

No. If you were both leaving and he wasn't going to benefit from the purchase of those items then I would say you would still owe him half. But he's going to continue to live there and you do not owe him half for items that you have benefited from, from the sounds of it, for about five months. You don't owe him anything.

If you read OP’s posts it’s a rent to buy scheme so can purchase in five years. I think it’s different spending money on a rental you have a right to buy (fairly sensible) as opposed to your average 6 - 12 month tenancy (bit bonkers)

I'm in two minds but yes... OP was there for 8 months.

She agreed to pay towards the improvements on the understanding she would be able to carry on living there and benefit from the improvements, but now its become impossible to continue living there

He's greatly improved the property and he will probably continue to live in for many years.

She's lived there 8 months.. maybe benefitted from new fixtures and fittings for 6 months.
I'm not sure that its fair to charge her 50% of the total cost when she's no longer living there. It would be different if they were able to share out the items, and she could for example buy the fridge off him.

If the OP has to find a new place to live, she probably can't afford to pay him what sounds like a very large sum.

I’m confused. He put all these things in a rented house? Unlikely he can take the floors away! Anyhoo, all irrelevant as nothing to do with you, don’t discuss just leave.

I don’t understand at all why he would pay for upgrading a rented house like that.

But since he has, tell him to do one and you’re not paying. You won’t get the benefit, and what can he do about it? Nothing, that’s what. Move out and cut contact asap. Good luck!

He doesn’t even want her to have the white goods. He wants to keep it all AND have OP pay half. That is not reasonable behaviour.

Which other couples do you know where they each pay half but one person keeps all the goods?

Exactly !

If he wants half the money you need to have access to half the goods purchased. If he isn’t willing to give you the kitchen appliances or whatever to the value then you owe nothing. Bung him a few quid for the use of the items up till now & move on.

I haven't read any further, because this is exactly it. Galling though it is, you should pay up. You've made no attempt to do so over the last ten months, not even a fraction of it. That has to have been deliberate. Presumably you were uncertain about the relationship and so we're sniffing paying.

I was amazed to see how many people thought you are reasonable.

No, Im afraid it seems by your own standards you’re the very stupid one with comprehension issues… OP already admitted she was far along per below:

Cuppatealover · Today 15:02
EasySqueezy · Today 14:57
This.
Slowdownyouredoingfine · Today 14:55
You must have been quite far along if you were pregnant in January and had the abortion in May, I can understand why he’s so upset if you had been excited about the baby prior to this, seems a huge u-turn to make.
Hide quote history
Yes it was. And a very difficult decision to make. I will not be shamed for that. This post was not about that.

I think your being fair enough the obvious compromise imo is that you pay for and take the most moveable stuff ie white goods. If he wants to keep everything then you shouldn’t have to pay for it.

Oh for God's sake it's done! - don't beat the poor OP up, she's probably feeling like shit over it all without people giving her grief over it. No woman terminates a pregnancy - especially that late for no reason. Just because she hasn't chosen to share her reasons doesn't mean that, in her mind, she had a good reason.

She needs our support.

I missed that, apologies

OP's told us she was 19 weeks.
Meanwhile, back to the point of the thread ...

I think that even people who are reasonably relaxed about the idea of having a termination might find having one at 19 weeks unpalatable. OP says her ex didn't want her to have a termination, so having one at such a late stage must have been pretty difficult for him to come to terms with.

I'm offering no opinion or judgement on OP choosing to have a late termination - and I appreciate it's not what this post is about - but it's very relevant when considering the ex's anger and bitterness towards OP.

We talk a lot about women's feelings around miscarriage, stillbirth, and terminations, but there's not so much support for men. I imagine he's grieving for a baby he wanted and had no control over whether OP had a termination. I'm not suggesting he SHOULD have had any control, obviously not, but I can imagine he's still struggling very much with the decision OP took.

I expect the ex isn't willing to compromise or be reasonable towards OP about her share of the costs partially because he's still churning with all the emotions of the termination. Calling her baby-killer etc suggests that he's a very long way from acceptance.

OP didn't pay him half the cost for the goods/blinds at the time and now she's leaving and he gets to keep everything, it's not unreasonable for her not to pay him. She did contribute half of the bills/rent and that's going towards a property that he hopes to buy in five years.

It probably has left him in a difficult spot financially if he'd been budgeting for you to pay half, but if you're leaving it's not unreasonable to expect him to shoulder the cost. If you were feeling benevolent you could offer a token amount for the time you were there, but with such hostility between you and no likelihood of an amicable separation, you might as well just keep your money.

It's a messy, painful situation for all concerned and really OP, you just need to get yourself out safely, and then cut communication. Is there not anyone you can stay with for the next three weeks so you can leave now rather than dragging it out?

Yawn. Again? I'm pro-choice so how can my view be different from yours? I reported two of your comments because they were damned offensive - hence why a number of other PPs told you to put a sock in it. Stop playing the victim.

He would have had to pay for those things anyway and he's keeping the house you're not. Don't pay him he can't make you 🤷‍♀️ tell him you'll find it if you have to, to get him off your back until you move and then just don't 💐

Good point. In those circumstances I think you’d want at least a large part of your contribution refunded.

I would argue it doesn’t even say she found out on Jan!

No you’re very stupid and it doesn’t say she found at on January ……

Have you got comprehension issues?

It says (now read this slowly!)

They decided to move in together in January.

It then says she found after one week after signing rental agreement that she discovered she was pregnant, they then moved in end of March.

So why are you making up
nonsense about when OP knew she was pregnant? She may have signed contract beginning of March? Or end Feb?

Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen.

She found out in January, meaning she was already 4 weeks, aborted in May!
jan = 1
feb = 2
mar=3
april =4
may=5

No, he is staying and thus will benefit from these fixtures and fittings. and the fridge freezer etc.

So lovely to hear you have found a rental that accepts cats.
Sorry about the baby it wasn't meant to be at this time.